I went on a mini shopping spree today. I went to Payless and bought two pairs of shoes in different colors than what I already have. I went to both Plato's Closet locations looking for skirts and dresses. I am wearing one of them right now.

Oh, Bassnectar concert, you are going to wear me out but I am TOTALLY going to have this dress forcibly removed from my body. Oh yes. Because it is THAT hot.

And Reston's ability to take pictures of it sucks.

my heart is heavy.
my soul is weak.
and the weight of the world has found itself upon me.

I keep thinking I will have something amazing to say. But I don't. I'm not sure what is going on with me. My thought process is completely out of wack. I am assuming it's partially the new meds. Oh yeah, I am one of *those people. The crazy people. I guess I am not "crazy", I have PTSD and bi-polar disorder. And thanks to the Army's great insurance I get tons of help. But I am very off kilter right now. I don't have the will to delve deep into my mind to find some kernels of brilliance...or at least my own brand of self-imposed genius. I got nothin'.

However.

I have been suffering from insomnia. Or something like it. I cannot sleep even when I want to. I have gotten less than 8 hours of sleep combined in the last 2 days. My eyelids are heavy and my head feels like at any moment it might just roll off of my shoulders. Right now I would love nothing more than to curl up with Stella on the couch and sleep til it's dark. Well there are things I would love more. Like going to the castle. Or going to Garden of the Gods with Rainy and some wonderful picnic foods. I enjoy taking Rainy hiking. Ollie is far less behaved on a leash and not nearly as intimidating to would-be-bad-guys. No one is scared of a yellow dog. Well maybe some people are. But far more people believe the Pitbull myth. Stella is too young to hike and quite frankly I'm not sure she'll ever be a hiking dog. Her legs are short and her belly is bigger around than she is tall. All of the perfect traits in a Bulldog. Not a marathon partner by any means. Which is alright since I never plan on running a marathon. Ever.

The children, the neighbor ones, are in the pack yard. Pounding on the stucco wall that separates the first 10 or so feet of our yards. It is killing me. Maybe not literally but I truly think with each "bang" a little part of my brain dies.

I suppose I should do something productive.

Like clean.
Or rip through this Sookie Stackhouse novel.
Hmmmmm..... decisions.....

"When someone offers you drugs, my immediate reaction is to ask what are the side effects" That quote always makes me lol.

Their is a truth hidden deep in my skin that i want to cut open for the world to see. Underneath my scars so bold, I unleash the secrets of my past.

I've always had a part of me be mysterious, Don't give it way for free, don't give it away at all.

Somewhere I read recently said "don't give away your source of inspiration, or you will never be creative". so true.

As vain as I can be, I always like my motivation to be on the backbone. When your cut open, your vulnerable. I always rub salt in my open wounds to be real, but nobody else needs to see my pain.

random 3 am babbles

Amen

the more that you dwell on something negative, the bigger it will become in your mind.
do not lie to yourself, but do not immerse yourself in something mediocre.
focus on the positive. and the positive will focus on you.

(idk what the hell i'm talking about, but i'm sick of stupid what if scenarios playin in my head.)

Well, I randomly decided to log on today for the first time in a couple of months and had some g-spots and 15 hits! I was like??? o.O whats that now?! hehe

Then I realized I just had my like 3rd meloversary and yeah...

Got to go compete in my first art show yesterday which was awesome, I entered a ceramic artist cup and a paper casting. 2 people from my group are now going to state and my art teacher is going to enter my paper casting in another show soon.

I got to make a necklace, play with oil pastels, printmake, spin art, and paint in some of their workshop deals which was pretty cool and it got me out of work so it was really fun. ^_^

OH! That's a new one, I just quit my sucky ass job at sonic and am thinking of going for a sucky ass job at lowes. XD

....pays better anyway

... uh, can't think of anything else to post right now so yea, sayonara <3

Twitter is utterly addicting and, possibly, overwhelming. It's very self-indulgent, but it's good to be self-indulgent. :)

I wish the new Gorillaz album would leak.

In general, I'm so bored with music. There have been a few good releases out there, but I've listened to them a lot. I can only listen to Lady Gaga so much.

That's all for now. I have to keep a kitty from getting in trouble.

Have fun, kids!

For some odd reason, I went from writing and bitching a lot to nothing. When I get home, I just get on fucking Facebook for 2-3 hours to play all the games, and then I'm off the internets. So much shit has happened since my last bitch'fests.

But right now I have to get ready for Weight Watchers. 40 lbs of fat are gone, and more need to go. Tho, I had a shite week, so I may have gained. At least I'm not looking like I did 2-3 years ago. Wow...that was horrendous. It's bad when you can rest your hands on your fat roll. ha.ha.

Cheers.