I’m changing my site, let’s hope I can do this with a little help. It sucks. I know.

I can make it, everything’s hard. There’s no good reason I should have to be so alone. Am I?



I was thinking, about the little things I remember as a child. The small things like walking and seeing horses, or once playing at MacDonalds. There are so many things that children see now, that we don’t even think about, and it changes them. It gives them something else to think about and that changes something inside them. Who’s to know what kids now are going to think about. They’re going to think we’re cool cause we’re snorting coke in the bathroom and not getting caught when really, we’re killing ourselves, they just don’t understand.

I tried.

I found out some things. I feel good about the fact that I realized them and wasn’t told.


I figured out that we can all love each other, and it’s ok to get mad and agrivated, but we all just need to calm down and talk about it without getting mad or upset. Sometimes it’s not about telling your point of view, but listening to someone elses.


I was listening to Kevin, as I always do, and I realized that I was right after Patty, and that he learned a lot with the relationship that we had. I know that there were times when I could feel that he cared so much about me, but he was learning that he could. I know now that it wasn’t about me. I was there to help him. I hoep I have and I hope that I still can. Maybe not in the same way, but I hope I’m still close to him.


Adella and I worked out somethings too. I know that I can get mad at myslelf for getting mad, and sometimes I take it out on other people, but I never thought that’s why Adella was upset. I’m so happy we got that shit cleared up. Sometimes it’s good to be happy.

I want to be happy with the life I live. I hope you all can have to strenght to live up to your potential. I would love you if I could. I love people that I don’t know. I miss the days where I used to be generally happy, but I’m so excited about the things that could happen. The life I live now, can’t be changed. The only thing we can change is tomorrow because we should just live with today. All we can do is live.

-kat-

I still smile when I think of you, followed by a tear. granted you will never read. After all the hurt I went through. I still love you and care more than you will ever know.

I still wonder how I could be so easily replaced, but maybe I wasn’t. It’s nice to think you had just as hard of a time. But then I’d be nieve. Just to be yours I would be.

How could he be better?

How could she be funner? Better for you?

I want to be mad............I can be if I want

maybe not mad, but so sad that it makes me hurt and that makes me mad

it sucks


she was part of my memories and now her death has made them in vain.




I’ll miss you, lord please take care of her
















and not only this, but I had a dream there was no more hate, but everyone kept reminding her, they just kept trying to make it worse. I’m sorry for everything. I know it was all my fault. Maybe not all, but I don’t care. I’ve missed you.

womp womp womp


hehehe

Fuck you, you suck




_~_~_bibilie blou goose bam bam_~-1_`WE%R~


don’t think that last part mean anything :::::looks around::::



I am nothing.......... HEAR ME ROAR.........::cough::



this isn’t as funny to you as it is for me










I have to pee

Do you know I miss you?

I know there out there. I know there watching. Moniter my ass!

YEAH I missed Martin a lot. I’m so glad I got to see him.

No more Mornign Glory seeds!!!! I will hurt you if you even offer. Promise.

I think that I’m gonna be doing some normal thing. Things that a lot of people take for granted. I’ve been thinking about it and I think that some of you would like to do the things that I do, and live the way I do. You think taht the movies you see make you wanna go out and live and feel infinite. Well it’s a great feeling. I promise. To feel like the song on the radio plays for you and all these people want to be like you. Yeah it’s great. Just remember that people like me tell you to have fun, but remember your roots. Remeber those who care and go to school. Everything works the way it does. Damn the man, but you sure the hell can’t change him.

-Kat-

everything you told me to be

just enough

holding on

asking for more time

feeling left out

fearing the worst

haveing a fit

feeling desperate

out of your mind

confused

begining to realize

something I thought you wanted

wrong

guessing to many things

phycoanylizing your every move

listening to all your favorite songs

thinking about you

trying as hard as I can

never going to be enough

tasting your last kiss

feeling your last touch

remember when I didn’t have to wish

waiting for your call

seeing nothing in us

wishing you were here

hopeing you will finally go away from my heart and head

seeing the truth

wanting things to be differnent

thinking about the first time

leaning back

trying to fix myself

sufficating myself in your lies

letting you rap me up in nothing

realizing it’s really nothing

finishing your last song



letting go











Are you even listening?

Daddy would give it all up for his little girl.

She would give everything for him.

But he thinks he has nothing to give, so he doesn’t care about her. And she’s sad cause she realizes all the time how he is, but still she goes back becuase once, he mad her happy. And sometimes she thinks she makes him happy. But she’ll never know.

Shellie Baker was 16 when she feel in love. A real daddy’s girl who thought if she dated a rebel like in the movies, then he’d love her and stick up for her like in the movies. The trouth was though, he just didn’t care.
They dated for about 3 months and things began to get wild. Going to parties every night. She loved it, but in the back of her mind she knew she should go home. But she never did. Three days went by and there was no word from Shellie. Her parents quickly were frightened. Never thinking their daughter could have ended up where she was because of the real reason why. They found her body rapped in a blanket on the side of the road. Beatun to death. How’s that for love?

Friday::
I really didn’t plan on anything. I just wanted to get out of the house so I walked to the AMC 30. Bam Bam Tam, Tasha, and Brandon were up there. (I saw Mark at the mall). We went driving around for a little, and then Brandon dropped us off at Chris’s. When Mellissa and I got back from taking the girls home, Nathan’s truck was there. We waited for the guys to get back from the shack and then the party began. I was so damn drunk and tired so Nathan and I took a drive to wake us up. We played spies at Walmart. I lost him! I was still spyin’ though. ’Then we played in a field, and then we went to some 18 wheeler park and played on the trucks. I was Delicious....something or other. It was a lot of fun. Then we wrestled. Than back to Chris’s where we slept. In the morning Eric, Kelly and I got drunk again. Then I went back to sleep. Later Nathan took me home. I hate that I haven’t seen him since.

Saturday::
I went straight into bed. Sleept till 5. Bam Bam Tam and Brandon and Natashacame over. We played games and laughed. It was a lot of fun. Then Matt came over and picked us up at about 10 to go to Rocky Horror. We went to his house and then some one called me (wrong number) and I talked them into going to Rocky Horror. Then some other guys called me and it was Maxie! I haven’t talked to him in a while. What a co-winkie-dink. On our way to the Magnolia, we got a flat, so we just hung out at Head’s. That’s always fun. Everyone at Chris’s kept calling me so Matt turned my phone off. We had a tickle war in which I lost. I can’t help it if A LOT of me is tickleish. Then Matt took Sarah and I to Chris’s. I fucking gave Mellissa and Damien 30 dollars, and I really don’t think they’ll even pay me back. That’s really fucked up. I was hopeing that Nathan would come by, just like he did the last time. But he didn’t. I miss him. I got way to fucked up anyway. NO SMOKING AND DRINKING AT THE SOME TIME FOR KAT.

Sunday::
I woke up at Chris’s around 12 and went home and slept till 6 something. My dad took me to BD’s. I love that place.



I can’t wait to go out to eat with Tiff Friday. I can’t wait to go to the fucking STARS GAME! I can’t wait for Nathan to come back.

..........that shines brightly............






I don’t want to let go

I have great times and bad times the past couple weeks. I’m happy. Sorta. I should just be happy to be alive. I am. Everyone should.

I want to sing..........I want to dance............I want some gum