Ok, well I have obviously not been on my site for a trillion years, but there’s nothing I can do about it. I guess that life is ok, eventhough the truth is that it sucks major rectum. I don;t really understand. Why do I concern myself with so many things, and why do I let them bother me? There’s really no need for it, but nonethless. Boys are stupid jerks, and I am mad!!!!!!!!!! Today scuks butt. Ok, well enough of my stupidity, I should go and do something productive, since I’m only becoming more upset as the seconds pass.

You know what? I am constantly pissing people off.. I mean I actually just realized that I piss everyone off... Even people that I don’t want to piss off....Its annoying, it sucks and I hate doing it.. I don’t mean to.. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me!!!!!!!!!




MY HEAD HURTS NOW....
LET ME BANG IT AGAINST THE WALL
MAYBE THEN I CAN REALIZE
WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE YOU


YOU HAVE TO PUT UP WITH MY STUPIDITY
YOU HAVE TO SIT AND HEAR ME WHINE
BUT THE MOST AMAZING THING,
IS THAT YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO THIS

YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE AS KIND AS YOU ARE
YOU DON’T HAVE TO WAIT FOR ME
NOR DO YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH ANY OF THIS
BUT YOU DO

I’LL BANG MY HEAD AGAINST THE CAR
I’LL SIT AND STARE AT THE T.V. UNTIL MY EYES BLEED
I’LL INFLICT THE MOST TORTOUREOUS PAIN UPON MY FLESH
AND I’LL THROW ACID UPON THE WOUND

I’LL DO WHATEVER IT IS THAT YOU ASK OF ME
YOU ARE MY FRIEND
I MEAN NOT TO HURT YOU
I MEAN NOT TO MAKE YOU CRY

BUT NEVERTHELESS, WITH MY STUPIDITY,
I CONTINUED TO DO THE SAME THING
I CONTINUE TO DO IT NOW
I WANT TO KILL MYSELF

I AM DESTINED TO RUIN ALL THAT I TOUCH.
I AM DESTINED TO WALK RETARDED FOR ALL ETERNITY
DESTINY CAN BE BROKEN
I SHALL TRY TO DO MY BEST

IT’S NOT GOOD ENOUGH I FEAR
FOR I WILL ONLY DEFILE IT,
LIKE I HAVE DONE SO MANY TIMES BEFORE
I WILL RUIN ALL THAT I TOUCH

FOR THAT IS MY CURSE
THAT IS THE PLAGUE OF MY EXISTENCE
ACCEPT MY APOLOGY,
I PREY YOU WILL

I AM SORRY FOR ALL THE PAIN I CAUSED YOU
AND I AM SORRY FOR THE TRAUMA
THE DRAMA THAT I CREATED,
AND THE PAINFUL MEMORIES

I HAVE FAILED SO MANY TIMES
WHILE TRYING TO DO RIGHT
I HAVE DAMAGED ALL THAT I ONCE HELD DEAR
I NO LONGER HOLD IT TIGHT

PLEASE FORGIVE ME MY DEAR FRIEND
I’M SORRY I HURT YOU SO
BUT YOU MEAN MORE TO ME
MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW

Me and Leila were just sitting here at about 9:30 pm.. doing nothing when someone I.M.’s us.. Thinking it was someone else..... We screwed with his mind.. It was rather hilarious!!! Here’s the convo.


PaLiPrInCe777: so were youfrom
Smarterthanyou72: A;ifornia
Smarterthanyou72: *california
PaLiPrInCe777: my cuzin lives in diamond bar
Smarterthanyou72: really???
PaLiPrInCe777: ya
Smarterthanyou72: what’s your cousin’s name?
PaLiPrInCe777: wallah
Smarterthanyou72: maybe I know them
PaLiPrInCe777: like 3 of my cuzins live there
PaLiPrInCe777: mahmoud
PaLiPrInCe777: kamil and firas
Smarterthanyou72: ...
Smarterthanyou72: last name?
PaLiPrInCe777: sharmoug
PaLiPrInCe777: and muhialdeen
Smarterthanyou72: you are such a retard, I know its you muhammad
PaLiPrInCe777: wuhyat allah
PaLiPrInCe777: this is salameh
PaLiPrInCe777: whos muhammad
Smarterthanyou72: YOU
Smarterthanyou72: DUH
Smarterthanyou72: lot, we know the TRUTH
PaLiPrInCe777: listen i sware this is salameh
PaLiPrInCe777: whos we
Smarterthanyou72: me and my imaginary friend
PaLiPrInCe777: thats good
PaLiPrInCe777: whats your imaginary friends name
Smarterthanyou72: so...you just i me out of NO WHERE and assume that i palestinian, and that I know what all these little terms your saying are?
PaLiPrInCe777: what?
Smarterthanyou72: YOUR FACE
PaLiPrInCe777: i typed up arabic girls in member directory and your name came up
Smarterthanyou72: urd urrrrrrrrr
Smarterthanyou72: ok, then why didn’t you know I was a girl?
Smarterthanyou72: you said
Smarterthanyou72: a/s/l?

Smarterthanyou72: age , SEX, location
PaLiPrInCe777: i always type a/s/l
Smarterthanyou72: oh ya
Smarterthanyou72: I got youi
PaLiPrInCe777: cuz a/l looks gay
PaLiPrInCe777: so i always do it
PaLiPrInCe777: so are you palestinian?
Smarterthanyou72: maybe, maybe not
PaLiPrInCe777: debwaniyah?
Smarterthanyou72: how do know you don’t work for the FBI?
Smarterthanyou72: huh?
Smarterthanyou72: how?
Smarterthanyou72: HOW
PaLiPrInCe777: your crazy lol
Smarterthanyou72: to,, really?
Smarterthanyou72: REALLY?
Smarterthanyou72: am I?
Smarterthanyou72: huh?
PaLiPrInCe777: no wonder my cuz told me not to talk to yo

u
Smarterthanyou72: who your cousin
Smarterthanyou72: ?
Smarterthanyou72: muhammad, so he set you up to this huh?
Smarterthanyou72: I KNEW IT ALL ALONG
Smarterthanyou72: and you can go tell him that
Smarterthanyou72: that boy bugs me
Smarterthanyou72: but anyway........ How was YOUR day?
PaLiPrInCe777: whos muhammad?
Smarterthanyou72: HOW WAS YOUR DAY>?
Smarterthanyou72: I asked first
PaLiPrInCe777: my days been good yours
Smarterthanyou72: now your asking another question, which do you want me to answer?
Smarterthanyou72: or .......are you not sure?
PaLiPrInCe777: both
Smarterthanyou72: doesn’t work that way babe
Smarterthanyou72: one at a time
Smarterthanyou72: you ask me one, I ask you one
Smarterthanyou72: deal?
PaLiPrInCe777: k go
Smarterthanyou72: its your trun
PaLiPrInCe777: k whats your name?
Smarterthanyou72: well, there’s two of us here. Amneh and Leila
Smarterthanyou72: k, my turn
PaLiPrInCe777: k nice to meet you guys
PaLiPrInCe777: k
Smarterthanyou72: what kind of socks do you like to wear?
PaLiPrInCe777: low cut
Smarterthanyou72: more specific
Smarterthanyou72: I need details
PaLiPrInCe777: ankle socks
PaLiPrInCe777: aight are you palestinian?
Smarterthanyou72: .........color? Style? Brand?
Smarterthanyou72: etc.
PaLiPrInCe777: white polo ankle socks
Smarterthanyou72: ok
Smarterthanyou72: yes, we are
PaLiPrInCe777: koo
PaLiPrInCe777: go
Smarterthanyou72: what do you think about tupac?
PaLiPrInCe777: hes the best there will ever be and he got killed cuz he was a genious i always were champion clothing cuz me and pac will always be a champion no matter what
Smarterthanyou72: I see, I see
Smarterthanyou72: your turn
PaLiPrInCe777: aight what balad?
PaLiPrInCe777: in palestine?
Smarterthanyou72: al-zeeb
Smarterthanyou72: akkah
PaLiPrInCe777: SURE
Smarterthanyou72: that’s it
Smarterthanyou72: seriously
PaLiPrInCe777: K
Smarterthanyou72: ok, what college would you like to attend?
Smarterthanyou72: or university?
PaLiPrInCe777: fresno state
PaLiPrInCe777: iam gonna play ball there
Smarterthanyou72: oh, you play basketball?

Smarterthanyou72: interesting...........
PaLiPrInCe777: football
Smarterthanyou72: sure, ok, up-huh, alright
Smarterthanyou72: uh-huh
Smarterthanyou72: your turn
Smarterthanyou72: gooooo
PaLiPrInCe777: you know any debwanies
Smarterthanyou72: nope, not that I know of
Smarterthanyou72: ok, what do you think about Nelly
Smarterthanyou72: ?
Smarterthanyou72: the rapper
PaLiPrInCe777: he has aids
PaLiPrInCe777: brb iam gonna send you my pic
Smarterthanyou72: ok
PaLiPrInCe777: sent
Smarterthanyou72: cool
Smarterthanyou72: I see, I see
Smarterthanyou72: you ARE muhammad
Smarterthanyou72: I knew it
Smarterthanyou72: I knew it
Smarterthanyou72: I knew it
PaLiPrInCe777: whos muhammad
Smarterthanyou72: we do you insist on ming me?
PaLiPrInCe777: fuck your crazy bye
Smarterthanyou72: I have a RESTRAIONING order on you
Smarterthanyou72: get awayyyyyyyyy

I hate you all
May God damn you forever
Burn in the depths of hell
Screw yourselves continuously

I hope that you rot and turn in your graves
May the pleasures of life, be stolen from you
May the pain of all the universe be inflicted upon you
I hope that you continue the pathetic excuse of a life in the most painful of ways

I only wish that you knew the best feeling in the world,
So that it could be stolen from you in the most painful way
If only there were enough words to express my hate for you
May you get fucked continuously... that’s what you deserve

I hope that your eyes bleed incessently
I pray to God that you die now you fucking bastard
Damn you for eternity
Burn in hell

Well there’s not really any significant purpose for the writing of this... I guess it is just the fact that I am bored, and confused. Everything this past summer has confused me entirely. I am shocked and annoyed, out of it and in everything. I guess that I am plain and simply overwhelmed. It’s amazing to me that so many different feelings can be present within one person. The time is running out, and soon school will be starting again. It’s all going by so fast, it’s like ther’e’s no time to do anything anymore! It is funny, however, because it’s not the realization of all of this that is driving me completely insane, however, it is the realization that I HAVE SO MUCH TO DO! I have to search for colleges, study, prepare for debate (varsity is going to be hard) , studyfor my AP exams..... (yes, I need to study that much... i know, it’s not until the end of the year, but it doesn’t matter) I need to do all of this, and more stuff that I can’t even remember at this time... and I really only have a limited amount of time!!!!!! I am going insane! Insanity is cloaking me, I am being blinded by it all... it’s so massive, so incredibly hard to withstand!!!! Oh, yeah... I also have to worry about journalism..... that’s gonna be interesting.

I don’t know what I am going to do. I don’t know how I am going to accomplish any of it, because time goes by so fast. There is also the problem of the male species... they are a pain in the butt as well.. There’s one imparticular... some of you know him, most of you don’t. I don’t know what he is thinking.. i never do.. I think I am close sometimes, but then something changes... some unkjnown force changes and misconstrues everything for me. I am lost.... I guess that’s the way it was meant to be. I can’t ever realize the fact that both of us are too much alike, I think that I need to step out of my own shallow world, and look at myself, then maybe I will be able to realize the masterplan that this guy is creating. The psychotic state of mind that he is in.... and then maybe I will be able to tell myself whether or not this is important, whether or not I should care about it, and whether or not I should waste my time thnking about the mistakes I made, the things I should stay, and the actions that he commits. I should maybe stop considering the fact that things are not working, and leave it alone; let fate decide where to go, and let it place me somewhere in this randomness... until later,


Love Always,
Amneh Ataya

Wooo hoooo I finally have colors!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so happy!!!! wooo hoooooooo

Ahh yes, I am finally able to go onto melo... for the past couple of days, i have been trying in vain to go onto melo. Well now I have finallydone it!!!! wooo hooo!

Yes, well last night I watched SLC (Salt Lake City) PUNK! for the first time. Courtney let me borrow it.... well anyways, as I was watching it, I remembered something that she said... If anyone watched that movie, they could so easily be punk, or pose as a punker... and I found that to be ever so true. The movie was good, confusing at times, but nevertheles, it was good. I thought that the words of Brandy, one of the not so important characters rang true, I cannot quote her word for word, but it went something like this,

"If you are trying to rebel, and to be an individual, then why do you have to stereotype yourself by going out and buying blue hair dye and tattered clothes? If you truly wanted to rebel, you would do it by just being yourself, and not by conforming to what others expect of you"

Now, the quotation marks don’t really hold any significance, but they seperate the imortant stuff from the rest of my commentary. Yes, so through that movie, I realized that rebellion by dressing the way you think others percieve punk as, just makes you a conformist, and your main purpose is actually defeated.

Am I right??? I think I am, and that’s all that really matters to me...

I am expected to listen to you
I should quietly stand by
You can go on freely
While I sit and cry

You can abuse me
You can yell at me and scream
You can do whatever you want to do
You can say whatever you wnat to

But dare I make a move,
Dare I make a sound,
Dare I look at you
Instead of staring at the ground

I have no right to be angry
I have no right to scream
I have no right to make a move
I have no right to speak

Is that your idea of equality
Is that friendship to you?
Is that the way YOU want it to be?
IS THAT YOUR IDEA OF PERFECT?

Well you can take your ideas
Take all that you have to give
You can wad them up, and
You know what to do with them.

Mayeb if I kill you
Maybe if I die
Maybe then will I be able
To sit alone and cry

When I am done with you
When I don;t have to care
When I will be at ease
When I can do what I want

Fuck you and your shit
Damn your reality
Go damn yourself to hell,
May god destoy your soul

Don’t you dare make excuses
Don’t blame your shit on me
Don’t tell me that your alright
When you’re really just all wrong

You’re not ok,
Youre not alright
This is not just some small fight
This isn’t your time

Damn all those who care for you
Damn all those near
Damn everyone in this god-forsaken ground
Damn my misery

Myself may be included
I am nothing but a bitch
A stupid whore,
A filthy slut, a prostitute or worse

I am all that you hate,
Because I am you
I am everything that you don’t see
I am everything that you complain about

Open your fucking eyes,
Stop yelling at me
Look in the mirror,
Hope it doesn’t break

This stupidity and this pain
Is all because of you
You caused this by your self
I am only your scapegoat..

Yes, well last Friday (the 14th) I took my first trip to the glass house. It looked really small from the outside, and as a matter of fact, it looked nothing like I had imagined it to look like. To be truthfully honest, we drove up and down second street 6 times looking for monkeys, and the glass house, since no one in the car knew what it looked like. We finally found it, and we found Monkeys to go as well. So, anyways, Me, Courtney and My dad walk into Monkeys to go, to buy our tickets, and luckily we had success, my heart was palpitating at extreme rates as I envisioned the splendor that awaited me. I was nervous and excited, scared and hopeful all at the same time. Well, we went back to my house, and we chilled (hardly). Actually, we (Courtney and I) helped my sister and her friend get ready for their 8th grade graduation dance. Then, as the clock started approaching 6:30, we got frantic and made a mad-dash for the bathrooms. We quickly changed out of our clothes, and into something more comfortable, and as far as I was concerned, something a little looser than what I was wearing. Yes, and then we did our hair... I ended up putting so much gel and pomade in my hair that I could hardly move it without a cascade of flaky white rubbish landing all over my person. Despite that trauma, I was anxious. The clock was now reading 6:50. The show was going to start in 10 minutes.... and my dad was sitting at the computer playing a game! I as so worried, and I started to freak out. He then announced that he was going to take a shower.......Now, we all know our fathers like to spend three hours in the shower for no apparent reason. He went into take a shower, at 7:00! We were nervous wrecks! MY cousion Leila came home from an orchestra party that she had been at, and we asked her if she wanted to come. Of course, she did, so I called MOnkeys and asked if they had any more tickets.. they did, so I was atleast somewhat relieved. My dad gets out of the shower at 7:25 (yes, I was making note of the time). We get into the van, and embark on our journey.

Yeah, the all too familiar sounds of parents screeching those words at ylou whilst you are listening to the music of your choice. I don’t think that parents actually care whether or not we go deaf, I think that they just get frustrated and decide,"ooh, I’ll yell at my children, and make their lives miserable as well!" Yes.. well that’s all for that

Give me Karma............ wooo hooooooo

Ok.. well yes.. have a nice day

Yeah, well I guess that it speaks for itself. It’s odd how you never see the things that you do, but you can see the things that everyone else does so clearly. I have come to grips with this reality, and I am trying to better myself. But I find it interesting how somepeople won’t listen to you, no matter how right you are. There are some people in this world that are very accurate in their judgements of people. And when that person (for example’s sake.. person A) tries to help out another person (person B, Person B ends up hating person A... or they just plain and simply don’t listen to person A.

Ok.. well screw this.... here’s the story: I tried to prevent this very dear person to me, from getting hurt. I tried to preventthem from getting in way over their head. I gave them advice, and every single one of our friends was able to see what I was saying. Everyone except the person who I tried to spare saw the reality and they realized the enevitable future that awaited the miserable soul whose heart I tried desperately to ave. But what did the person do? They scolded me... and made me feel as if I were an idiot who knew nothing about the world. I don’t claim supreme knowledge over everything.. but there are things that I do know a lot better than some people. Anyways.. to get back on track here.. What does this person do?? They go and do what I advised them NOT to do.... I mean, what are they tinking.. What is their major malfunction?? Are they completely oblivious to all in the world?? In all honesty I think I will laugh hysterically when they realizwe how stupid they were... Do you care to know when that will be?? That will be at the point in time where their face gets rubbed in the dirt by the person they care so deeply about. I can tell you right now, it won’t end up happy.

Well, enough of that.. what will come will come. What we shall see is the fall of a mighty person.. an pain in the butt at times, but a truly good person. Ok.. well see you all later