But such perfection comes in your words.
And such importance remains in your existance.

But isn’t it so ironically imperfect that I’d wise up to your games?
Isn’t it just so wonderful you’d wind up out of place?
And isn’t it so enjoyale to see you slip from your beauty and your grace?

Did you know I’m burning your throne?
Did you even realize your precious crown is missing?
Your pets don’t want you to lead them anymore.

But did you ever think that I could have your crown?
And did you ever notice the I am sitting on a new throne?
And did you ever notice that you lost it all and I gained it?
Your death just meant it was time for me to take over.

The ringing in my ears won’t stop.
hes screams won’t leave my throat.
Wanting just to catch my tongue.
This pain just won’t go away..

But I didn’t want you knowing me.
Because you would destroy me.
Because you knew you’d only kill me and my conscience.

But I picked up the pieces of my broken heart,shattered.
And I dug deeper
The thoughts just took me,you know I’ll never be the same.

The invisible woman walked her only path as she slipped away from the only man she’d ever love.
She let that black heart of hers take her and leave her with as little feel as possible.
The words and her last touch before she went numb were stored away in her mind.
But how she craved his touch,and how she craved his feel.
Her twisted ways stayed the same as she fell behind.

Never Fading the memories were washed away like oceans waves wash away shells.
The simple actions made by humans yet studied so deeply.
The blood stained tears rolling along the edges of burned pages.
The innocent face of a child and the mistake choices.
The bleached out black eyes that waited impatientlly to find a matching pair.
The little set of lips that lingered for the perfect touch.
The wrinkled book shreded into pieces and taken into the nights wind.
The words silently spoken yet not hearable.
The invisibility of a lost soul stuck on deciding which way to take out of the few roads.
The difficulty of imagination and reality and deciding what to be the difference.
The life wrote out for a plan but then following another.
The handgun with a single bullet left in it for one purpose and if the purpose should be taken out.
The shock and fear of a face once forgotten and it appearing once again.
The white padded walls you know you’d be so lucky as it be placed in.
The insanity of life.

..Writen Yesterday..

Alright well now I feel bad,responsible for some things in a way.I always seem to make Danielle late to get home afterschool.One reason is Gracey,thoguh we ditch her instead now.She fucking pisses me off and I’m thinking of telling her off if she annoys me anymore.Anyways..Danielle’s parents don’t trust her enoguh and treat her as if she were 5.She’s not anywhere near fucking 5,but rather 15,And though it did take convincing and a huge arguement,I do whatever I want and go whherever I want to.

My mom doesn’t care as long as she knows where I am,which she never seems to.I stopped bothering.Danielle’s aprents called her houser repeatidly and she chose to ignore them when she had checked them once we got back from Mona Lisa.It seems she’s only late with me,because I walk with her around,despite the distance,fuck it.

So now once we went into her room and her parents got home we hear her mom start bitching about how the house is never clan,and she picks a fight with her husband,as always.And because of this Danielle thinks her parents might soon get a divorce.I only feel responsible for this fight though..

So she got upset and couldn’t hold her tears back as I sat there completely lost and finally snaped out of it and comforted her.We both talked a little while about our problems to each other.I never realized she’s kept so much from me and I guess I dobuted her on that.We both decided,fuck off,were getting our own apartment. It’ll be hard laying down 800 a month,depending on where we live,Or 900..if we still live in Dyker Heights.We’d be exactlly like

Chris on his two hours sleep thing.I’ve been used to those hours anyway,I live off coffee.Heyyyyy..Maybe even get him to move in with us..Shit..he’d be like a huge score.19 years old,eh?
Less to pay and plus he needs a place to stay as well since he was kicked out and asked Danielle to stay with her for a bit.WHOO HOO!.SCORE!!Plus..he can drive.Yay for me and Danielle.So Danielle hates her parents just as much as mine.
And since I’m with her now,I asked her and she’s considering it and she’ll stay up till 2 to talk to Chris.

Were both pretty tired,pissed,and depressed.So she’s much like me..-.-And she seeks death too..she’s...just not suicidal.She wishes to die in her sleep and never to wake again.The less painful way.It seems best friends can draw apart,but they can also grow closer.
Tina~.

XxXxXxXxX
Love you Danielle.
Best friends till the end.

Yep...I got this quiz from by_the_throat’s melo.
Have you ever...
{x} Fallen for your best friend? Yes
{x} Made out with JUST a friend? Hm..Yes..BUT..only once.
{x} Been rejected? Yes..
{x} Been in love? Once or twice
{x} Been in lust? Yes
{x} Used someone? Hm..that is my specialty..But...in many other ways besides love..or anything like that at least.
{x} Been used? Yes
{x} Cheated on someone? No
{x} Been cheated on? Yes
{x} Done something you regret? Many..many..things.

Who was the last person...
{x} You touched? Chris when I visited sometime late last night when he ahd just got home and gave him a kiss on the cheek and a hug.
{x} You talked to? Danielle.
{x} You hugged? Chris
{x} You instant messaged? Nikki
{x} You kissed? Fuck it..I haven’t kissed anyone in a while..waiting for someone.
{x} You yelled at? That bitch at my school named Cathy
{x} You laughed with? Anna while I got drunk with her on Sunday night and jumped ontop of my moms car and threw some shit at cars.

Have you/are you/do you....
{x} Considered a life of crime? ..No exactlly.
{x} Considered being a hooker? Fuck no.
{x} Considered being a pimp? ..No..
{x} Are you psycho? Yep I was born one.Please stick me in a padded cell.
{x} Split personalities? ..Not sure.
{x} Schizophrenic? Doubt it.
{x} Obsessive? Sort of..
{x} Obsessive compulsive? Same follows..
{x} Panic? Yes
{x} Anxiety? Yes
{x} Depressed? Nearly all the time,it would be rare to find me happy.
{x} Suicidal? Yes
{x} Obsessed with hate? Pretty much,I hate people and don’t give a fuck about much so..there’s your answer.
{x} Dream of mutilated bodies, blood, death, and gore? Yep.
{x} Dream of doing those things instead of just seeing them? Yes
{x} Understanding: Me..Being understandable?My own mother can’t understand me.
{x} Open-minded: Yes
{x} Insecure: Yes..
{x} Interesting: Find uot for yourself.
{x} Hungry: I barely eat..it never bothered me.
{x} Friendly: We’ll see..
{x} Smart: Fair.
{x} Moody: Yep..yep..
{x} Childish: At times..
{x} Independent: Yes
{x} Hard working: Yes
{x} Organized: Hm..yes but no.
{x} Healthy: Eh..yes and no again.
{x} Emotionally Stable: Not really..
{x} Shy: No
{x} Difficult: Yes
{x} Attractive: I don’t find myself attractive..
{x} Bored Easily: Hell yeah..I msut say it every 2 minutes.
{x} Thirsty: No
{x} Responsible: Yes and no..
{x} Sad: Yes
{x} Happy: You will find no happiness left in my black heart.
{x} Trusting: Yes..in ways..
{x} Talkative: Depending on who you are.
{x} Original: One of a kind.
{x} Different: Yes
{x} Unique: Yep..that’s me.
{x} Lonely: Much to lonely..waiting for someone.
{x} Color your hair? Yes..Often..and at the moment I want to dye it black.
{x} Have tattoos? Hm..Well at least I’m getting one.
{x} Piercings? Yes.
{x} Have a girlfriend? No
{x} Floss daily? Nope
{x} Own a webcam? I fucking wish..
{x} Ever get off the damn computer? Yes..I am off it often..jsut..I leave it on.

Currents
{x} Current Clothes: My usual..I had no choice but to pull myself out of bed from being sick.My black knee high boots, black fishnets,one of my black skirts,and my A Perfect Circle shirt.And of course..all the spikes and chokers and shit like that..
{x} Current Mood: ..Mixed..
{x} Current Taste: Tears.
{x} Current Hair: Brown with blonde streaks..that were originally red..Fuck manic panic hair dye.
{x} Current Annoyance: Everything and everyone.
{x} Current Smell: I am sick..I can not smell.
{x} Current thing you ought to be doing: Sleeping and getting better..but I’m not.
{x} Current Desktop Picture: A little girl with black eyes holding a skeleton doll and a few trees behind her as if the place were destroyed and it’s done in a pale brown and tan shade.
{x} Current Favorite Group: A Perfect Circle...And no..I’m not obsessed.
{x} Current Book: Eh..I got bored..Midnight Predator by Amelia Atwater-Rhodes..they have no good vampire type of books..
{x} Current DVD In Player: Texas Chainsaw Massacer
{x} Current Refreshment: Nothing.
{x} Current Worry: ..Raven..
{x} Current Crush: Raven
{x} Current Favorite Celebrity: Fuck celebirt’s.They all think they are special because of what they do for a job while in the real world,they are just like anyone else who walks on the streets.

Favorite...
{x} Food: Not sure..Possiblly chocolate.
{x} Drink: Raberry Snapple.
{x} Color: Black and blood red.
{x} Shoes: My black allstar converses
{x} Candy: M &M’s
{x} TV Show: Angel
{x} Movie: Not sure.
{x} Dance: ..No dancing.
{x} Vegetable: ..Corn..O_o
{x} Fruit: A plum.

On Dating....
{x} Long or short hair? I seem to like long hair on guys..But looks arn’t that important.
{x} Dark or blond hair? I seem to like dark.
{x} Tall or short? Doesn’t matter..just let them be around my height and up
{x} Mr. Sensitive or Mr. Funny? Again doesn’t matter.
{x} Good boy or bad boy? I’m more so on the bad boy side..but then again,beneath that you’ll know there’s good in em..
{x} Dark or light eyes? Dark
{x} Hat or no hat? No hat..
{x} Pierced or no? Piercings rule..
{x} Freckles or none? None..
{x} Stubble or neatly shaved? Eh..depends.
{x} Rugged outdoorsy type or sporty type? ..Not sure.

On preferences....
{x} Chocolate milk or hot chocolate? Hot chocolate.
{x} McDonalds or Burger King? McD’s.
{x} Marry the perfect lover or the perfect friend? Perfect one for me.Either wouldn’t matter.
{x} Sweet or sour? Sweet and sour.
{x} Root Beer or Dr. Pepper? Both suck.
{x} Sappy/action/comedy/horror? Horror.
{x} Cats or dogs? Cats.
{x} Ocean or Pool? Ocean.
{x} Cool Ranch or Nacho Cheese? Nacho Cheese
{x} Mud or Jell-O wrestling? Mud..-.-
{x} With or without ice-cubes? With
{x} Shine or rain? Rain..I would love to stand in the rain all day as I always do..Sun is blinding and darkness would be better.
{x} Winter/Summer/Fall/Spring? Fall.
{x} Vanilla or Chocolate? Chocolate.
{x} Gloves or mittens? Either
{x} Eyes open or closed? Closed.
{x} Fly or breathe under water? Fly.
{x} Bunk-bed or waterbed? Bunk bed.
{x} Chewing gum or hard candy? Gum..Dentyne.
{x} Motor boat or sailboat? Motor.
{x} Lights on or off? Off
{x} Chicken or fish? Chicken.

What’s your favorite:.
{x} Number? 6
{x} Holiday? ..No holiday matters to me.Well..I do like Christmas only for vacation.
{x} Radio station? I don’t listen to the radio.
{x} Place? My fireescape,the bridge,Top of my old building...great view.
{x} Flower? A single black rose.
{x} Scent?
{x} If you could be anywhere, where would you be? away from everything in a warm place
{x} What would you be doing? relaxing
{x} What are you listening to? the promise ring
{x} Can you do anything freakish with your body? nope
{x} Do you have a favourite animal, no matter how lame it may be? dogs

I drowned in the pain and in the sorrow for this deseptive eternity of sadness.
I could do nothing but sit and stare at the nothingness before me.
Suicidal visions were all I had left as I pictured what it’s like to face death.
I thought only of you on that cold and lonely mistaken night..
I drowned in a pool full of blood that slashing can bring to your wrists.
I fell to the floor only thinking of you.
Only thinking of my loss and ignoring every1 elses.
This scattered image just continues to fade into the little light of happiness.
It passed and I smiled so happily when I finally stood.
I saw you standing at the door.
Your face for once full of life and kindness.
I reached up to you and you took me in your arms and said it’s alright now.
Is this the only vision of death I’ll ever remember?
Is this the peaceful ending of life as it’s claimed?
It’s only the pleasent memories that surrounded my mind as I drowned in this blood and it ended.