So if you're an avid reader (of mine), you'll remember I bought a bunch of books at Barnes & Noble a few months back and never got around to polishing them off. I just finished one of them, called Patient Zero by Jonathan Maberry and I'm not PLEASED, like I should be, when I finish a zombie-centric sci-fi novel. I'm BOTHERED.

Why, you might ask? Because this novel not only made millions, but is praised from on high by tons of other reputable authors. The guy won a Bram Stoker award for his work, and despite it catering to some of my favourite topics (an impending, potential zombie apocalypse, gunfire and hand-to-hand combat, etc.) it just wasn't any GOOD. I am TOO bothered by this guys' writing style for two main reasons.

The first is that its just too straightforward. The guy has no way of wrapping the huge chunk of research that he did for the book in a piece of bacon so that we eat it of our own accord. I always imagine it like this: giving a dog a heartworm pill. Its good for us, mostly painless, and beneficial in the longrun but its just so... blatant and gratuitous, we simply won't accept it. This guy refuses peanut butter, salami or anything palatable, he simply keeps trying to shove it down my throat. Don't get me wrong, I've read military/police style writing before (Tom Clancy, Kyle Mills) and I'm down... It's not as though the content is too dry or uninteresting. This was like I could envision the fat fucker sitting on his laptop with 82 tabs of Wikipedia open, looking up the different names for the handguns that Secret Service agents are liable to use, or the types of engines used in certain military helicopters. It is flavor that I'd normally appreciate on any other day, I mean I'm usually salivating for this stuff... this guy just has no idea how to incorporate it into the story. Whole paragraphs, entire pages of this book sounded like a textbook, even if the vehicle for this information was DIALOGUE. He just doesn't get it.

The second reason being that he's just not Joe Abercrombie. I became far too spoiled as far as how enjoyable reading hand-to-hand combat can be with Joe. For those of you who don't know, Joe Abercrombie is the author of this amazing fantasy series which I have drooled over in previous entries, and he also happens to be one of the greatest writers of our age. Do yourself a favor and get the lot. His books are filled with lengthy fencing scenes, detailed battles and even war. I've read approximately three thousand pages of Joe Abercrombie in the past year and have fallen in love... Now, nothing seems to compare.

Like I said, I fucking love this shit. I outright bought the book because it caters to all my favourite things. But all these zombies, all the brutal slaying and bloody carnage barely made up for what I considered a mediocre writer. I guess I really shouldn't talk because I've barely written anything at all in the past two years. But I guess that's what they say... If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. Add it to the list. Besides moving, planting, harvesting and all that, this summer I'm going to be writing some sci-fi. Who knows, maybe I'll save up $800 for that Sci-Fi writers' workshop they have on MV in October. Maybe I can actually do it this year.

Now back to World War Z. I never get sick of Max Brooks. :)