Im so not happy with having a vagina right now. Im having mongo horrible cramps and In got a therma care wrapped around my wait that makes me look like im wearing diapers. lol. But it makes me feel better. Seems to be the only thing helping. I had really bad vertigo last night, complete with the hurling and crying and shaking. So today I spent rolling around of the couch and listening to loud led zeppelin. I think the most Ive done today is unload the dishwasher and roll a joint. Thats about it. Pretty crappy day tho, the nichole calls and asks me if Ive put in the application for specs yet and I said, no, I feel like Im about to die. She was all like wellyouhavetodoitbeforealltheotherpeopletryandgetjobs. Or I won't have a job. My family is obsessed with me getting a job. I guess they think it'll stop my partying. But hmmmm. I dunno.

Im so scared. Tomorrow is my graduation. My aunt hasn't called to confirm that shes going or not. and I feel really nervous. I left a message on my cousin's cell and never got an answer. I have to get these tickets to them and give them directions, so this is getting pretty messy. Mom hasn't called. noone has, no cards or nothing. I guess they really do hate me. There wasn't even a discussion if they were gonna come down or not when I told them when it was. Its a once in a lifetime thing. Then my sister is bitching about how she has to skive off work so she can go. That got me all fired up, I was like if you don't wanna come fine, even tho I went to yours, even tho I am your only little sister, and even tho noone else will be there to support me, so shut the fuck up and I walked out. After that we had an unspoken agreement to not talk about it. Im kinda glad, Im mean I only snapped at her because Im so stressed Im about to wrench all of the hair out of my head. It almost like this has become everybody elses thing but mine and its my graduation. My [step]sister took charge of where we're going for dinner that night and that ticks me off, because I wanted to go to jack bakers, but thats in vero, so its a drive, then we were like, bimini breeze, but that didn't work out either, so she chose something totally differnt, and it's one of the resturants that I don't like. Nobody asked my opinion. Nothing. Im just like whatever, lets just get it over with. Im really starting to get angry. Not angry just really frustrated I guess, with this whole thing, my family not coming, noone caring, it's like, I don't matter now, Im just one of three girls and two boys and I matter the least because Im the problem child. The standards are different with me.


Anyways, yeh that just a little peak into the crazyness that is currently my life. Lalala. You should have seen the look on my fathers face when I was talking about my piercings. lol, It was so effin funny.