I couldnt sleep at all last night I kept on waking up and hating life, christine called me at 12:30 and basically said she hates me and never wants to hear or see me again. I'm.. I... can't eat, sleep, or stop crying... I hate this... I called jessy and he of course said what I thought he would was that he didnt mean anything by what he said, that upset her, and that he was sorry if she took it the wrong way, and my friend George said he didnt notice anything out of the ordinary it was just jessy being jessy and saying his off the way shit like he usually does around us, but I guess thats what the whole problem was shes not one of the guys she takes stuff literally and I cant blame her, she hasnt been around my friends all that much... and now she hates me for not saying something when jessy said it, but there is nothing I can do, I think she was just looking for a reason to not talk to me again, I cant blame her Im not the greatest person in the world or anything, I shouldnt of fallen so hard, its really hard to get up... this has been by far the worst week of my life, and my birthday is coming up... yippe? :( god this teary eyed crap with the crying sux so bad... :'(

OF course I don't show it, we agreeded to not see each other for a while, but I cant stop thinking about her, and I cry sometimes at night, I hate not being able to see her, I miss her so much, I don't want to say any of it to her because it just causes her drama, so ill just be quite and wait till the feeling fads, if it ever even does. :(

I love kissing her. :D I even get shy when she looks at me sometimes. Its crazy how comfortable I am around her, it seriously feels like ive known her forever, If reincarnation is true, I totally have known her before. The kissing rocks, lol. I find when im doing my work at my job I will sometimes think of random moments with her and smile. I dont know is it... hm... dont want to guess at stuff. so much more I want to write, but I would need to sit down and really think of how to write it.

So weve only actually hung out 3 times now, but it feels like weve known eachother forever and a day, and our making out, OMG alright so you know when people talk about electricity or chemistry? well its totally there with her and the feeling when we kiss... I dont know how to express feelings right it words. We just fit so well together its kinda scary, well its actually really scary how well we fit. I think of her all the time. what to do? what to do? I dont want to blow this.

Life is AMAZING!

Sometimes I want to just blow up into a blillion little pieces and rearange myself again into something noone can understand except the one, of whom I don't know yet, or at least I don't think I do. Know what I mean?

Damnit, I broke the coding, and im too lazy to go find it again. lol

GOD I'm Bored. (deleted this entry didnt like it sooo much)

This is my favorite comic strip of all time, so im going to post a couple of them here...

So I decided I'm going to start writing in my blog on here, since before coming to this site a long time ago, I wrote on a different site, and I just went back and read over it, it's kind of kool seeing the evolution of joe, well my thought patterns at least, anyways, hm... I seem to of mastered not thinking too much, but I think im going to start thinking more, I think. yup yup =) so...



Today, yesterday, for all I know it could be a year ago by the time you are reading this, I woke up around 1:25pm, yeah I know lazy, but I stay up late so I think it evens it out, I like being a night person it's all quiet and stuff at night, sometimes I take walks at 2 or 3 in the morning, it's fun, wish I had someone to walk with though, sometimes my friend George walks with me, or my sister, or one of my many brothers, it seems a little more real when you just walk with someone at the pace of life, and talk with them.



Back to the thought I was thinking a moment ago, before I cut myself off with those other thoughts I thought and wrote. oooh I wonder if that made perfect nonsense? Wait was that a question? nah, probably a statement or perhaps an answer to a thought I just had, oooooh thinking thoughts, think thought, thinks thoughting. See what happens when you begin to think? It's like a dam bursting, and the walls of water need to flow somewhere so they take the path of least resistance, the path being, I may add, this keyboard, of this computer, set to this site. ooooh the glory of technology.



So back to my thought, the thought before the thoughts I had on thinking, I woke up, well only in a physical sense, as I don't think I had any epiphany which I liken to the thought when I hear woke up (wow that's so funny you can't see the in-betweens while writing, I would of never of thought it was spelt like that, had to google it to make sure, I thought it was spelt something like this "apifamy", damn my phonetic typing, oooh you know what's funny, a couple of times I read stuff that I had written in my dreams while dreaming, and what do you know, I write phonetically, I wonder what that means, perhaps has something to do with the right and left hemispheres of the brain?).



I rolled out of bed, as I usually do, with the thoughts of dreams still slowly fading away from my memories, wondering if they left an impact on me, I unplugged my cell phone, and got dressed. I walked into the den (aka living room) and got on my computer, promptly checking my myspace, looking for some, Quote un Quote human interaction, which of course I had none. Than I proceeded to a site I like to frequent as I listen to the radio show sometimes at night, when I think what is going to be said may be interesting, which it usually is, Coasttocoastam.com, than I hoped on the video game that I play, called World of Warcraft aka WOW. I went on for a bit waiting for my mother to get home so I could treat her and my sister to lunch, didn't end up happening though, she got home at like 4, I forgot that she took my brother david to a court date in like timbucktwo. (hm... retrospect of the day, GET A JOB JOE, YOU LAZY BUMB)



I still have money from my tax return, hm... I wonder if I need to buy a present for a graduation party, haven't ever bought one for a graduation, don't know what I would get, hm... wonder what's the proper etiquette on that, ooooh yeah well you guys don't probably know about that, Im hopefully going over to britneys graduation party tomorrow, should be fun, oh yeah and danny and jess are out of town, I hope they have a fun experience on there little road trip, perhaps it will help danny grow. Man I love those two, one, danny, is my little brother born from the same mother, and if you are an older brother you would know this, I would lay down my life in a sec for him. The other is my next door neighbor Jess, he just happened to move next door, he might as well by one of my older brothers he's great person, some people might think he's a little weird because he follows his own drums and tries to keep it real, but those people are just too self absorbed to understand, and usually there just fighting for there one life identity crisis, which usually means they would never do something to embarrass themselves on purpose, and they have the thought running threw there head all day, "protect the ego, protect the ego..." lol I find that hilarious, if you cant stop and laugh at yourself, with yourself, at the moon mooning you at night, you should really take a second, or a billion, perhaps try a trillion, you may find you somewhere in those fleeting moments.



O.K. (did you know the most recognized word in the world is "o.k." or perhaps it was the most said word in the world.) anyways that's off topic again, alright where was I? Oh, yes. So it was too late for lunch, ahhh and I was looking so forward to going to Po Folks, I love going there because I know the waitresses, and there good people, that's mainly the reason I go to Chilies too, not so much that I like the food, it's more the people that make the places great. Getting off topic again I see, so I ended up eating a big bowl of cheerios, (I should switch to soy milk though, I heard dairy is one of the main causes of allergies, I do think it's true too, and a way to prove it is simple enough, just stop ingesting dairy for a month, and see if you still have allergies, after all we are the only things in existence that drink milk from another species, and also the only ones that drink it after the point of weaning or however you spell that word.) hm... It seems I am more opinionated than I knew, well that's what self reflection seems to do, teach you stuff about yourself you already know.



After the cheerios, I sat a while again, than I decided to take my little sister out, alright I may use the phrase little sister, but in all actuality she is 17 year of age, so I guess she is not all that little, she is home schooled, her choice, she thinks all the children i.e. people her own age in school, are just too dam immature, I must admit I generally thought the same when I was in school. It's funny most of the time while I was in school I hung out with the "geeks" "nerds" "outcasts" and sometimes with the "jocks", most of the time the geeks and nerds kept it real, and I loved them for that, there was no one to impress when you were at the bottom of the social ladder, and that was kool with us, we could be who we are, and do what we wanted, I'm so glad I decided to chill with them, and they turn out to be the most kick ass people in the long run as well. Also a little side note, jocks, well some of them, were also some of the greatest people you would meet in high school.



Well back to my day, I took my little sister out to starbucks, oh yeah and subway, lol it seems as if I'm advertising for these places lol, but the truth of the matter is, that's where I generally go for convenience sake, and they do serve up a good product, yup yup, well there were fire fighters chilling at starbucks, they were talking about work, and how when a new guy comes in they should really make sure not to use the computer as much as they normally do that day, or the T.V. or other stuff like stop off for lunch, you know, the things you usually do lol, I know why they said that, you want to make sure the first week or so is the hardest it can get so you will see the true character of the person, and make sure they will stick around for the long run, hm... Perhaps if people came at relationships the same way, you could weed out the bad ones sooner lol, (im making this next part up, I like ad libbing I do it out loud in real life as well, kind of like as if you were to be the voice animating a cartoon.)



"Sally I know it's our second date and all, but I just had to tell you, I'm seeing another girl, yeah yeah I know, I'm sorry, ill change, I swear"



At which point Sally should probably get the fuck out of the relationship, usually though humans in general don't think like that, there are more along the lines of, oh yeah ill change so and so, till there the way I want, or Ill make them love me. lol not going to happen, you cant change someone that doesn't want to change, no matter how hard you may try.



So back to sitting outside listing to the fire fighters talk, I was chilling watching the cars drive by, watching the sky, zoning out, I like zoning out, gives you time to think of nothing, which is a great thing sometimes, the firefighters also made me think of a friend of mine, named loope, or rather guadalupe, she is pretty hot too, lol, but the firefighters made me think of her because she's training to become one, right now she works as an EMT. (Which for those of you who didn't know is a paramedic. Emergency Medical Technician) I must say, beautiful people getting jobs helping other is a beautiful thing.



So... Back to my day, we started to walk home, I contemplated going right or left, ended up going right, and walking past the parked fire truck, my little sister said, "Wouldn't it be funny if someone just jumped into the fire truck and drove off with it?", I expressed how I like firefighters better than cops, based upon the way firefighters needn't make judgment calls about who they were going to save, it's not like, "Oh that guys a "bad" guy so were not going to save him", or "That person is a "good" person so we will", I just think the firefighters way of living is a little better. We ended up walking threw the mall and stopping off at the arcade where I used about 15 dollars to play some video games, wow I like gun games, especially if there aligned right, oh yeah and that tennis game, if you ever happen to be at the buena park mall and you find yourself at the arcade there make sure to play the tennis game, it's only like 50 cents, and it's hella fun, my friend felix showed me that game, and while showing it to me powned me bad, lol, hm... I don't know why in game terminology they put a p in front of owned but that's the way I've learned. =) yup yup, so I came home, and before I got in the door, my mom and dad were ready to go out to dinner, since I had just ate I didn't feel like going, but a little social interaction is always a good thing, I decided to tag along, we get to chilies, and there are 10 parties of 4 waiting to be sat, you might imagine how long that would take, so my dad decided they were going to go to carrows instead, which I don't really mind, but I more wanted to go to chilies, because the interactions with the network of friends I had made at chilies was one of my ulterior motives for going in the first place, I asked to be dropped back at home, which wasn't such a big deal since it was literally right around the corner. (I did offer to walk home by the way, I'm not THAT lazy) The people in my life play a big part as to where I want to go, I think to a degree everyone does to someone else in this manner, such as that particular waitress/waiter, that is always at that place you like to frequent, there is this one gorgeous goth/punk looking girl that works at starbucks, when I go there, I always think in the back of my mind, "hope is working", lol, I'm not sure others think think like that, She is the same girl my good friend jess has left a couple of leters for, sadly she hasn't responded to any one of them, I so do like it when good friends of mine hook up with other good people, especially when there hot too, my friends deserve that. People make the places you go, the place is just a place without them.



I for one, sometimes get burnt out on food, don't quite know if others do, and that's another excuse for me to go to the places that I do for the people instead of for just the food, I mean in general I sometimes just don't feel like eating anything, all of it just doesn't sound that much appetizing to me, so I choose places to go based on the people, see it does pay to have good people, and sadly but truly good looking people as well, I bet hooters does a lot of business. lol.



BACK TO MY DAY… We were walking threw the parking lot, (I know this may offend a few of you, but that just means your insecure =P lol) and I noticed that all the really good parking spots are handicap ones, and it got me thinking that's kind of bullshit, I mean were raised, and were told not to be racist or prejudice based upon things people can't change, something there born with, and I came to a realization, that people born with a handicap, or people that get one over time, i.e. heaviness from too many crispy creams, get to use these great spots in the parking lot because they were born that way, and I think that's being a little prejudice based upon something there born with.



The term segregation is usually not thought of in the proper term, martin luther king a great force against segregation said he would like to see all man equal, but most people miss interpreted it, if you keep someone separated even in reverse, such as they get a job based off the color of there skin, even though someone may be better qualified, is a form of segregation, I personally think it is needed still because ignorant people and ignorant belief systems persist still today, in the minds of a lot of people. I just have silly childhood notions that people can break there ignorant systems of thought and see humanity as a whole, not this race or that, or this class or that, sadly most of the time this is just not the case.



Anyway, I ended up back here at my house, came in, sat down, played some WOW, and decided I wanted an ice cream sandwich, which meant I needed to walk up to the store, I took my little sister along, When I got there though, I decided upon those ice creams with the cone, and the chocolate, and nuts covering them. Mmmm… it was a good choice, I also got an energy drink, the No Fear one, I guess I like it for 3 reasons, one it has a red tab on top, two it tastes like a melted popsicle those kind that are orange and yellow, and three because it says "No Fear" on it, and I try to live that way. I also ended up buying some frozen soy beans in a pod, mmmm you throw some of those in boiling water, and put some salt on them, there like candy, and there good for you.



Than I walked home, sat down played some more WOW, oh yeah and in the video game wow you use a mic, and a vent server most of the time, and you get to know the people you play the game with on-line, it's like its own little social network, I know for certain I wouldn't be playing the game without those people, I will write a little more in depth about them all later. So after playing wow, I watched futurerama a great show with my kind of humor, and than I sat here, and started, and concluded writing my day into my blog. =) hope it wasn't too boring for you to read! lol, Don't know how interesting it would be to someone who wasn't me. So have a great Nite/Day/Evening WHENEVER YOU READ THIS!!! =D

How can a book truely be fiction if you can read it?

Restless dreams float off into oblivians night as I am engolfed by the silence.

I have to sign these fleating moments into infinity before they escape.

Frailty is beautiful!

God is a comedian.

A friend can hurt you a hundred times worse than an enemy, a family member can hurt you a hundred times than worse than a friend, yet a lover can hurt you a thousand times worse than all three.

Even the devils have more faith than most men, for they were once angels.

Alright well I havent been on for a while I havent updated in forever and I kinda dont want to right now Im tired Ive been working a lott and been playing a lott going out with my friends, which is funny that I brought that up, 3 of my diffrent groups of friends have kicked it with me on three diffrent days going to expensive restraunts, watching great movies, and just overall kicking it with my friends, Im just tired though worn down and I need someone... there is a lott I havent put on here but I will later maybe... goodnight/late (God willing)

Im going to Las Vegas ON Friday!!! :)

Yeah so for about the past week ive been sick with a really severe head cold and it really fucking sucked I could hardly do shit. but that didnt stop my friends from coming by or wanting to go do stuff so I did. heh yeah even when Im sick I still go and do shit lol. well im off to bed again I hope all of you have a great day/night/whenever you read this. Late