i’m not dying
we’re not dying
We’re painting the roses black

Every unconventional lover
every lonely crevice in the lips
when i said i loved you
i never knew that i mean’t it
but i do now!!!!

You have x’s on your wrist
like a target for a game of hit or miss
i do too...i bled for you
and if you’d die for me...
i’m dying for you

every lonely day, seems to make words weaker
sealed with solemn touches
i need you so much

I’d take your pain away
take all of elicit dreams
i’d make them within your reach
to touch feel and keep
if only you’d help me paint the roses black
.....
shane and i are starting an emo band.....
::::::i miss you:::::

i’m not dying
we’re not dying
We’re painting the roses black

Every unconventional lover
every lonely crevice in the lips
when i said i loved you
i never knew that i mean’t it
but i do now!!!!

You have x’s on your wrist
like a target for a game of hit or miss
i do too...i bled for you
and if you’d die for me...
i’m dying for you

every lonely day, seems to make words weaker
sealed with solemn touches
i need you so much

I’d take your pain away
take all of elicit dreams
i’d make them within your reach
to touch feel and keep
if only you’d help me paint the roses black
.....
shane and i are starting an emo band.....
::::::i miss you:::::

Well...before i get to what i want...(cough, karma) i’m going to make a list about what i have trouble believing/understanding/viewing in religion:

1. Disapproval of Homosexuals: so there are millions close to a billion homosexuals on this earth. And myself being one, WTF. If "god" didn’t want them...why are we here. And now it’s almost proven that it’s biological! And so "God" burned down a city with raging rapists and sex fenes and some of them happened to be doing the deed male to male, and female to female (NOT ALL OF THEM) so, now all the fucking holy rollers are like...gays..eww! Isn’t it funny..eh eh?

2.God being Male: i have a hard time on this. In Krishna, krishna is viewed as many different figures, greek mythology, and many many other religious, there are females. So lets see, a feminist said "if god is male, all males are god" so..males are a representation of god! fuck...i don’t get it...the filth of most men is a representation of god,hahahahahahaha...I believe if you took all men off this earth, i believe the rest of the human race (females) would be able to survive, due to our technology and the mental and physically ability of women.

not done!

A Letter to Elise - You’re in love, but out of a
relationship. You knew it was going to end, but
you held on. Or...you’re in love but not loved
in return.

Which Song By The Cure Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
I really feel, like i’m losing my best friend...

A Letter to Elise Lyrics

oh elise it doesn’t matter what you say
i just can’t stay here every yesterday
like keep on acting out the same
the way we act out
every way to smile
forget
and make-believe we never needed
any more than this
any more than this

oh elise it doesn’t matter what you do
i know i’ll never really get inside of you
to make your eyes catch fire
the way they should
the way the blue could pull me in
if they only would
if they only would
at least i’d lose this sense of sensing something else
that hides away
from me and you
there’re worlds to part
with aching looks and breaking hearts
and all the prayers your hands can make
oh i just take as much as you can throw
and then throw it all away
oh i throw it all away
like throwing faces at the sky
like throwing arms round
yesterday
i stood and stared
wide-eyed in front of you
and the face i saw looked back
the way i wanted to
but i just can’t hold my tears away
the way you do

elise believe i never wanted this
i thought this time i’d keep all of my promises
i thought you were the girl i always dreamed about
but i let the dream go
and the promises broke
and the make-believe ran out...

so elise
it doesn’t matter what you say
i just can’t stay here every yesterday
like keep on acting out the same
the way we act out
every way to smile
forget
and make-believe we never needed
any more than this any more than this and every time i try to pick it up like falling sand as fast as i pick it up it runs away through my clutching hands but there’s nothing else i can really do there’s nothing else i can really do there’s nothing else i can really do at all...

In every single day, in every single person lies a single secluded place for their thoughts, their dreams, their true feelings. With every single place i created with my deep thoughts and dreams and such, i created a hollow soul. My body is only filled with emptiness of dreams and suppressed intention. In my intent i found investments. Investments of my heart, in many people, in many hearts, in many things. Most of my heart went to a small gathering of people. Three people, these three people taught me things that cannot be found in self, or with seeking alone. With every one love i found different things.
My first love,
endearing through the enlightenment of secretion and desolation as the embrace grew weak and the minds grew old, and conformity came to us both. Now we are still friends by mind and lovers at heart, forever.
My Second love,
This love seemed too everlasting. This is the love you could never decieve. I decieved this love, and in my heart i knew i could not handle the touch of a gentle soul on my flailing heart. I believed i would need time to accept this love. I believed it would always be there. Though i was waiting for the time to commit until the calls of the world took over. Now this love has left me, with it’s flailing embrace waiting for someone somewhere who will provide with the knowledge of a dismissable forever. I once believed the love was true, but i was only a cloud. Shading this lover’s mind. Corroding it with the hidden love that i was waiting to give. Goodbye my lover, Goodbye.
My Third Love,
My third love loved me like no other would love me, this love saved me, from my eternal sacrifice to the kings and queens of love. This love kept me near and caught each sigh with a kiss, an embrace, an escape. This lover provided me with the gift of care, and every last bit of faith. This lover healed the pain in my wrists, left me with scars to remember them. This lover has been away from my touch for a long suffering of time, I wish i could give this lover all the love i have to give, I will wait for this lover until the strains of time and through the emptiness of worldly space we will suffer. I only wish to have this lover, this lover would be the last to accept me. I would do anything, i have no one else to give my love to...
as you see, my heart is invested, and until recently i had two to give it to, and gave most of my external love to one. I have one left, in which i’m willing to give the strongest of embraces from my weak arms, and the most passionate of words strained through my tortured mind. I would do anything now, you’re all i have left with time
" ’Oh don’t talk of love’ the shadows purr Murmuring me away from you ’Don’t talk of worlds that never were’ The end is all that’s ever true " - the cure

In every single day, in every single person lies a single secluded place for their thoughts, their dreams, their true feelings. With every single place i created with my deep thoughts and dreams and such, i created a hollow soul. My body is only filled with emptiness of dreams and suppressed intention. In my intent i found investments. Investments of my heart, in many people, in many hearts, in many things. Most of my heart went to a small gathering of people. Three people, these three people taught me things that cannot be found in self, or with seeking alone. With every one love i found different things.
My first love,
endearing through the enlightenment of secretion and desolation as the embrace grew weak and the minds grew old, and conformity came to us both. Now we are still friends by mind and lovers at heart, forever.
My Second love,
This love seemed too everlasting. This is the love you could never decieve. I decieved this love, and in my heart i knew i could not handle the touch of a gentle soul on my flailing heart. I believed i would need time to accept this love. I believed it would always be there. Though i was waiting for the time to commit until the calls of the world took over. Now this love has left me, with it’s flailing embrace waiting for someone somewhere who will provide with the knowledge of a dismissable forever. I once believed the love was true, but i was only a cloud. Shading this lover’s mind. Corroding it with the hidden love that i was waiting to give. Goodbye my lover, Goodbye.
My Third Love,
My third love loved me like no other would love me, this love saved me, from my eternal sacrifice to the kings and queens of love. This love kept me near and caught each sigh with a kiss, an embrace, an escape. This lover provided me with the gift of care, and every last bit of faith. This lover healed the pain in my wrists, left me with scars to remember them. This lover has been away from my touch for a long suffering of time, I wish i could give this lover all the love i have to give, I will wait for this lover until the strains of time and through the emptiness of worldly space we will suffer. I only wish to have this lover, this lover would be the last to accept me. I would do anything, i have no one else to give my love to...
as you see, my heart is invested, and until recently i had two to give it to, and gave most of my external love to one. I have one left, in which i’m willing to give the strongest of embraces from my weak arms, and the most passionate of words strained through my tortured mind. I would do anything now, you’re all i have left with time
" ’Oh don’t talk of love’ the shadows purr Murmuring me away from you ’Don’t talk of worlds that never were’ The end is all that’s ever true " - the cure

name = Trisha Mejia
piercings = none
tattoos = none
height= 5’ 6"
shoe size = 10
hair color = highlights with red
eye color= green/hazel
siblings = Tiffany,Tawny,Robert, Daniel and Julian

[LAST...]
movie you watched = Gangster no.1
movie you bought = Scarface special edition for my dad
song you listened to = American waste
cd you bought = DeNoir’s demo
cd you listened to = R.E.M.- monster
person you’ve called = Brooke
person that’s called you = Brooke
tv show you’ve watched = Mtv news - homosexuals in society

[DO...]
you have a crush on someone = yes
you wish you could live somewhere else = yes
you think about suicide = yes
you believe in online dating = no
others find you attractive = some
you want more piercings = lip
you like roller coasters = yeah
you write in cursive or print = messy print

[FOR OR AGAINST...]
long distance relationships = no, not really
suicide = for
people = for
smoking = for
driving drunk = against
gay/lesbian relationships = strongly for

[HAVE YOU...]
ever cried over a girl = yes
ever cried over a boy = yes
ever lied to someone = yes
ever been in a fist fight = nope

[WHAT...]
shampoo do you use = Biolage, Joico, or Nioxin
shoes do you wear = flip flops always
are you scared of = my uncle’s truck out in the yard

[NUMBER...]
of times I have been in love?= almost twice 1 1/2
of times I have had my heart broken? = once
of hearts I have broken? = two
of times my name has appeared in the paper? = two
of things in my past that I regret? = using people...

[DO YOU THINK YOU ARE... ]
pretty = physically not really, internally..not really
hot = been called it...but that was gator and the bucks delux kid who likes me
friendly = yes
amusing = yes
loveable = yes...i am a cuddle monster
sweet = sometimes
dorky = once in a rare while

[FAVORITE...]
5 letter word:rarrr
Actor/actress: dunno
Candy: hershey’s cookies and cream
Cartoon: ed edd and eddy
Cereal: honey bunches of oats
Chewing gum: orbit
Color(s): deep purple or purple or burgandy
Color nail polish: none
Day of week: tuesday
Least fave day: Sunday or monday
Flower: lilac it’s a bush though..hmmm..oh well..or white roses
Jello flavor: don’t have one
Jewelry: turquoise choker
Summer/Winter: winter

|| Person who last.. ||
Slept in your bed: person with relations-sydney others-little brother
Saw you cry: david
Made you cry: my cousin masun
You went to the movies with: brooke, kendal, shane, joey and rick "Big Fish"
Sent you an email: myself or melo

|| Have you ever.. ||
Said "I love you" and meant it?: yes
Gone out in public in your pajamas: yes once
Kept a secret from everyone: yes
Cried during a movie: haha, yeah free willy
Planned your week based on the TV: nope
Been on stage: yes
Been to California: currently living
Been to New York, Hawaii, China, Canada, Europe, Asia, Australia: hawaii, Europe, New York (briefly)

|| This or That? || Apples or bananas?: bananas
Blue or red?: red
Walmart or Target?: target
Spring or Fall: fall
What are you gonna do after you finish this?: maybe sleep or read or something
What was the last meal you ate?: snickerdoodle
Are you bored?: no
Last noise you heard?: grandpa
Last smell you sniffed?: my cd case

|| Friendship/Love ||
Do you believe in love at first sight?: lust, not love...
Do you want children one day & if so, how many?: i sorta like kids but if i did it would be one or two...ugh...i’d adopt

|| Other Info ||
Criminal record? Nope
Do you speak any other languages?: some swedish some spanish
Last book you read: book of flying
Name some of your favorite things in your bedroom?: Guitar,cd’s,blanket, cigarettes

|| You ||
Nickname(s): TrishaMafisha,Tard, Trish
How old do you look?: 16 sometimes
How old do you act?: don’t know
Glasses/Contacts: both
Braces: nope
Do you have any pets?: yes
You get embarrassed: yes
What makes you happy?: cuddling
What upsets you?: lots...

|| Finish the sentence: ||
I Love to... ? : cuddle
"I Miss...": gleaming eyes and falling asleep in next to someone
"I Wish..." : i had a cuddle buddy
I Hope... " : things work out for the best
I’m Annoyed by...": rap
"I Want to be..." : cuddled
I Would Never...": marry in my family...ahh..incest
I’m tired of...": being alone
I Will Always be...": sad

So the events....i’m straight edge now, though i don’t think it’s a good thing with someone with a reoccuring temper blowout, and my anger...i just was in the back room yelling at my sister telling her i would fucking slit her throat with a butter knife as i yelled at her for telling me my only problem is that i’m always depressed...it is fucking with me...i grabbed her arm as tight as i could..and just screamed at her...so i realize there is definitely a fucking problem...it’s been building up to say the least, and the more i try to keep a low profile, it just comes back to me in the end...i’ve never felt such emotional tension to the point where i get this angry...it’s so new..so i don’t know how long this straight edge stuff will last...but i’m focusing on schoolwork a lot more, and i don’t know what else...but i’m trying...i hate this....everything i feel strongly about gets so thick through frustration and corrodes the last valve of release...but i hope i don’t fucking continue getting this angry...::sigh:: oh well .....-me

if i were a month i would be: december
if i were a day of the week i would be: tuesday
if i were a time of day i would be: 2 am
if i were a planet i would be:pluto
if i were a sea animal i would be: jellyfish
if i were a direction i would be: north
if i were a piece of furniture i would be: office chair
if i were a historical figure i would be:amadeus
if i were a liquid i would be: water
if i were a stone, i would be: Granite
if i were a tree, i would be: cedar
if i were a bird, i would be: an owl
if i were a tool, i would be: knife
if i were a flower/plant, i would be: iris
if i were a kind of weather, i would be: cloudy
if i were a mythical creature: bigfoot *creepy walking noise*
if i were a musical instrument, i would be:a sitar
if i were an animal, i would be:a puppy always comforting when needed
if i were a color, i would be: deep sensual purple
if i were an emotion, i would be: calm
if i were a vegetable, i would be: celery
if i were a sound, i would be: a droopy splash..like bloop
if i were an element, i would be: air
if i were a car, i would be: jaguar
if i were a song, i would be: "six different ways" by the cure
if i were a movie, i would be directed by:life
if i were a book, i would be written by: adrian mole
if i were a place, i would be: the stars
if i were a material, i would be: jean
if i were a taste, i would be: bittersweet
if i were a scent, i would be: cure sweatshirt
if i were a religion, i would be: none
if i were a word, i would be: splash
if i were a body part i would be:a hand, can hurt, caress ,and show lines of aging
if i were a facial expression i would be: a misleading smile
if i were a subject in school i would be: history
if i were a cartoon character i would be:eddy off of ed,edd and eddy
if i were a shape i would be: circle...a continuation
if i were a number i would be: 26
if i were a card, i would be: a two of hearts

Oh man you guys...This quiz is awesome..you should take it..like now...*SPRING BREAK 04’ WOOOOOOOOOOO* that was for THE JOEY ...and his wild crazy hick town alley fun cart throwing...weee

blah blah...have you ever woken up to the sweet scent of bliss, ooo..icicles....anyways...i wonder how long it will take to drink this whole cup of coffee,ready, set.....1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 SECONDS....weee...so i got blinded by the sun, It opened up my eyes i saw the sun *song*...ok.so down with the randomness...so my day was quite uneventful..until the evening...it seems like i have good days ..and right at last second...*boom* it all comes...it’s like a little fuzzy wind up toy ...tick, tick, tick, it’s so cute, tick , tick ..BOOM..so i’m pretty appalled at what people do...it’s so strange...awkward...i hate putting time and energy into hating people..but...blah...so much energy a few people used...i don’t know if it’s some sick satisfaction..but i don’t know ...ITS OVER...AND I WISHED I COULD HAVE REPAIRED IT TILL’ NOW...gararaararraumble...i really wish i could get inside the minds of other people...i don’t know...well i’m glad..i think i’ll move on now...so...ya..and i’m gonna write an opinion thing for the paper and hopefully it will go in *crosses fingers*.feelings are very very powerful..and i have many...oh so many..it’s just very questionable..not regretful *glares* ...i don’t know..i have so much concern as to where this will end up..but right now i wish i could be friends with these people..but that’s very out of the question..maybe in later days...so my grandparents...mom and dad are out of town for the whoooooolllllleee entire day...that’s a lot...but..let’s see..what to do...I FOUND PINK KEDS IN MY GRANDPARENTS HOUSE....haha random...alright..i go now...*wisks away into the daylight* oh man i think i have poison oak on my leg...blah blah ciao -me..

blah blah...have you ever woken up to the sweet scent of bliss, ooo..icicles....anyways...i wonder how long it will take to drink this whole cup of coffee,ready, set.....1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 SECONDS....weee...so i got blinded by the sun, It opened up my eyes i saw the sun *song*...ok.so down with the randomness...so my day was quite uneventful..until the evening...it seems like i have good days ..and right at last second...*boom* it all comes...it’s like a little fuzzy wind up toy ...tick, tick, tick, it’s so cute, tick , tick ..BOOM..so i’m pretty appalled at what people do...it’s so strange...awkward...i hate putting time and energy into hating people..but...blah...so much energy a few people used...i don’t know if it’s some sick satisfaction..but i don’t know ...ITS OVER...AND I WISHED I COULD HAVE REPAIRED IT TILL’ NOW...gararaararraumble...i really wish i could get inside the minds of other people...i don’t know...well i’m glad..i think i’ll move on now...so...ya..and i’m gonna write an opinion thing for the paper and hopefully it will go in *crosses fingers*.feelings are very very powerful..and i have many...oh so many..it’s just very questionable..not regretful *glares* ...i don’t know..i have so much concern as to where this will end up..but right now i wish i could be friends with these people..but that’s very out of the question..maybe in later days...so my grandparents...mom and dad are out of town for the whoooooolllllleee entire day...that’s a lot...but..let’s see..what to do...I FOUND PINK KEDS IN MY GRANDPARENTS HOUSE....haha random...alright..i go now...*wisks away into the daylight* oh man i think i have poison oak on my leg...blah blah ciao -me..

i n f o r m a t i o n
1. name: Trisha Lyn Mejia-Mendiola
2. single or taken: single
3. sex: Female
4. bday: 12/26/88
5. sign: Capricorn
6. siblings: Tiff, Wonton, Rob
7. hair color: Dark Violet
8. eye color: green
9. shoe size:9 1/2 - 10
10. height: 5’6
r e l a t i o n s h i p s
1. who is your best friend? No one
2. do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: no
3. did you send this to your crush?: nope
4. did your crush send this to you?: nope
f a s h i o n | s t u f f
1. where is your favorite place to shop: Electric Chair, Rerock4ever
2. any tattoos or piercings: ears, soon wrist piercing
s p e c i f i c s
1. do you do drugs?: no..never
2. what kind of shampoo do you use?: Nioxin
3. what are you most scared of? loneliness
4. what are you listening to right now?:Your so vain - carly simon
5. who is the last person that called you?: don’t know
6. where do you want to get married?:never
7. how many buddies are online right now?: 10
8. what would you change about yourself? my carelessness
f a v o r i t e s
1. color: deep violet..like my hair
2. food: Poppy seed muffin, baclava
3. boys names: julian
4. girls names: jovi, tegan
5. subjects in school: none
6. animals: puppy, dog, fish
7. sports: i really like softball, surfing, jet skiing
h a v e | y o u | e v e r
1. given anyone a bath?: no..maybe my puppy
2. smoked?: yes
3. bungee jumped?: no
4. made yourself throw up?: yes
5. skinny dipped?: no
6: ever been in love?: i don’t know
7. made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: no
8. pictured your crush naked?: no
9. actually seen your crush naked?:no
10. cried when someone died?: yes
12. fallen for your best friend?: don’t know
13. been rejected?: yes
14. rejected someone?: in a manner, yes
15. used someone?: guess so
16. done something you regret?: yeah
c u r r e n t
clothes: favorite pants..sweatshirt "the cure"
music: Bright eyes, garbage, placebo
make-up: no
annoyance: myself
smell: menthol cigarettes
favorite group:the cure, placebo, erasure, the smiths
desktop picture:pro vegitarian one kendal sent me
book you’re reading: farienheit 415 ..spelling ugh
cd in player: mix with, falco,placebo,depeche mode, carly simon
dvd in player: don’t know
color of toenails: nothing on them..hair color..
l a s t | p e r s o n
you touched:hugged tiff
hugged: see above
you imed: attempted talking to shane
you yelled at: ..fuck
you kissed: don’t know
a r e | y o u
understanding: when it’s convienient
open-minded: yes
arrogant: yes
insecure:definitely more than ever
interesting: hardly
random: yes
hungry: nope
smart: depthful..
moody: yes
hard working:work wise, yes
organized: somewhat
healthy: nope
shy: no..not much
difficult: yes
attractive: maybe my hair
bored easily: i find something to do
messy: a little
responsible: sometimes
obsessed: no
angry: yes
sad: yes
happy: no
hyper: no
trusting:...yes
talkative:once in a while..
legal: how dumb
w h o | d o | y o u | w a n n a
kill: no one
slap: myself
get really wasted with: don’t want to
get high with: don’t want to
look like: i don’t know
talk to offline: michelle
talk to online: no one really
r a n d o m
in the morning i am:semi awake
all i need is: to vanish
love is: "no matter how long i stay..i will always love you" -lovesong
I dream about: death often..well recently, shadows
w h i c h | i s | b e t t e r
coke or pepsi: coffee
flowers or candy: none
tall or short: tall
o p p o s i t e | s e x
what do you notice first: hair, eyes, lips
last person you slow danced with: no one
worst question to ask: many
makes you laugh the most: dan
gives you a funny feeling when you see them: no one
who do you have a crush on:no one
who has a crush on you: not opposite sex...tiff
is easiest to talk to: my wall
d o | y o u | e v e r
sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone special to im you?: couple days ago
save conversations:some are amusing
wish you were a member of the opposite sex?: no wish you were younger: no
Cried because someone said something to you?: last night
N u m b e r
of times i have had my heart broken: Once
of hearts i have broke: a few
of guys i’ve kissed: 3
of girls i’ve kissed:
of continents i have lived in: 1
of tight friends: no one any more
of cds i own: now like 1,500
of scars on my body: wrist lines
of things that i regret: i don’t know
y o u r | t h o u g h t s
I know: that one day i’ll find a place
I want: my friends back..maybe i could change..i’d make the effort
I have: frustration
I wish:i was gone away..in the clouds
I hate: myself
I fear: shadows, losing people
I hear: fear
I search: some purpose
I wonder: if i’ll learn something good from all this
I love: clouds
I miss: my friends...
F i n a l | q u e s t i o n s
1. do you like fillings these out?: it’s amusing
2. how many people are you sending this to? whoever wants it
6. what was the last film you saw at the movies?: big fish
7. favorite cartoon/anime? family guy, stewie
8. what did you have for breakfast this morning? poppy seed muffin
10. who would you love being locked in a room with?krishna/godhead
11. could you live without your computer? i think so
12. would you color your hair? yes, probably not for a while though
13. could you ever get off the computer? yes
14. habla espanol? si
15. how many people are on your buddy list? 83
16. drink alcohol? a couple times
17. like watching sunrises or sunsets? Sunsets
18. what hurts the most? losing people, disinegration

such a good song Fragile Like a baby in your arms Be gentle with me I

lately i’ve been having a really hard time with faith. it’s really neat to hear how people love going to church and get excited...well as for me..i nearly cry while walking up to it.i get nervous..i hate going to churches...it’s so weird..but i think it comes into play with the whole..not even having faith in myself, or alot of people, or life itself..i’ve always had thing layed down in front of me..i knew what i had to do..i know what i have to do..and now i’m taking a step back instead of a punch forward..i see all the things that would turn out better and would be "right"??..i am in a questioning state of mind..i see many things, many possibilities..just it’s up to me to see how to grasp on to the ones..and have the security that would get me through this molasses stage..- me