Ok..hmm tons has happend i dont know where to start. Well we got the tickets to see AFI and the grest Coheed!hells yeah to that! That crowd is gunna be insane! cant wait! effing feb 21st come by faster! well..the other night was just horrible and i said some things i didnt mean.I hurt kyle.And im still sad for that.I wish i never said it in the first place but then again im sorta glad i did.I guess cause it brought us just a little closer.Im just so glad he forgave me.I love him so much..and i mean it.Well hmm..what else..SuZy has a bf..OOoo. watch out now haha.The Lush IS GAY haha jk..you know i love ya! and ummm thats kind of it! haha. i guess i just dont really feel like writing in here. BYE!

HEY..ok lets see...me and my dad are cool now.pretty gay but yeah.the a static lullaby/afi/and coheed is gunna be playin soon.IM GOING you sons of bitches! hells yeah!i married ashley today.wish us the best! lol. umm..i watched the used dvd the other day KEMO EMO ummm kyles gunna rape me tomorrow! :)

my dad..it was the other night and i was online..and it was like 9:30 and my dad comes yelling get off..and im like "uh why..its early" and i usually get off anytime i want..well..yeah he was yelling..and he was like "you got on at 8:30" and i was like "because mom had to do something.." and yeah he kicked me off because i got on too early..so that made me mad..and i told him he was acting like a punk..and he was like "ok you can just forget about getting on at all..cause im a punk now" and he just reallllly irrated me..and hes good at that..and well then as i was walking to my room i yelled "i dont like you" and i slammed my door. i tried talking to him..but he just ignored me. well that was yesterday. Today...wow totally new..and completey the same...just worse.ok...after my whole family and i got back church my dad was in a really bad mood...go figure...well he started yelling at my mom..and like saying the F word and stuff...and i was like "watch your mouth" because my little brother was in the room and he was like "you dont own shit.. i can say whatever the fuck i want to say..you aint in charge of shit"..and things like that
hes like "i will go over there and make you fucking cry if you dont shut your danm mouth"and i was saying "i dont like you" crying..so yeah thats basically whats goin on in my crappy little home. but hm...on the finer note..i talked to my love last night..it was so awesome. i love him so much! haha..but you all already know that! well that is all.byebye now.

OK...im ok now haha...i got back online and he wrote me an email...and it went a somethin like this-"my computer has been really fucking with me lately...it will say im on..when im not..or it will kick me off...or it wont let me talk to people....but i miss you so much this sucks..i just wanted to say merry christmas and i love you"...yeaahh!...well SUZY WAS RIGHT! good job buddie!....well i might not be here tonight so dont miss me lmao..i might be here tho..anywho......guess what tomorrow is...
*drum roll please*

THE ATREYU CONCERT!

Me , ashley, and janea are going! yes o yes! im gunna have a hell of a time with two great and sexy sons of bitches! haha!!!!
p.s...i miss kyle.

Jubei 9000: you are a goddess of beauty, kindness, kick ass bands i’ve never heard of, and down right awesomeness

x ThEcuRe187: i love you..you rock tons of heart

OldLadyShadesx: steph! do u remember that one time we were at the beach sitting on that bench..and we were being attacked by seaguls! i was so scared..but you told me that it was all going to be ok in the end..i believed you..and then the seaguls shit all over my head..and you got up and ran waving your arms everywhere and screaming bloody murder. do you remember? :-)

LifelessLips: Stephaine... you are the raddest chick alive!! thanks for always listening to me.. NEVER change! i seriosuely dont know what i would have done if i hadn’t met u.. i probly would have gone crazy!! you’re so great!! im not just saying that yer so damn awesome!!! x ll o

VictmxofxReality: Stephanie is one of the few girls I know that is RAPEABLE. She has the nicest of T-Shirts, one in perticular that is quite apealing to my taste buds. She always hooks me up with cute lil pictarios of males kissing...and other "sexual" things.To sum up everything. STephaine ROCKS MY SOCKS!


Dude you guys all fucking rock..i love you tons!

WoW.im updating!ok ....uhh..im still in trouble which sucks an anis.trrryiiinngg to bring up my grades.i still need to go buy everyones gifts.the atreyu concert is on the 27th.ashley’s trying her little hardest to get those babies!go ashley!AH MAN i still need to clean my room.it is so messy.i cant even walk in it hahaha.the biatch lucia is chillin over here. WERE BORED!come save the insanity!!!!!haha.umm....thats kind of it...peace out.

well...I am in trouble :(...i wont be online...only for 15 min. im sorry..i had gotten bad grades in three classes...so yeah...just to let everyone know..im not dead..im grounded.

Pretty bOy come r a p e me!

Current mood:pissed off




I miss yOu sO good

[mood]blah!
[music]The early november
Hmm...well...emily is pissed at me.god knows why.she says we shouldnt talk for awhile.i dont know...that pisses me off tho.she says im into myself...who knows? i dont think im into myself..i dont even like myself.so whatever.i talked to kyle on the phonezy..hot voice!*aw i love you kyle!umm...school is pathetic..i hate it more than anything.the other day i got in a huge ass fight with my parents..then i just exploded..i started saying or yelling that i hated my life..i guess part of it is true.i dont know...something is like really wrong with me.i hate everyone right now.everyone seems to be pissing me off.especially at school.everyone annoys me.i just want to get away for a while.but i cant.i think im facing depression.but who knows? i have to take these nasty ass pills to help my stomach.it seems to be helping.
Wow...ive never felt more like shit than i do tonight.I thought Kyle could cheer me up..guess not. He only made it worse.he didnt even talk to me.its like he was never even on.i feel so useless.im a loser always online...never leaving the house.i feel trapped in this fucking house.i never go anywhere..and my parents wonder why i complain. they wonder why im so sick of my life and how everything seems to go wrong.no one loves me.i feel like shit everyday practically.usually kyle cheers me up.he makes me feel important.but lately i’ve thinking that he doesnt even love me.i dont know why.it just pops in my head.and then i become sad.i love him so fucking much its insane.i dont think ive ever loved someone this much.i feel like an idiot doing so.espcically if hes just playing me for a fool.i hate feeling sorry for myself.but i do.i cant stand it.its like a desease your trying to get away from but it somehow catches onto you.more tears i cry the more i feel like not being here.but i do have things to live for.........right?

wow o man i havent been in here in days!well where should i start...umm i have a new jOurnal thing to any of you who care.http://www.caleida.com/users/thedarkesttear/ check it out if you like.So much things have happened i dont know where to start.well i actually talked to josh...remember him.?my bf?!?well the fucker has a "real" gf now so fuck him.he seriously ruined my day but im over it.i can do better.hes way to into himself anyway.so then...me and kyle got pretty close.ooo yeaaahh haha. well on Hallows eve he asked me out!yesss kyle did.it rOcked. iwas the happiest i could ever be.he makes me smile he rocks my world.i really dont want to get hurt again tho.so lets pray for me now.On halloween some of my buddies came over.most of them couldnt so i understand.lately my tummy has been hurting.i dont know whats wrong but hopefully it will get better fast!ive been talking to Jessica a loooottt lately.it kicks!havent really been talking to bryanna..shes never on plus she lost her cell.And then vicky..i need to keep her posted.ill send her an email!what else...umm Lucky jessica got to go to the AFI concert!i wanted to go but my dad said no because he just found out about it the day before *shrugs* well so did i!anyway..she said it was amazing also the blood brothers performed!!!they got booed them fucking posers!curse them!!umm im pretty sure thats all thats "new"cold wheather out now YAY!anyway..schools a bitch.byebye.

This is so crazy. The guy i like is stuck in my head. I can’t stop thinking about him and im even having dreams. The funny thing is i dont even know the guy. i dont even know his name. is that weird? to be dreaming and thinking constantly about some guy. but its crazy i think cause everytime i see him i get goosebumps
and everytime i think about him i get chills. i dont know i could be going insane and losing my mind. or i could be...no i cant be falling inlove. i dont even know the guy. i dont know people help me out.

I dont want to be one of them
I dont want to be one of those fakes
But who isnt one in this world we live in
We try to be different really we do
To be seperated from them followers
But everything is so trendy now a days
Everyone is becoming one
Band shirts, guitar, black hair...
Theres so much to name
Why cant people be who they are
Why cant people just stop for one second
and drop everything that they copied
Turn around and just be them
i know some people actually like the bands
that they wear, but some just dont
They wear it to get attention
Just be who you are
Dont try to be something your not
Is that so hard?

so yeah today was pretty boring but a lot of stuff ended up happening. i asked marylena to give me a ride and she said ok well we went to winnersnitchel and then like at 3:30 she called her dad...well at that time she was suppose to be at practice well she ditched...anyway...we are there right and she called her dad on her cell and shes like "hey dad practice is over come pick me and my friend up at winnersnitchel yada yada" and then the dad was like "why are you there?" and shes like "because i got thirsty" and well then he goes "bullshit" and hung up...well we got in the car and he says to her "your ass is in trouble when we get home" well...i think its pretty stupid because the dad said that she is not allowed at all off of school property....gay! that dad is way too fucking over protected..but i feel really bad about marylena its kinda my fault for her getting in trouble :( well besides ruining my friends life...nothing really happened with the pe guy...just staring again...god hes so fucking hot haha!but yea...umm no school tomorrow thank god. i get to sleep in finally!!well i have nothing else new..byebye!

....... you could slit my throat
And with my one last gasping breath
I’d apologize for bleeding on your shirt.....



O wOw O wOw!SchOol sucks! ha! but whats new? well lets
see today during pe i saw thiS realllllly hot guy PIERCED below
the lip..wOnderful!I kept making eye-cOntact with him which is
greaaaat. ummm i talked to my twin today!ashley!aw shes
sO lucky shes going to the used concert on Tue. I wanted tO go
bUt its a schOol night and my parents are gay and said i
cOUldnt go...Well well well i just fOund out I get in the conCert
tO thrice FREE! hahahahaha!!!dOnt you just hate me? lol. well
IM sO bOOorrrreedddd sOmeone save me!!The football game
Is goin on right now..im not much of a fOotball persOn but
I would go just to talk with fRiends and meet hot guys..but
of course i couldnt go because we have company.ugh!well im
talkin tO tori so i guess this is better than watching sOme losers
play ha im so mean!TORI YOUR COMING TO THE CONCERT!
well im out..PEAcEeeeee!!!


And all I need to know
Is that I’m something you’ll be missing
Maybe I should hate you for this
Never really did ever quite get that far
Maybe I should hate you for this
Never really did ever quite get that...