Well, today was just filled to the fucking brim with drama.
It was ridiculous.
My stupid jerk of a sister decided to throw a hissy fit because we
couldn't bring my niece home today since the brakes in the van went out
at around midnight last night, and we're in the middle of what is
supposed to be one of the worst winter storms this year.
She was mad because:
-I was nice and didn't wake her up in the middle of the night to let her know.
-I over slept but still called her as soon as I got up.
-They thought we were telling Ariel to lie to them, when we were actually telling
her to let them know we were getting an ass ton of snow today.
-They thought we were lying to them about the brakes.
-They were going to be late to a birthday party that Ariel had to go home early for
that come to find out, isn't even her friend's party. It's her friend's mom's party.
-& that she had to wake her drunk ass up and come pick up Ariel.
It's not like they can't afford the gas.
Our disgusting perve of a 'grandfather' will always give her as much money as she needs. It's not like he doesn't pay her rent every month. Bastard.
Friggin crazy.
So we ended up getting into a stupid text war,
and she said Ariel won't be leaving Texas any more, which is just not going
to fly with me.
Wtf ever.

Anyways.

I need more/new music. Desperately.
Any suggestions?

Chance bit the hell out of me today.
I was trying to get him to stop barking at Angel, cause I had a headache,
and the bastard turned around and bit me. Drew blood.
Damn dog.
I think he may be a wee bit special.
He shit in his own food bowl.
He's so smart.
Billy got him a play pin so he'd stop using his entire floor as a potty,
and Katie went in there to let him out one morning, and he'd shit all over the play pin and looked like he'd been rolling around in it.
Ridiculous.

I've kind of sort of starting talking to Tori, my little sister, again.

I have been up all night by not entirely by my own doing. I planned on going to bed around 1ish. I was write on track for it to til my aunt knocked on the door and told me her husband was drunk at the bar and she needed to go pick him up. since the lost of my father ( 7 years ago on the 19th), having someone too trashed to drive always gets my attention. So I jump up and go downstairs, hop in the truck and go get him. Keep in mind i do NOT drive but she had already taken some Tylenol PM and was in no shape to drive. I am texting back and forth with Nate (which I will get to in another entry), get down to the bar and he is waiting outside sitting on the curb. I have not seen him at all since I have been here, he was supposably in AC. He thought I was my Aunt because I was driving her truck her and got in all dumbfounded almost like he didnt know who I was even after looking at me. I thanked him for the train ticket because eventhough I had already purchased a return ticket on the bus back to DC, he decided there was no fucking way he would let me get on it.

I get him home and in the house and he was fine the whole way to the house UNTIL he saw my aunt. She was up in the bedroom next to the room I am staying in keep in mind and says to her " I really need a blowjob NOW" I hear this and start to laugh. She tells him he is out of his fucking mind it is 2 am and she has to get up wit the kids tomorrow. To say the least that spawned him into this huge tangent about how she is cheating and he is selling the house blah blah blah. So I turned up the TV and tried to stay in the texts with Nate which was not difficult. She came in and said he was leaving for the night. So I am at this time still on track for a few hours of sleep.

So I left the letter the following weekend, and left a copy under my bosses office door.

Got to work tonight.

And.
And.
And.

EVIL MANAGER IS FIRED!

This was not my goal, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't happy with these results. I also can't confirm that this is the reason she was fired, but it still makes me happy.

i fucking hate unnessecary drama, it makes me want to say fuck you, fuck you and fuck YOU.

Right now is the worst possible time for you to come floating back into my life randomly.
Are you trying to impress me and win me over one last time?
I thought maybe we were finally over this awkward thing, but I'm starting to second guess myself.
I don't have the time for any drama, or games.
What's your objective? I can't just flat-out trust you. Not after our history.
Now my head is spinning, and I don't know what to think anymore.
I don't think it will ever not be awkward between us. Ever.
Because the past is all that is linking us, and the past was ugly.
The truth of it all is ugly.
Uglier than you probably even think.
It makes me uncomfortable to even think about,
and I can't think about anything else,
it's what I associate with you.
That's what happens when you hurt people.
You'll never really know how much damage you did to me.
And I won't forget.

Anyway.
This week is hell.
Off to write 7 pages of my thesis in one night. Cool.

i feel like there is just everything wrong with me.

it's not necessarily like, i feel that i have a bunch of flaws or that i'm not good at X or bad at Y. it's like i honestly, genuinely feel that there is just something terribly wrong with me, something wrong with who i am and just the very essence of me.

i don't really know how to explain this feeling. it reminds me of this time i got into a fight with my mom over the phone. i told her that i wanted to major in vocal music, and she said i'd end up poor and she wouldnt pay for my college if i did that. i told her that i had to, because when i sing, i stop feeling sad- i am just happy and i feel okay and i know that i want to be. i stop feeling like there is something wrong with me. and she said that there wasn't anything wrong with me.

i don't know if this has to do with things that have happened to me, like some weird repression or reverse emotional backflow that never got out or dealt with and it got all twisted up inside and now i can't feel whole. maybe i am just being a drama queen and exaggerating bullshit. what the fuck- why does "exaggerating" have two g's in it? that's fucking bullshit. fuck you, English language.

i really don't know. i can't really think right now. i think i should sleep instead of typing this. i really want to cry, but i dont know if i should or if i can.

So I get to work tonight to find this HUGE note in the kitchen from my manager about a bunch of bullshit. Things I'm "not" doing, that I totally am. Like, apparently I forget to do the laundry all night, don't wash the rags/mop heads, etc etc. Here is my reply, please let me know if this is horrible before I leave it in her office, lol.

Manager -

First of all, I want to say that, personally, to me it seems silly to wait to address something until there is a pile of issues that you're "SICK" of. Your whole note put me on the defensive, and thats not a good way to get things accomplished. So, in the future, if there is an issue, please, call me.

Now I'd like to address each of your points you made and so unprofessionally left in plain view. If your goal in doing so was to shame or humiliate me, it didn't work, it simply angered me that common decency and professionalism were neither observed, nor considered.

*Laundry: I've never in two years "forgotten" to do the laundry. I may have not gotten it all done before the end of my shift, but it's never been "forgotten". For example, this morning when I left, there was A load in the dryer, and a t-shirt in the dirty clothes. If I am expected to have every single thing that is put in the dirty clothes on my shift done and put away, please tell me. I was to understand that I was to keep up on it through the night and get as much as possible done before I left. Please, correct me if I am mistaken. However, if I am to have everything accumulated done before I leave - 1, I'm going to need overtime, as most of the am laundry comes in after 5:30am and there simply isn't enough time to wash, dry, fold and put it all away before 7. But I will happily stay to see those morning loads through if I am appropriately compensated. And 2, I'm going to expect that the shifts before me do the same, as it's only fair.

You'll hear it, wherever you are.

My sewing machine is broken.. and I need it. I need it.. so much. I have a week and a half to finish a ton of things for my Debut.

I'm definately going to scream

After a crappy ass night at work with RETARDED (sorry for the languagae but it was the only thing that truly illustrates the attitudes of the customers) people tonight!! Seriously there were moments where I felt like I was mentally holding back my friend Noelle and there were other moments where I shot her glances of "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!"

So I just came home, let the dogs in a for a while as I cut up the chicken for Sunday & defrosted the food for my dinner tomorrow night. and of course when I let them out for their potty break it starts raining. So then when I let them back in I had to dry them off (YAY!- Not.)

And then it didn't help that right before I left for work I had the worst stomach cramps- so something I ate last night didn't sit well cause my whole lower intestinal track revolted against me. So between that, starting all the food for Sunday, my parents leaving and work I didn't work out tonight. One rest day isn't going to kill me.

But yeah coming home and watching a movie and eating some popcorn made the night actually a good one. I watched Baby Mama and yeah I don't want to be 37 and trying to have a kid... That is what that movie taught me. :P

Anyways hope you guys are having a good night.

I just witnessed a fistfight at the Los Angeles Superior Court while filing some documents.

WTF.