fuck yeah for spring break. The weather has been in the upper 70's all week. Two of my classes ended and I got a 98 on my psych final. Not sure about my spanish, so nervous thinking about it. Yesterday I went to the Bike Hugger Social Mobile for sxsw. It was a good ride, and good to see everyone coming out of their caves! At the end there was a raffle and I ended up winning a new wheel set, which is awesome. I went to yoga for cyclists this morning and then played a little bike polo and now am beat and starving, headed home to feed the mutt and rest my eyes. Jordan will be home in the next few days. It's sad without him. No belly buttons to clean the lint out of :(

Love you.

Alright so, man. A lot of stress lately. Lots of school work, less actual work, less money, lots of tears.

My car is no longer running so I'm returning her to my ma. My insurance kind of expired, which may mean that I will owe the government 150+ 30 a month for three years (whoever made that up is a complete idiot....) if I can't get it all figured out. My insurance is kind of funky since I pay by the mile but whatev. Essentially I have to keep my insurance for another month despite me not owning the car that i'm insuring. My car was towed last week because my parking permit was not fully visible. They "cut me a deal" so that I only had to pay 100 instead of 200 but fuck them because I had to work so hard for that 100 dollars. I had to be talked down to, ignored, demanded of, ran around, and pissed off 3 dollars at a time, oh shitty waitressing job. I keep having nightmares that my car gets towed from all these different places. I weep and weep and can't believe how unfair the world is, and then i wake up and feel kind of the same.

I'm really emotionally exhausted. I have school monday through thursday for most of my daylight hours, I work friday through sunday nights and always do a double one of those days, so friday daytime is reserved for sleeping in and doing errands, laundry, more homework. I have a test monday that I have yet to crack open the book for (I'm doing it in a minute, ma!) I had a hard spanish test on thursday, I should do okay on it, atleast a B I feel, I said the same thing about the first two, and I got an A and then a C on those. A's on both my psych tests. My mom promised 100 bucks for every A I get, and I'm working hard.

Spring break! I made the bed for you! I'll make you pecan pancakes and rub sunscreen on your shoulders. Come soon!

This first one is his birthday card.

"You are every drop of dampened sunlight
seeping through the shade of morning
illuminating crane and cloud
inside my dusky swollen heart"

The next card I made a while back, just 'cause.

I'm just off of work, it's six thirty in the morning. I will smoke and sew and then sleep. Tuesday, classes start. I don't know if I'm ready. I don't know if it's right, I will however finish the semester without dropping any classes. I'm going to be so busy.

Work was crazy this weekend with all the students back. One thing I remembered is that you can do nothing and make no money or you can do a lot of things and still not make any money. Oh queso bitches, you will get yours.

Having a decent last week before school starts. I am constantly on the verge of illness, my mucus can't decide which color is better. Jordan fixed my loft so that my new beautiful, sixty dollar couch could fit below it. I made Safira a broken heart pie, black raspberry, ooooh my crusts are getting good! I also learned how to sew cycling caps, way cute ones! Photos coming.

I'm not that excited to start school. Everything is so good already.

I'm up late! It's three. I have yoga at ten thirty.

Your body is a universe
and all the space
between your thoughts
is equal to the space
between the
brightest burning stars.
your mouth is an orchard
your lips bleed the same miracles
that nurture scarlet apple blossoms.
Your fingers grew
like pines
caressed by my
weeping willows.

Once I wad sappho
and you were my love then, too
a slender woman who
took me on
the beaches of lesbos.

I was cleopatra
and you fought for me
so worthy of my oasis
of my last
drop of life.

I wear the same cat eye makeup.

So I'm up at three seventeen in the morning, which is not conducive to my goal of waking up early, but to be fair, I woke up at seven in the morning yesterday, and went to sleep around nine pm last night and woke up around one am, two hours ago, so i got maybe two sleep cycles in already. I'm reading online about 'how to wake up early' and how some people's circadian rhythms are directed either towards morning, towards night, or indifferent. Most people are indifferent, and interestingly enough night people are more independent and creative, while morning people are more responsible and logical. There are many reasons why waking up in the morning is not fun, your blood sugar is at its lowest, your stress hormone cortisol is peaking. I feel like when I wake up early I get those extra few hours that I need to do projects that make me feel productive, so that I don't feel like a lazy asshole for sleeping eleven hours. Below are a few tips from howtowakeupearly.com that I will implement in my life slowly!

1. Meditate in the morning(well look at that! It's something that is also on my goal list!)

Mediation helps clear the mind, reduce stress levels and gain a better understanding of ourselves. They recomend doing it in the morning so that sense of well being follows you through out your day.

2. Try the 'dual alarm clock' trick

If you set your first alarm to go off very quietly, around a half an hour before you need to wake up, if will wake you from your light sleep, which is the easiest sleep to wake from, where you wake feeling refreshed and not groggy. If you are in deep sleep, it will not wake you, so set your second alarm to go off louder at the time you need to wake up. Hopefully by the second alarm your body will be in a light sleep cycle and therefore easier to rouse. Also, I'll have to find a good place for my phone, which is my alarm. I sleep on a loft and when I plug the phone in at night it is on the ground, so ideally I would have to get down and turn it off, but sometimes I sleep right through it, and other times my roommates or boyfriend will turn it off and let me go back to sleep (what the fuck!) which is not helpful at all.

3. Have a bedtime! Since I never know when I will get off work, this one is hard. I finish anywhere between one and six in the morning and this is primarily on the weekends, so the bedtime rule will be enforced mainly on week days. Also, if I lay down and can't sleep for more than twenty minutes, I will get up and do something relaxing until I am sleepy. These implemented bedtimes means that I will not fall asleep watching television or being distracted by something else, I will lay in the dark and close my eyes until it comes!

4. No eating before bed. This is hard also, since I'm starving after working seven hours in a restaurant. This one will take discipline. This will result in more restful sleep.

I want to learn how to have more restful sleep, for shorter periods of time so that I can take full advantage of my free time. It's almost four am now :) Go to sleep!

This year I will have a plan. I will be organized. I will use my sling shot! I will work towards the following goals.

-Teach myself to wake up early
First off, I work nights, so this is not always an easy task. I sleep in sometimes until three, and once you've done that, by the time you are showered and dressed most of the day is gone, especially in the winter when it gets dark at five, and after the bike ride to my destination, i have so little time. The best days always start around nine or ten, so that will be my goal wake up time, unless i worked until six am.

-Learn how to can and pickle things-
Jam is expensive. Fruit spread is so lame, and avoiding hardcore preservatives and added sugars is nearly impossible unless you're shopping in a heath store. Pickled things are delicious and healthy! Grandma knowledge rocks!

-become more familiar with sewing-
My projects are usually pretty small, but this year I want to take on a few monsters. I want to start the messenger bag that I bought the pattern and fabric for a few months ago (then stuffed into my sewing suitcase, because I had no room to really work on a project efficiently). Now I have a loft, and therefore so much more SPACE. I will also finish the beautiful blue houndstooth dress that is over half way done and sitting in the same suitcase.

-play south by southwest-
Last year I was so inspired. I rode my bicycle around, stopping when I heard something good. I promised myself that this year I would have myself a show at south by, which will not be hard since SO MANY musicians play.

-ride my bicycle from portland oregon to san francisco in the summer-
Michelle is getting married! The plan is for Jordan and I to fly or possibly take a train to Portland, visit for a week(I've never been!), and the ride down the coast, camping, fishing (I think I'm going pescetarian this year), taking two weeks to visit national parks and make love in the forest (wooooooooooo!) and then spend the last week with Michelle and Alex and be in her wedding and return home to my job where i will probably be broke and so damn happy.
-learn how to knit awesome hats-
Come on! Who doesn't love a beautiful hat in their favorite color?

-Record an ep (at least!)-
I could have done this years ago. It's time!

-deepen my yoga practice-
I've been going to the same teacher for about a year now and I LOVE her! She is so encouraging, and I've advanced tremendously. my body looks and feels better than it ever has, and it's my temple! I will cherish it! This one includes meditating more :)
-explore felting-
Cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute! My etsy needs more merch, and this is such an easy, precious way.

-take my brothers camping more-
They are getting so badass. I know we would have a great time. I want us to finally be friends the way siblings become close as adults. They are old enough now. This goal also includes continuing to be good about calling Grandma Wilma! and keeping up with family in general.

-tan my tits-
Oh man, this is a big one. I have the whitest tits ever and last summer I decided that I really wanted to not have ridiculous tan lines, since the rest of me gets dark, but I am not super much into exhibitionism, and the place where i tan them is public (it's legal! Go Austin!) so sometimes if there are children, i leave my top on. This year though, i'm taking full advantage of Barton Springs, and the puppies are going to look so damn good.

-continue taking photographs-
This is my newest and favorite hobby right now. You guys see some of what I'm up to. I can't wait until I'm old and have all of these beautiful reminders of what a blessed life I've had.

-become awesome at bike polo-
So I got a beautiful mallet for christmas (Jordan painted it gold with a deep blue heart stencil) and I've been playing recently with the Castle Kids and man, it's so fun. I fall all the time, and I don't have the best kind of bicycle, but whatever, we all have improved in the few times that we have played, so I kind of want to pursue making more polo friends and becoming good enough to impress everyone ;)

Twelve goals, I'll report to you next year on each with my progress. Tonight I'll be celebrating in austins Cathedral of Junk! (http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/la/at-austin/the-cathedral-of-junk-austi...) I'm playing an acoustic set, then welcoming the new year with most of my favorite people. We'll probably go on the full moon ride, too, since it happens to be tomorrow.

I hope your year is full of joy and satisfaction.