Still work at Nintendo.
Still love my job.
Still play bass.
My book has been edited and is awaiting publishing.
Got back together with my ex fiance, Mattie.
Got a new place.
Lost my car.
Have to walk everywhere, but I've lost a shitload of weight and have never been in better shape:)
Lost a good friend... made a few new good friends.
Nobody died... yet...
Some people I love got married.
Some didn't.
I am happy, that's what matters.
So I'm broke as fuck... I only appreciate the little things in life more now and it puts a huge ass smile on my face.

I thought I was over him. I thought... I would rather have him in my life as just friends than not at all. And that's true, so very true. But I thought I would eventually find that happy medium where I could just hang out and enjoy his company.
Nope:(
I realized this when I almost hooked up with someone else this weekend. It was purely physical. I thought, I was convinced, that it was more than that, but when I kissed him I felt nothing. Zip. Zero. Zilch. Nada. When I looked into his eyes I saw an amazing person, but not an amazing person I wanted to be with. When he held me, and when we slept together, everything I felt was purely physical.
I woke up to him this morning and it was great don't get me wrong, but on my way to work I had this strange nervous mistake feeling. I didn't know why until... "he"... showed up.
Normally, people have to work to cheer me up when I get down. But him... all he has to do is just be there. He doesn't even have to say or do anything, all he has to do is stand beside me... and everything that is wrong or painful goes away and I feel comfortable, fine, right as rain. No one else has been able to do that to me.
And I realized what this feeling I have for him is called; the name we, as humans, have given it, when I realized that I can remember the exact moment I started feeling it: It was that half day Friday they let the entire department out early. I woke up that morning and for some random reason, his face was the first thing that came to my mind, and I couldn't wait to get to work and for smoke break to come.
I got to work later and I sat down at my desk and less than a minute later he walked by and kicked my chair. When I turned around he was walking away, looking back at me with this weird little sarcastic half smile that I have yet to see him do again.
I couldn't reply really. All I did was give him what I can only assume was a halfway startled halfway retarded look and then I turned back around before my face turned the color of apples.
The guy that sat next to me started talking to me and I actually studdered the first words I spoke. I felt like I wanted to cry and laugh at the same time, I felt like I was just shot straight through the chest with a flaming hot arrow, like I was having a damn heart attack, I had trouble breathing and I couldn't focus on my game for the rest of the two hours before first break.
I knew before then that I liked him allot, but it wasn't until that specific moment when he smiled at me the way he did and I reacted the way I did that I realized just how much. And even then, I don't think I really knew. not until I was driving home today and I remembered it.
I don't remember the exact moments when I started feeling the ways I have felt about any other guys, not even the ones I have dated, not even the ones I fell in love with. I know I didn't even remember them back when thoughts of them were still fresh in my memories.
But this guy... it seems that I can remember everything. i feel both thankful for it and hateful. I wish I couldn't remember.
I can't have him. I can't even think about having him. I met his girlfriend, the one he won't ever shut up about, and I gotta say... she is one of the coolest girls I have ever met... so far at least. I couldn't bring myself to feel any sort of animosity. I honestly liked her. They live together, and they are happy as cats in fucking pajamas.
I'm not sure why I'm even writing this.
Probably because the one thing screaming at me constantly is the one thing I am forever forbidden to say.
I love you.
For better or worse, I will be miserable just to have him in my life as a friend than not at all. After all, I am only human.
Right???

If I look a little bleak, it's because it itches:P HAHA but I love it to all kinds of bits and pieces

he makes me feel even more alone than when I was all by myself.

IM BACK!;) We got our internet back!!! Now I'm off to see if I've actually been kicked out of college or not... I hope not. I was really starting to like my classes and stuff.

hi im jennie and im drunk. HI

my Argentosoma
Cowboy Beebop
Inu Yasha
Rurouni Kenshin
Samurai X
Lain
Hellsing
Trigun
Rah Xaphon
Mushi Shi
Red Garden
Fullmetal Alchemist
Fullmetal Panic/Fumoffu
Gungrave
Samurai Champloo
Samurai 7
Ergo Proxy
Basilisk
Gilgamesh
Evangelion
Burst Angel
Hayo Miyazaki collection
Ghost in the Shell
Appleseed movies
OR my laptop.

everything else can fucking go, I've decided.

As long as I have a roof over my head, some anime to watch and something to watch it on, and friends... I'm gonna be just fine. (oh, and melo too, of course♥)