I Miss Everything


I Miss Me
I Miss You
And I Miss Us

I can't be happy being alone..

I wasn't happy till i was with cassie...

I won't push anyone away.. but theres no one to push away....

I can't give up, Diane told me not to, and cassies words make me hold on....

But because of this I am scarred...

Wounds may heal.. but the scar is forever there...

I'm going to look to the future.. there lies my happiness and salvation...

Thats Sweet How I Can't Change My Profile Pic.... pffft....
"Words I Write , Cheap and Trite"
Well school was pretty hectic today... went in a half and hour early cuz we had tons of assignments due today...(we have assignments do everyday) but its all handson.. so no homework in this module... kind of worried about Word Level 2 tho.. since level 1 is so funny.. but meh... worried more about Excel.. since its suppose to ahve math in it.. and i blow at math... well things are going alright... cept i gotta work 4 days in a row starting tomorrow... like.. what is that?? thats not partime.. thats like fulltime... well.. just thought id bitch and stuff.. have a good 1 everyone!!!!!!

7. Cradle

Breathe...
Push...
...I lost you, you were my god thought what do I do now
you were never there for me never there to carry me,
26 years looking back that time is gone it was you I believed in look
what you've done to me realize what you've done to

Me

I can't see going on in this darkness I'm blind beneath my cradle the
bough has broke, I exorcise my loss your lie the punishment

It takes time to try to mend the wounds of all the suffering,
What do I do now all I'm asking from you please send me a sign to
guide me through the times that lie in front of me I'll get by
myself

Look at me now, a piece of shit like you.
Look at me now, you left me so fuck you.

Everybody leaves me, everybody's gone.
Watch my father leave me, there's nobody left.
Feels like I've never been loved.
Everybody leaves me, never gave a shit about me.
Everybody's gone, I'll rot in my head alone.
I don't give a fuck about you, go the fuck away .

Fake being, inside of my heart you are the liar.
Innocence displaced.
Been left.

Here I stand now and I'm alone,
With no one to comfort me.
One set of footprints in the sand.
No one to take my hand, I'll .
I'll walk through as long as I need.
I'll drift through my life though I'm alone.
Outgrown the cradle that once housed me
And I've found that all I need is
Me.

Found I've never needed you to push through
All the shit that stacks up inside of my life.
Endless plight that circulates through my body.
I'll keep stumbling, beating, pummeling
Teething on the rind and renounce my being.

I can't see going on.

I can't see
I'm so tired, of trying to mend the wounds of all my suffering.
What do I do now?
All I'm asking from you please,
Send me a sign
To guide me through the times that lie in front of me.
I'll get by myself

I can't see going on fuck it.

yea... so cassie told me last night that she likes girls now.. as if all the other things shes done lately and said lately.. didnt fuck up everything enough...the quote " bleeding hearts show no tears" is so true.. i didnt even cry.. because my hearts been bleeding for so long now. and then she says that she still really cares about me , and how she couldnt sleep because she felt bad.. and how she never cheated on me.. i told her.. if she really did care about me.. when she broke my heart and i felt like the epitaph of dieing , and i had all the signs of major depression , i just wanted her to be a friend.. and she couldnt even do that.. and then she says that she doesnt know how to just be my friend? what does that mean to me? that means to me that she still has feelings for me.. well she said that its cuz we were always together.. so yea...
yea.. i have a exam today.. last day of professional skills.. thank fuckin god.. i definitely did one of the best in the class... yea.. ive been listening to anti-flag all morning.. music means everything to me... it is a way out.. a way of healing.. also cassie has been saying that were different and that were not in common and i thought of like 25 things in like 15 minutes. well im going to stop writing now... im pretty much talking to myself on this god damn site anyways.. well peace out...

Why / My Conscience


By Duncan RB McCulloch



Why Do You Bother , Why Do You Even Try
She doesn't care about you , and probally wouldnt care if you died
she just uses you , and is trying to lose you
Why do you try to go on , when theres no one for you
you had your one chance , and you blew it
I know you still love her , but she doesnt love you
why do you even want to stay alive , when the sky soon won't be blue
you sent her roses for her to think , but do you think she even kept them?
this world is shit , and full of pain
Things probally won't get better , i will never be the same
its been three months , why dont you give up , Do you really think things will look up?
shes moved on , she doesnt even want you in her life
and your still waiting , wanting and needing her in your life.
if you were suicidal , you would probally be already dead.
what are you even thinking ? , what is going through your head?
she only talks to you , when she wants a drive or money?
why do you put up with that , it isnt really funny.
why dont you listen , when people tell you to give up
well i guess , i might as well shuttup
you wont listen to me , or anyone else
i guess your doomed , to a life of hell
you decided to keep living your broken life and broken dreams
when she hugs and kisses you , she doesnt mean what you think
go jump in a pool , let yourself sink
let yourself go , she's all you think about
i give up , your to damaged to be saved
well im going to shuttup now , its not sinking in
so just stop trying , you can't win
you do everything you can for her , and she does not realize
that you will always be there for her , often with tears in your eyes.
she cuts you up , like a person cuts with razorblades
im leaving you now , his voice begins to fade.
your falling appart here , no one will come to your aid.
go find a quiet grave , surrounded my shade

Best Household Pet?

45% said Dog
18% said Cat
9% said Rodent (mice , hamster ,rat , etc)
27% said Skunk/Pot Belly Pig/etc
0% said Spider (Tarantula)

Total Votes: 11

untitled
By Duncan McCulloch

Being with you is like the birds singing in the trees
Being without you is like being stung by bee's
You Don't Realize how beautiful you really are ,
when I look at you I see a glowing star.

Like a red rose surrounded by thorns
Life is sometimes tough , since the day your born
It May seem bad things always happen to you
But Remember I'll always be here no matter what you do

I will love you till the day I die
love lasts forever , so can you and I
Everytime i look into you eyes ,
I see a sunset in the sky.

When were apart I think about you
I almost start to cry.
and when you treat me bad
I feel like a could die.

So please think of me
and how i dried your eyes
how i was there to hold you ,
when someone close to you died.

Life is a beautiful thing
and so are you and I
arent you glad
You found such a sweet guy?.

I Love You Cassie.. And I Always Will
By : Duncan RB McCulloch.

hey., so yea,, i did go to prom.. it was alright i guess.. pretty boring.. and crappy music , and everyone left early.. and cassie kept running off and leaving me alone.. meh.. and then she got super upset when i took off my suit after prom... i didnt know she felt that strongly about me keeping it on.. yea.. well i hope cassie calls soon.. i miss the sound of her voice... yea.. well i should go shower... i love u cass.. and i miss u tons.. but ill see you tomorrow....

mehhhh...
i dunno what else to say...
i might be going to school at compucollege taking a veternary course... got to go to a private information session there on thursday.. so yup... and yea... well going now.. peace everyone

Hey EVeryone!
woah../. its been a really long time since ive posted on here
well.. heres whats been happening lately
well.. as you may or may not know.. me and cassie are back together and hhave been for probally over a month ( we only were broke up for a week)
and its all good.... and guess what? were getting engaged on saturday!!! awesome eh?...
i think it is.. i love my baby so much and i miss her .. she is my everything
well .. theres been rumors and stuff and alot of shit going on at her stupid school about her.. so give her some lovin! ( wavering_girl <--melo ) ( giftofisis <-- deviant art )
she doesnt deserve anything bad liek that to happen to her but atleast now she knows who truely is her friends
and katie and stevie aint one of them.. i always knew those 2 were bad , thats why i never liked em.. but i accepted them because cassie needed and wanted me to like them.. so i tried.. well.. im glad i didnt get to like them.. stupid asses
well in happier news i got a scooter.. but it doesnt go very fast so i dunno what im gonna due.. im getting a new battery for it.. and hopefully that will fix my lights and blinkers and such... ugh.. i just hate holding people up and being noticed.. im weird that way.. i might take it up to cassies and leave it there.. till we move down here.. because its licenced and insured and everything.. and its durable and stuff so it can go on grass and dirt and stuff just fine...
well besides that nothing much has really been up with me.. just work work work work work
well anyways i should be going i gotta work soon
well xoxxxx to cassie my one and only
*waves to everyone
peace

well heres what happened this weekend... on saturday me and gordon went to a movie ( hostage... was really good) , and did some drive by sys.. ... then on sunday after lunch i went up to cassies... and let me tell ya.. it was actually really good.... i love cassie more then anything.... and we went to woodstock to see a movie ( the ring 2 ,, it was okay,,) but in one part of the movie u can see the microphone in the video.. lol its right cheap... ud think they'd fix that before they sent it to all the theatres....
well yea.. and me and cassie had good sex... which we hevent in a while... lol.. so im pretty happy about that... and on monday we went into her moms for easter and for the easter egg hunt... and then we went back home , but mitchys car quit so we walked the rest of the way to the house , got my car , and pulled mitch's car back... and after we got it back , he got it started.... lol.. so if he did whatever he did back there i wouldnt of even needed to tow it... oh well.... well im gonna go to the bank now... i love cassie so much... xoxxx and i miss her.... well peace out everyone... DeE
Ps.. and oh yea... i got her a big holy chocolate dog with a bandana for her for easter , and a 3 pack of lipgloss... and i told her not to worry about getting me anything ( no money ) , because i have everything i want for easter :P

this is my email to cassie... i dont think were together write now... but she said that after she gets a short break... that we will.. so i hope that she will be my girlfriend again... because i dont want anyone else...


hi hun.... im sorry for everything i ever called u... you know i never meant any of it... i guess i dont believe im worth being faithfull 2... but i know u have been... which probally is hard for you because im so not worth it.. but you have to believe me when i say that i love you.. and a honestly wouldnt want to live without u... im not sayin id kill myself.. but id never be happy again... and u can believe me or u can not... it doesnt really matter.. because i wouldnt throw us away... never... i love u 2 much... your my world cassie... im sorry for everything ive ever done ot hurt u.... i dont deserve anyone.. and im destind to be alone forever... and i dont want anyone else but u..... and you dont want to fix us... or move out with me... so ill try to keep on going... but i dont know if ill be able to without u...... i love you cassie , and i always will... and it hurt me when everyone was against me and insulting me ... so i know what it feels like ... as much as u do... cuz my friends dont insult u.... and your friends are always insulting me... and that makes me feel really bad... and ive never threatend u.. or your friends.... i would never hurt u physically... and i know uve been confused lately.. and you lost your connection to me... <-- well thats what u told me... i still feel connected to u.. maybe not as much as before.. but thats because your so different now... i will never stop loving you tho... even if i dont like how u are now.. i still love u.. and i would never give up on u or us.... i hate it tho how you always say that u dont know if you can be with me anymore.. that makes me feel really bad.... you cant fix problems by running away.. and know ur probally reading this and saying to urself " i can run away from my fuckin problems if u want to" well yes u can.. but what good is that going to do u... none... exept make the pain go away for a little while... im scared that if u can be without me for 2 weekends.. that u can go without me forever.... i know u could move on from me cassie..... i dont want u to go to that party and i dont wnat u to drive with teddy because hes always trying to get with u.... it bothers me how ur okay with that.... i hate it how guys are always hitting on u and shit... how do i know that u actually beat them up and shit... i believe u when u say u do.. but i dunno u lie to me so much now.. that i half believe and trust u.. and the other half of me says to itself... why would she not be with those guys? what do i ahve thats better then what they have? u see what i mean cass.. so wat if i have a crappy low paying job and a car... most guys do... im not goodlooking and im skinny and i got a hole in my chest... u know very well that i couldnt get another girlfriend.. and i wouldnt want to... i hope that this week will do u good.. but u need to actually spend time alone.. or just with ur family.... or atleast not with katie and them... i dont dislike ur millville friends cass.. i just worry.. cuz they already have wore off alot of bad things on u like smoking and attitude and stuff like that... i care about u and how u are more then ull ever know.. and it kills me inside when u tell me to go home and when u yell at me and donttalk to me.. i have no one cassie.... if i lose u.. all be all alone.... i dont want to have no one to care about me cassie... ur all that i got.. i love u so much... and im sorry for everything ive ever done.. i realize now the pain my insults have caused u.. im just frustrated lately with the no sex or kissing or hugging or anything ... u dont even act like were going out anymore... and ur always wanting to hang out with ur friends on the weekend isntead of me... i want to do things on the weekend.. like see movies and rent movies and stuff... but u never want to go on dates and stuff with me... all u want lately is 2 have fun.. u dont wnat love or a bf or anything..im dieing inside... this iskilling me...im trying to hang on... but if u dont want us anymore then what is there left for me to hang on to... well im going to go to bed now... i hope u actually read this... i love u so much.. and i know ive hurt u.. but uve hurt me alot 2... and ive always been the same... ive never changed... ur are constantly changing .. and its hard for me to adapt..if u want a boyfriend from ur area that is either unemployed or on unemployment that likes to have "fun" constantly ( pot , drugs , alcohol , cheats , sex , parties etc) then i guess thats up 2 u.. but i guess im nost a "fun" guy i guess to u... and i cant help that... im sorry im from fredericton and i actually care about things and not just drugs and alcohol and sleeping with lots of girls...everyone up there is care free... im sorry that i care about u alot and about our future... and i want to be ur husband and i want to have a kid and i want to help u with ur future... i want u to go to school annd become a mechanic and i want to move onto the next step... ull probally disagree when i say this.. but i think its time u moved away from millville... well i love u ... and if u dont stay with me this weekend coming up i dont know what ill do....so please dont tlel me u dont know if u want to fix us.. or that u dont want me anymore... because i cant take that anymore..... saying things like that hurts a person more then insults do.. atleast to me it does... well again im sorry for insulting u or whatever and not letting u take appart my whole dash... and btw... my moms said that people who do death threats and stuff like that to your partners arent really your friends.... and u know she is right... friends wouldnt do that.. i woudlnt let me friends call u with deaththreats.. unless maybe if u fucked someone else... which ive never done... and dont plan on....anyways ive wrote enough.. u probally wont read it much anyways... i want u to think about things tho.. and not bad things.. i want u to want me again.... because im hurting inside... as much as u are... and i think its stupid to throw 2 years of the best time of my life away over u throwing me out and ur friends giving me deaththreats... so me insulting u...shouldnt be worth throwing that all aawy to you.... well xox xxx i miss you and i love u... and i believe that u only get one person in your life that is perfect for you.... and believe it or not cassie... my one person... is you....

HAPPY ST PATRICKS DAY!!! i hope u fukerz got nice and drunk.. i never did shit... i was working and even if i wasnt i still wouldnt of done anything

.... heres the email i wrote cassie... i cant take this pain anymore... so im done with you cassie......






were done...
its over.... no more DM + CF bullshit
im tired of this......
don't bother trying to talk to me.. because i dont want to talk to you....
....you've been lieing through your teeth for the longest time now.... and ive had enough of it... and don't fuckin say your gonna change.... im tired of waiting half a fuckin year for you to change... its over....
you lied about meeting monica and kenny.... and her going to april wine concert , you lied about you telling diana to fuck off.. and she said u told her i was acting funny lately , and that all i said was a lie... well guess what??? your the one thats fucked up.. and been acting weird lately.. im not the one on med's ..... so whatever im not taking your bullshit and lies anymore... so go suck on your fuckin cancer stick , tell your lies , be a flirt , and use that stupid fuckin gaia site that people use because no one likes them in real life...... so whatever cassie.. i dont want this anymore... and you brought this on yourself.... and don't try to talk your way back to me... because i'm not going to have a smoking , lieing person as my girlfriend.... well im done writing im done telling you what bothers me.. you never listen and your officially the bringer of sorrow to my heart... so bye... and one more thing... if u get another boyfriend.. give him some fuckin respect , and listen to what he has to say... and don't lie all the time to him... and most importantly.. dont be a fuckin bitch to him...
...ByE.....

From Duncan - The Now Single Guy