Saw my solicitor today - found out theyre listing current cases for June next year - and that because my legal aid certificate won't be passed until after christmas, my case isn't likely to be listed until fucking October. NEXT FUCKING YEAR.

The fact that my daughter has completely stopped growing and is visibly depressed because of the house-shuffling, lack of stability and security, is obviously not very important. The fact that every time we have to stay in Staplehurst she catches infections because of the shitty state of the place, the fact that she is obviously very unwell because of all this shit - is not important. It "doesn't tick the boxes for the case to be considered urgent." Why? Because at least we have somewhere to stay.

And what if she ends up in hospital? Will it be urgent then? What if I go psycho because I can't take the stress anymore, will it be urgent then? I tell you what, lets be extreme - what if she dies? Will it be urgent then? No, because its one less person for them to care about, isn't it? They get their money, and money is all they care about. Providing for their own families, without giving a shit about anybody elses.

And as per usual, theres nothing I can do about it. I can't get a job, 1- because there are very few jobs going, 2- I can't do flexible hours, I live in two different places and the only place I can really work is Maidstone Town Centre cos thats the only place I can reach by train, 3- apparantely you have to have previous experience to be a fucking cleaner. So I can't get a job, not even a part time one - which means I can't get any money to save, which means I can't learn to drive - which ultimately means when things do get sorted out, i'm going to be completely cut off from my friends and family. I will have nobody. And i'll have to rely on a once an hour bus to go everywhere.

Maidstone council can't help me because I don't usually live in Maidstone, and the family i'm staying with isn't "direct" enough for them. No matter that its Kiras direct family - despite the fact that shes as much an applicant as I am, her relatives don't count. Medway council can't help me because I still have legal rights pertaining to the place i'm fighting to get back - unfortunately, they seem to think living in a 4ft by 12ft room with a violent ex-partner is absolutely fine for mother and daughter, and thats the only option theyre giving me. But if I waive those rights by taking my name off the tenancy, Medway council STILL won't help me because by their definitions i've made myself intentionally homeless. And they won't even help my daughter. They would actually leave a mother and baby on the streets under those circumstances. Then i'll be fucked. Totally.

So what am I supposed to do with my life? Can't work, can't drive, haven't got anywhere permanent to live, daughters health going down the pan, my health going down the pan, and absolutely none of it matters to anybody else.

All that matters is their fucking christmas bonuses.

And if there is a god, i'm fucking praying I come on this week, else i'm never having a one night stand again.