Eh...its Tuesday and i feels like another sunday. I had Md’s for my breakfast with 2 cokes. Man...im getting pimples but yet im not doing anything about it.
I was so happy a moment ago i found the site i was looking for, for FOREVER! ahh it made my day.
Well...im being emo all over again. i Miss my best friend.i miss kyle. He IS one of my best friends and it sucks because i was such a bitch yesterday. but it just really pissed me off on how...or should i say how I THINK, he assumes im always gunna be there so he trys NOTHING to stay to talk to me.
im just being stupid again. no worries.
im still working on my book. YAY! maybe i can actually finish this damn thing.
my hands are so fucking cold, and my tummy is beginning to hurt again but i think its just because i am SO full!
My other best friend jane didnt have such a great day yesterday. I went over but i didnt seem to help. Her bf is just like kyle. They both know we will always be there for them but will they always be there for us?
Damn i feel like a question lady today...questions are flowing through my brain and they are left [unsaid].

Do you love me or not?
Do you hate me?
Do you care?
MEH!

I HATE that i cry for the most STUPIDEST reasons ever.And everything seems to end up FINE. so why the fuck do i cry? it doesnt make sense.im LAME!

I HATE that i forgive and forget...easier said, than DONE! assholes..im probably being used!

I HATE that even if i try to make things BETTER...they end up getting FUCKED!

I HATE that i always have to be the ONE to make MYSELF feel better.NO ONE ever can cheer me up fully.its just SO HARD!

I HATE that im so lonely.

I HATE that i can never count on someone.

I HATE that im a horrible student.

I HATE that i cant do anything i want to do correctly.((guitar...psh i SUCK))

I HATE that about 2398474x people are WAY better than me, i at least wanna be in the top 10.

I HATE that when people look at me....they judge me RIGHT AWAY..callin me a poser, callin me stupid, callin me stuck up. STUCK UP?.well FUCK YOU!


I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT!

I can never win in this fucking world.i will always LOSE!


grrr...

i miss my grandma...
how odd? i was such an asshole when she left to one of those places where they take care of old people.
She lived in our other house in the backyard and the day she left i was asking my dad if i could live in there....effme. Instead of telling her that i’d miss her i was begging my dad to let me live there. im such an asshole.

i miss her A LOT!

I remember EVERYDAY after school i would go over there and watch tv in her bedroom while she cut me an apple and sliced me an orange. Then she would make me something else. She would ALWAYS buy me my favorite cookies and i would watch her soup operas with her while i ate them. Then afterwards i would sleep on her couch while she read her book.

:(

i hate myself sooo much!i would talk to her about everything. and she would give me the BEST advice.I saw her like 2 weeks ago and omg..it was soo cute. me and her were the quietest ones while my aunt, my dad, my mom, and my uncle were talking.they started talking about some movie.and me and her at the SAME TIME lifted our heads up and said "i wanna see that!" no one noticed we said it tho....only me..

MAn...she would listen to Patsy Cline ALL the time! now i own that cd..and listen to it all the time...

**crazy...crazy for feeling so lonely**

If you could go anywhere, where would you go?
-off a bridge