that last post was not enough... and im not really that tired except i should because i have an introduction to auto cad lab tomorrow at 8 am and i'm not ready at all. well i dont know if i really need to be prepared. all i mean is i havent looked up the robert c. wiley house by philip johnson but i dont even know if we're supposed to be starting it in lab. bla bla bla... i havent wrote on here in awhile. this summer was filled with so much. i realized how much i really love home, especially after i've been somone completely different for the past 2 years. or not someone different but completely wrapped in something that i don't know where i'm keeping it... i spent my summer working a lot.... i had to get money for rent... i spent it with some friends. i had to figure things out from january to july. from january until the end of school i knew my heart was broken and at the same time.... growing... it was all a question of what the summer would bring. unfortunately, all of may and june was spent in buffalo taking physics... that didn't help walking around north campus and constantly wondering what i was going to do... it's hard to think about someone and then be somewhere that is irrelevant to that person... that made no sense.. but once i got home in july. it went away and i didn't care. i was living every moment to the fullest. i spent time with ricky, my brother, who i love and don't know what i would do without. we talked, we laughed, and spent time together doing the crazy shit we always did. id really like him to visit me in buffalo. i think it would do him some good to get away from the house. i spent time with my family... who for once i was talking to instead of crying to on the phone about every unfair thing. i was in my house with cooked meals and laughs. and then there were the nights... the most amazing nights that most people couldnt even dream to have at some point in their life... those nights that in a matter of minutes turned into going to bed at 7 am. no matter what those nights will always be with me... and mornings. kevin was perfect. we spent every day together and i know that was selfish. but i thought about it and realized we've had some sort of relationship for years without seeing each other. i mean it's different now since there is actually a label. and now that is a label i'm thinking we won't go another year....year and half without talking. but the point was we've had something floating for years and barely saw each other. i mean i didn't start thinking about trying an actual relationship until the night before he left to study abroad.. and then i barely talked and saw him on web cam twice until.... july. and then we had 2 months.... we mostly spent time sitting around... watching the office... lol movies.... eating.... movies...drive in... being happy... i even had dinner at his house which was the scariest thing... but... it was something that needed to be done to show that i have changed. my parents started to accept the relationship which is good... but anyway i had to eventually come to buffalo. the start of school has already been interesting. i turned 20.... my birthday was amazing with friends, Red Zeppelin wine, and cake....ice cream cake. lol studio thus far is good. we're doing patterns and im working with nature as a pattern...a leaf...it's kinda stupid but whatever.... i really like it. apx is already a mess and chris is.... kinda disgusting... and i dont it's weird to admit but i dont feel nearly as much as i did... i didnt think it would ever happen but it did... on the upside we had a long weekend this past one and even better i got to spend it with kevin. we talked a lot about him coming up and i honestly didnt think it would happen. i asked everyday his percent of coming... it was high but i still didnt believe him until he was here. it had been a week since i saw him but.... it felt like forever... he spent a few hours with me in studio. seeing what my work is, meeting the people i work hours and hours with. they were nice to him.. which was good.... walked around the studios, pointed out buildings.... pointed out things up and down the N-Falls Blvd. slept and was soooo happy to wake up and see him there with his arm above his head and his other arm probably in pain from being under me all night... unfortunately i had studio friday which was 1:30-4:30 pm. .. and i couldnt believe that when i got back to the house i would see him there. we got cleaned up and went to dinner at the hotel and casino my family goes with. we ate with adam and katie.... laughed like crazy... had a great dinner... looked at over-priced purses. lol then we went to the falls.... margo met us up there. it was nice... kevy had never been to the falls soooo he was happy about it. of course, it was hard to see since it was at night.. but there were the fireworks and it was amazing... it was magical... and im glad i was there with him.... we had a couple drinks and went to bed early.. sunday we slept in late which wasnt good since he wanted to leave early... but i think he knew more than i did he wouldnt leave early. we had lunch at wegmans, the best grocery store on earth.... went to the carwash.... and then he left... and it hurt... because i mean i loved him visiting.. but when i left for school and said by i was ready... and then i got teasted and he was here with me a couple days and then it just.... was sad.... it felt empty suddenly.... but i gotta move on and i have to keep this going.... because i never thought the two of us would be here ever... so at the longest we have until thanksgiving.... it's later and my clay leaf needs finished...more later


<3
Madeleine