With every passing day, I learn something new about her that makes me fall deeper in love.

I really don't know how I got this lucky.

I don't even know what else to say. You've rendered me speechless.

I love you. Maybe that's all I need to say. I love you.

Currently listening to "Marry Song" by Band of Horses.

Valentines day... Romantic Dinner in litttle tokyo at Ibisu

Flowers <3

i never want to say it because i feel like a broken record.
you were like a guardian angel when i fallen from grace.
i always wanted you to be happy.
i always wanted you to get what you wanted.
now you have it all...
somehow... it doesn't seem right.
as easy as it comes i expect so much more from you.
i never really got understand what your dreams were
although, you helped my dreams come true.
everything is so confusing.
i just want you to know that you inspire me to be better.
inspired me to not want it so easy, to take a chance.
hell you took a chance on me.
i still care,
even from a million miles away.

I KNOW 9 months is not THAT long of a time to be with someone ... I've been in a few long term relationship. But this to me doesn't seem to be that normal, in a great way

Every single morning, even almost 300 days later together I'm waking up to 'Good morning Gorgous' Everytime I walk by him he whistles at me

I get a foot rub each and every night. He still likes to hop in the bathtub with me... He still kisses me all over my neck every time before we have sex.

He still wakes up mid though the night to give me a kiss on my cheek.

Just reflecting on my past two relationship, these things died down very very fast... like 2 or 3 months, and almost a year later, it's still going strong. Nicky really really knows how to treat a woman like a queen, Each and every single day.

I hope he's mine forever!

/ Gayness

I've been home in Maryland all week and it has been worderfuuuullllll!

This morning I can't help but feel God's love. The other night, driving home from a friends house, I was thinking about how awesome it is that God creates such beautiful things in this fallen world and how much more awesome it's going to be in heaven. Then, this morning, I see a fabulous sunrise! I look at the pictures I have on my phone from driving and hiking and walking around and I can't help but smile. There's so much beauty!

That same night, I was listening to music and thinking how much I love music and how much worship music or just songs with lyrics about God have become such an important and integral part of my day and I got sooooo excited to one day be singing to Jesus every day for all eternity and just how fabulous that's going to be! Last night at church, worship was so great! I love feeling His presence and I couldn't help but smile. I felt completely content and at peace in those moments and wished it could go on forever. Someday it will and, for now, I get to enjoy everything there is here on Earth. 

Yesterday was a bad day for me...a day I didn't feel good about at all and was totally ready to be a hermit/recluse but, I called Brandi and told her I wanted to carpool to church, half hoping she'd say no. Then she called me back and said she'd come by to pick me up so I was kinda stuck. BUT it was exactly what I needed. I needed church and that time of worship. I needed that time with people together with God so I'm really glad I went and had time to talk with people. Now it's Thursday and I should be exhausted because I got to bed late and I have had like 4 sips of coffee since I woke up 5 hours ago but I'm not. Praise God! He is so amazing to someone so undeserving!  I hope everyone has a great day- I love you!

PS:  Something unrelated to my note there but was emailed to me yesterday. I really like these verses:

The Broken

coheed and cambria | MySpace Music Videos

So.

Man of my dreams is no longer. Oh well. He never got back to me after giving me a glimmer of hope. Jackass. It's straight, though.

Internet dude is out, too. He just wants sex, so he's out.

Met another guy. His name is Scott. He's pretty cool. There is no real big attraction for me, but he has a great personality.

And, for the kicker. Matt.

Good ole Matt. I've known Matt for 4 years. Matt is 27. We tried dating off and on for the past 3 years. He's an asshole. You either love him or hate him. He's always done an asshole move towards me that just completely turns me off and I'm like okay, what the fuck ever.

He moved away a year or so ago and came back in December.

Whenever Matt comes into town, I am the first person he calls. Called me in December and we hung out. Pulled an asshole move. Again. He'll text me every few weeks asking how I am.

Last night, he calls me. Back in town. Great, cool, whatever. I told him I'd have A beer with him but then I had to go because I was going to hang out with Scott.

A beer turned into 3 beers and 6 shots. Got back to my apartment and we just start talking. Remember, he's 27.

He starts reminiscing about "us" (there was never an us) and tells me that he still cares about me and that he REALLY likes me. I go, "wtf, matt, i know you like me." Then, with a complete sober and serious face says I love you.

Then tells me that he really wants a commitment with me.

We argued for a good 20 minutes. Not an actual argument, but more like a debate. I don't believe him. He was trashed. I forced him to leave.

I care about him, but just no. No. I paced my living room for like 20 minutes after he left. Complete mind fuck.

He texted me this morning saying he was serious. Yeah. Still don't believe you.

I need a vacation.

After having a couple of months to get over the spuratic out bursts of crying over a song on the radio or getting frustrated and ruffled over a faint memory of the two of you as your walking down the street, I realized things finally do come to a calm. A process of healing doesn't mend without hurt, pain, and unglorfied moments of getting emotion in a bathroom stall. You don't constantly keep an eye on your phone and not every "phanton vibrate" you have in your pocket doesn't send you into frantic digging to get your phone, only to be disappointed. There isn't any more awkward moments at 2AM where you miss him. Sure, you may miss the company but not [i]his[/i] in particular.

Infact, you don't even want to crush his head in the door anymore. You can go a WHOLE MINUTE (Should I scale it in seconds?) without thinking about him. He'll cross your mind only when you realize, "Shit. It's been three days and I haven't mentioned or thought about the douchebag."

Sometimes though, times get hard and hormones are flaired and eager for attention, so dating comes to mind.

How hard is it to find a guy with basics? I'm not picky, just BASICS!

- A job
- A car
- His own place
- A phone
- A future in mind

See? Five things that almost seem like neccesities but are disturbingly hard to find in a guy. I don't expect you to own a hot-rod, just something you could pick me up for a date in. A job so you could pay for it once in awhile. I don't mind dutch on casual outings. A place we could hang out without worrying about your mother hearing us doing the naughty in her house. A phone so you could call and let me know you're coming over or near. I don't expect hours upon hours of conversation and falling asleep on the phone every night. I know life is not a romance movie. I've grown tired and furious with the romance novels, LIFE ISN'T PEACHY.

i love kabballah hehe even if madonna is a sellout oldie twat who looks like she's made out of leather, rotting sinew, and so much plastic.
aaaaanywayyyy
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