I feel trapped I am a bird in a cage but not in the way people probably think I’m saying but right now I like being trapped, yet I am held down and the held down aspect is hurting me, knowing I cannot be the way I am. I cannot tell people I love them and I do love them not in the way I love eric, I love each person differently, but I do love them alot. I love eric immensely, I will ALWAYS love kittyhead, always. His love will never leave me, even if it never seemed real, i will always love him. and Eric i will always love, my heart bleeds for him too. But it bleeds because he is squeezing it and holding it too tight. suffocating my heart

I know he will read this now and suffocate himself

cry for me and die for me, I am his life apparently.
he is the relationship i never wanted never needed and never wanted to need. The love that will pull me down and hold me down and keep me from my flying machine. I was so close, this close, to finishing. my magical, and extravical flying machine.
+++love+++ P.S. I think I have a bladder problem. you people should expect writings like that because this is MY journal, isn’t it?