"We've seen a slight uptick in the divorce rate in the Army. I only say 'slight' because what I've been hearing from alot of service members is that they don't even have time to get divorced"

-Becky Gates, wife of Army Secretary Robert Gates, testifying last week before congress on the effects of the current Operation Tempo on families and soldiers.

"Virgo: You are centered and calm. What seemed messy and dramatic yesterday can now be simply sorted through. New people will find your uncomplicated approach to life very attractive"

Nope. Im centered and calm but all is still messy and dramatic. Thanks for playing. This week is gonna suck but....

....hold your breath ladies and gentlemen,
here.we.go.

Lake just pulled off the most ultimate "drug deal" ever. I, with great gratitude, pass to him my "working the system" crown. I was completely oblivious too it untill I just got off work but, he got me my weekend back.
Rock Im Park, here I come!!!!!!

PS- HEY WATERS, YOU PIECE OF SHIT, EAT MY ASS!!! E-4 MAFIA CONQUERS ALL!!!

Seeing how pissed he was that he got trumped by an E-7 and couldnt fuck me over was almost better than being able to go the concert itself.

Mandatory 10 mile "fun run". My knees hate me almost as much as I hate this unit.

Things i've learned. People do change. Oftentimes for the worse, sometimes for the better; reserve judgement. If someone is giving all sorts of information that is too good/horrible to be true 1.) it probably is 2.) make sure said person isnt giving you said information from a state sanctioned looney bin.

Things I'd like to know: what the hell just happpened.
So bree told me a bunch of stuff last night that made me feel a little silly. And excited me. And confused the hell outta me. Im starting to think this divorce may not be the huge clusterfuck that all signs indicated it may be. It seems as if my ex is having a moment of relative lucidity. Im wondering if this will last and we can proceed relatively painlessly and quickly, or like some bad episode of greys anatomy the crazy will sponaneously kick back in, leaving her with no memory of the temporary sanity. We actually had a decent 6 hour long conversation last night and it went okay.

That being said, *she* brought up the idea of getting back together last night. Yeah. I know. I was all "wtf, mate?" as well. I cant say I dont love the thought of that idea. Going back. Unclusterfucking all of this and starting over. It would be like a dream. But as I said early this entry about someone else, dreams are often too good to be true. I just dont think the reality of it could work. It wouldnt be starting from scratch. It would being like trying to rebuild a tottaled car. Hell im skeptical as to if this isnt all one giant big trick. The only thing thats odd is she told me she was planning on asking me the day I gave her the divorce papers (that she had requested), and i know she isnt lying. That was four months ago and I had been wondering why she started wearing her wedding ring again the week prior to serving her. And as far as my skepticizm goes, I cant find a reason for. From every angle I can see it, she has the kid, the money, all the material possesions, I bought my car back from her. I just cant find the angle if there is one. Which would lead a logical person to think there is none, but I just cant shake the feeling there is.

Yes I quite frequently sit around and wonder how the hell we got to where we are. I think it sucks. There was a time when I was very happy. And once this is settled one way or the other, I can look back on them with nothing but fond memories. But slowly over the past year this divorce has been dragging out, and rapidly so the last 2 months, any residual feelings of love and affection have just been replaced with bile and hatred. I dont know if there is room in my heart to love anyone, let alone her, again.

As far as taking some time for myself, it isnt about dating, or trying to have sex with people or anything like that. Its about trying to figure out who the hell I am. Im almost 25yrs old and still have very little concept of who I actually am as a person. Ive never been emotionally unattached and happy with it. And im starting to get there. And I think I could use this for a bit longer.

In summary. I am more relieved that all of this may start going smoothly than I am thrown back by the offer. I wish I could. I wish I could more than i can express in words. And while im not happy where im at right now, ive become content with it for the moment, and I dont know If I did decide to give it another go if it would be worth the effort or if it would just drag what has already been a long and completely emotionally exhausting ordeal out even longer. Im so tired.

...off was not nearly enough time to accomplish everything i needed too.

I havent been inside since I got off thursday night except to sleep. Its been awesome. Now to spend the next two days of the four day weekend, studying and cleaning....its not outdoors but at least Im making great personal advances!!!

w00t for this weekend. it rocks a ton.

A year ago today, the Mahdi Army kicked off a 2 month long attempted uprising against the Iraqi government.
And A year ago today I lost a Mentor, leader, and a friend. And a week later 2 more friends. Gumby, Kaz, Lilly....you guys are never forgotten. And dont worry we got the motherfuckers. 700 of em even.

RIP
SSG Gamboa. KIA 25 Mar 2008. Sadr City, Baghdad
SGT Lilly. KIA 7 Apr 2008. Sadr City, Baghdad
CPL Kazarick. KIA 7 Apr 2008. Sadr City, Baghdad

Insomnia.

...it made so much sense. But now that the haze has decended it dont make no sense anymore.

for the drama. omg its ridiculous. so to all three of ya': sorry

"Be careful when you fight the monsters,
lest you become one."

-Friedrick Nietzsche


the only thing more vicious than war is love. I think i need to be very mindfull of this in both. other wise you end up in a very dark place.

As a matter of fact. this may be my next tattoo.

shit. what the hell just happened. life confusion just went up x8475683