Maybe its crazy to think that things just fall into place the way you want them to. I mean, i think that for the most part, everyone has their own idea of how they’ve always wanted things to happen or how they wanted things to turn out. It could only be so true for me. I like to belive that if i think about something long enough and make sure that my feelings about it and how it should work are secure then i have nothing to worry about. But then things happen, friendships die, relationships fail, people say things they werent supposed to say or maybe they dont just say enough, people screw up, I screw up,... it just happens.
I’m confused as to how my outlook on things should be. I’ve tried so hard to make it a certain way, yet i dont think that it suits me well enough.
I was listening to the radio today. As drea would call it, my old people’s station (KOST). This girl was talking something about her first love, and what she said about it really moved me. She said it was "the right love at the wrong time". I thought that was really interesting, how at a certain moment we can say that something is so wrong for us just because its at that very time when we’re examining it. It’s like, well.. maybe at that certain time, you werent ready to handle something like that, or maybe you needed that to realize something for later. Maybe just maybe the things that happen to us that are so wrong ( like screwing up, losing friends, losing relationships) for us at that very moment, are just what we needed for another perfect moment in the future. I think that i like putting things into time slots throughout my life, making it so that i feel that i have some control over it. I think i need to stop worrying about planning out things that work so that they’ll work in the future.Its too hard.