So this is where I say goodbye
This is where my story ends
And if there's one thing that I've learned from life
It's that it gets you in the end
So goodbye my friend
Goodbye
Goodbye my friend
Goodbye

---

I know the tears you're crying in your bed at night alone
I've cried those tears a thousand times
But those shallow empty songs about suicide are patronizing
You've got to learn to face your fears
Or do you think I'll be less lonely when I'm dead
It can't silence all the voices in my head
I close my eyes but I can't make it go away
Do you think I'll be less lonely
God I pray that I'm not lonely

When I'm dead
When I'm dead
When I'm dead

When I'm dead I won't feel any pain
And when I'm dead I won't feel anything

When I'm dead
When I'm dead
When I'm dead
When I'm dead

I know the songs you're singing, saying nothing loud and clear
I've heard that song a thousand times
But your shallow empty lies about suicide are patronizing
You can never understand what I feel

Or do you think I'll be less lonely when I'm dead
It can't silence all the voices in my head
I close my eyes but I can't make it go away
Do you think I'll be less lonely
God I pray that I'm not lonely

When I'm dead
When I'm dead
When I'm dead
When I'm dead

I am so fucking awesome. Ya know why? Because I got that job I've been wanting for so very long at....THE LOCAL INDEPENDENT RECORD STORE!!

Yes, that's right, I am now the new employee at Incredible Records. I begin work at noon today. And get this: their training pay is 75 cents more than my pay after having had a raise. How wonderful is this job? Very. I honestly have never been this excited to go to work at Taco Bell, so you can only imagine how I'll be feeling later on today when I've actually put in my hours.

All is well...for the moment.

I share a birthday with Johnny Depp. Now we have official proof as to why I am gorgeous.

Birthday wishlist:

CDs (format is Band Name- Album Title...I'm too lazy to italicize it right now)
Anal Cunt- 40 More Reasons to Hate Us
The Bled- Pass the Flask
Children of Bodom- Hate Crew Deathroll
Christian Death- Only Theatre of Pain
Converge- Jane Doe
The Cure- Paris
Dark Tranquillity- Haven
Dog Fashion Disco- Embryos in Bloom
Dog Fashion Disco- Committed to a Bright Future
Faith No More- Angel Dust
Faith No More- King for a Day, Fool for a Lifetime
Freya- As the Last Light Drains
Gay for Johnny Depp- Erotically Charged Dance Songs for the Desperate
Glass Casket- We Are Gathered Here Today
Hopesfall- The Satellite Years
In Flames- Clayman
Kataklysm- Serenity in Fire
Labrat- Ruining it for Everyone
Linea77- Numb
The Locust- Safety Second, Body Last
Mastodon- Leviathan
Moonspell- Darkness and Hope
Mortiis- The Stargate
Most Precious Blood- Nothing in Vain
Napalm Death- The Code is Red...Long Live the Code
Narcissus- Crave and Collapse
Nile- In Their Darkned Shrines
Nine- Killing Angels
Norma Jean- O God, the Aftermath
Pig Destroyer- Terrifyer
Radiation 4- Wonderland
The Red Chord- Fused Together in Revolving Doors
The Red Chord- Clients
Remembering Never- Women and Children Die First
Skinlab- reVolting Room
Still Remains- Of Love and Lunacy
Today is the Day- Sadness Will Prevail
Underoath- They're Only Chasing Safety
Zao- Funeral of God

Everything Else
Dog Fashion Disco's DFDVD (it has all their music videos!)
Money

I'm making a new folder for lyrics I've written for/with my band, The Father, the Son, and the Holy Grope. I am the sole author of any lyrical content unless otherwise mentioned, and you are not to touch it or I shall do something rather unpleasant to you.

Doesn't Look Like Cheating, But Be Careful

Chances are greater than not that you're guys not cheating

In case you can't tell, that picture in my poll for Captain Simian and the Space Monkeys is NOT of the show...obviously the link somehow altered itself so now we have some funny little blob on a rock. A thousand apologies.

Mr. Bungle were/are a band with amusing song titles. Which title tickles your pickle the most? (this will be a two-part poll due to large number of good songs)

7% said Desert Search for Techno Allah
20% said My Ass is On Fire
20% said And None of Them Knew They Were Robots
20% said Pink Cigarette
33% said Everyone I Went to High School with is Dead

Total Votes: 15

So I went to my old school's graduation today. I watched all the people I should've graduated with as they went on into the future, and I stay here. The staff and faculty are talking with me about re-doing Senior year at their school again so I can be a senior and do this the right way, and I think it's a very good idea...however I think I pushed Kaeley too much today. I don't want to say too much about it...but I think that now...well...it's probably healthiest that she and I don't speak with each other, which is sad and a shame, but I don't want to keep hurting her with my indecision, so I'd rather just flat out not have to make her hear me at all.

I'm a bit of a mess right now, in case you can't tell...and I'm feeling rather alone on all ends of things. My best friend Dylan...it felt like she was totally ignoring me today and last night. Last night I was telling her how I'm really uneasy about all this going on lately and she just fucking vanished on me. And today she spent the whole time flirting with this kid Dan (a sweet guy, I really do love him and all that) who she's seen almost every day and barely said a single word to me...it's like I don't exist to anybody at Sonoma Academy anymore. I'm like the ghost of students past. Everybody acknowledges me fondly but then goes right on with their own lives and ignores me when I speak. Yet I still want to go back...because maybe if I were there again I would be beloved once more.

Too much to think about. I'll probably drive myself crazy by the end of the week...

If somebody can just teach me how to make up my mind, that would be enough of a gift...I am more conflicted than I've ever been...I am so afraid. I feel so alone. How emo/cliche, yet how true.

When it stops when it fades
When the bodies have all hit the ground
I'll be there at a funeral for a friend

When it's done when it's over
When the buildings have all burned down
I'll be there at a funeral for a friend

Take my last breath today
Close my eyes and fade away
Lower me in the ground
You'll be there at a funeral for a friend

I can't remember what I was trying to forget
It doesn't matter now
Well I was frozen, I was frozen in time
In a cryonic dream

I can't remember what I was trying to forget
It doesn't matter now
Well I was frozen, I was frozen in time
In a cryonic dream

Send me a message send me evidence from death
A postcard from paradise
They'll find me one day surrounded by porcelain flies
With a smile on my face

Thirteen random things you like:
1. Throwing Skittles at hookers (and vice versa)
2. Singing with my pet budgie, Sammy
3. Trying to marry Purl the piggy with a Ringpop, only to have her decide to eat a snail instead
4. Saying "Aye, dios mio" whilst at work
5. Doing funny dances with funny people
6. Satan's tacos
7. Mo Betta, my betta fish
8. Writing stupid songs and poems that don't mean much of anything
9. My miniskirt
10. Concerts
11. My batman hat
12. All things magical and mysterious
13. Poking and tickling people

Twelve good movies:
1. The Crow
2. Donnie Darko
3. Big Fish
4. The Butterfly Effect
5. Labyrinth
6. Fight Club
7. The Breakfast Club
8. Animal House
9. Million Dollar Baby
10. The Birdcage
11. Mermaids
12. Munsters, Go Home!

Eleven good bands/artists:
1. The Alter Boys
2. Fantomas
3. The Father, the Son, and the Holy Grope (my band)
4. Stabbing Westward
5. Diadem
6. Pigface
7. Nine Inch Nails
8. The Cure
9. Mr. Bungle
10. Prince
11. The Locust

Ten things about you ...
1. I am Ben
2. I have a penis, but I would prefer not to
3. I work at Taco Bell
4. I have a chubby stomach, especially for somebody that's so thin everywhere else
5. I can't sing for shit, but I try to anyways
6. I am going to be homeless in a couple months
7. I am a bit too concerned with grammar and spelling
8. I hate drugs and alcohol, and if you do them...I don't hate you, but I definitely think less of you for it, even though it's not intentional
9. I am more like a mother to my friends than I am a buddy
10. I am shorter than I look, I just have many short friends.

Nine people you wish you could spend more time with:
1. Kaeley
2. Dylan
3. Purl
4. Nani
5. Zulu (that dog...he chants instead of barking, it's wonderful)
6. Sammy the pudgy budgie
7. Matt Cross
8. Anthony
9. Mike Patton

Eight Things You Learned
1. Kaeley really does love me.
2. I should never assume I'm in a corner until I reach out and feel the walls to make sure I'm not hallucinating.
3. I can work hard when I have to, even though everybody I know used to think I'm lazy as hell
4. I am probably secretly a total pervert, as proved by my recent poetry that none of you shall ever read
5. I am ugly, but my oddness still seems to draw people to me anyways, creating some unwanted people who would love to have me as theirs.
6. Maybe I'm better off working low-brainpower jobs, because I do a damn good job at Taco Bell.
7. I'm becoming a bit of a music snob, maybe I should buy that (most likely awful) Linkin Park/Jay-Z CD and listen to it until it's stuck in my head...then I will feel so hypocritical I'll stop being mean about shit.
8. Piggies are friends, not food.

Seven favorite drinks:
1. Orange Juice
2. Dr. Pepper
3. Water
4. Orbitz (the drink, not that fucking online service thing)
5. Mountain Dew Baja Blast
6. Root Beer (all kinds)
7. Fruit Punch

Six Things that annoy you:
1. The music they play at Taco Bell
2. People that mispronounce easily spelled words at work (examples: calling Quesadillas "chimichangas" or "casadilyas" and calling chalupas "cholapas" or even worse...empanadas become "empalapas")
3. Getting called into work on days off
4. People that call me gay
5. The billions of people that visit my girlfriend's melo and fall in love with her because she has My Chemical Romance as her background (I only like a couple songs, and the new disc is not nearly that good)
6. Myself

Five things you touch everyday:
1. My discman
2. My clothing
3. My watch
4. My face
5. ....everything I touch I break...had to say that, I don't know why, but it's a damn good song.

Four shows you watch:
1. Chappelle's Show
2. South Park
3. Family Guy
4. The Simpsons

Three things you look for in a girl/guy:
1. Ability to listen
2. Goofiness
3. Willingness to switch gender roles

Two things you hate:
1. Inner-conflict
2. Gene Simmons

One thing/person you love:
1. Myself

a question. Anybody know the original artist of the 80's hit "Tell It To My Heart" ? I did a lyrics search and got two different artists...so yeah, I'm not sure. As lame as it is, I admit that I love the song and want to download it...so I'd like some help finding it. Thanks much.