it was a tuesday, and she had remembered what he told her the night before. i promise you, it will happen tommorow. she had been told that itd happen before, and he never followed through. this time, the feeling in her stomache made her think differently. throughout the day, she stressed about all her tests and grades and work. last period came. she sat there, hands shaking, thinking to herself, "its going to happen. oh my god am i ready?" the bell rang. it was now or never. she called him, and tried to speak to him as normally as she had always done. "hey, are you gonna keep talking shit and never do anything? or should i stay?" she had always been more like a friend to him, and vice versa. there had always been a mutual attraction, and she didnt want it to be ruined because of one afternoon. "meet me in front of the library." her heart dropped. she knew he meant business. while walking to the library, she tried to collect herself and stay calm. is this really it? is it really gonna happen? what if he doesnt want to?" all these questions flooded her mind while she tried to act as normal as she knew how. there he was, with his back to her, sitting on the chain and swinging back and fourth. she decided that the only way for them to both be comfortable was to act normally. she did. she ran up from behind and hugged him. "wait."she thought to herself,"i never hug him. SHIT!..oh well. now he knows how much i want to do this" he acted normally as well, even though he seemed a little akward. she was relieved, because she knew he was feeling the same way she was. they walked off together, talking about star testing, and trying to avoid talking about the reason for them meeting today. he finally stopped the tension between them. "do you still want to do it? i dont wanna force you if you dont want to. "would i have called you right after the bell rang so we could meet if i didnt want to do it? she got mad at herself. she hated the way she answered others questions with a question of her own, and it made her feel like a smartass. "i promised you we would. im not going to break my promise""amen to that." she liked that answer better. they walked to their destination point, and he layed down. she just looked at him for a minute, how his shirt hugged his body so well in all the right places, and how he looked. shiny from the hot sun, but still so damn sexy. she layed down with him after a million thoughts went through her mind, resting her head on his firm chest. she wanted to be the way with him forever. he grabbed her hand and played with her fingers, kissing her fingertips one at a time.a tingle went up and down her spine. "ive been wanting to be with you for a long time." she smiled with such great satisfaction, she wondered how he didnt see her. he rested his hand on her thigh. normally, she would have reacted. this time, she didnt. she knew what she wanted, and she knew who she wanted to do it. he got up and on top of her as though that was it, and they were finally going to accomplish what they had been yearning for for those 3 weeks. instead, he leaned down and kissed her neck, which happened to be her biggest turn on. she let out a little moan of pleasure as he massaged her neck with his lips, and made his way inside her pants with his hand. he went slowly, easing his way down, making her want it more and more. he really knew how to turn her on. she put her arms around his neck, and they began to kiss again. between kisses, she let out soft moans which made his free hand squeeze her hand harder. he was liking every minute of it. the feeling intensified, and he looked her straight in the eyes. she was fighting to stay quiet now, for the feeling was way too good. soon, the only way he could keep her quiet was to kiss her. she playfully bit his lip, trying to send across the message that she was ready. instead, he spoke to her. "te gusta mami?" god damn. he remembered. she flashed back to the day that she told him that nothing turned her on more than a guy talking to her in spanish in the middle of doing something to her. this was it. this is what she wanted. she wanted it to stay this forever. he was going faster now. she squeezed his shoulder. she couldnt take anymore. she wanted it. right there, right then. he finally stopped, and just stayed on top of her and kissed her. he kissed her so hard and for so long, they both knew that the other was stalling. finally, she pushed him away. she wanted it. he knew it. "its now or never baby." he nodded, kissed her hard, and pulled out orange flavored contraceptive. "that color looks awesome." she thought to herself. she helped him to get it on, for it was slippery. finally, the time had come. 3 weeks of want had finally accumulated into 1 big day. she layed back down. he got on top of her, kissed her one last time, and went for it. she had never felt anything like what she was feeling now, and it was the best feeling shed ever experienced. the pain subsided quickly, and was replaced with the most pleasure she could ever experience. she closed her eyes, unable to believe it was actually happening. the feeling kept her moaning quietly first, and then louder. she put her hands on his sides. she didnt know what else she could do. he went all the way inside her. strangely, it didnt hurt. not at all. it was the best feeling she could remember experiencing. he continued, harder and faster, still talking to her, as if to stop her from losing interest. "can you believe it? finally. after all this time. ive never wanted anything more than ive wanted this." she half nodded, half moaned "yes" in response. she thought to herself, "yes? he didnt ask me a yes or no question." she was coming back to her senses and she didnt like it. not at all. he sped up, and everything was forgotten again. going fast and hard for a while, he began to slow down. she could hear him half moaning and half saying he loved her. she was at the same place he was. she half moaned half said it back. whether or not he meant it, she doubted it. whether or not she meant it, she knew she always loved him as a friend, but she wasnt sure if anything else could happen. he finally was done, and began to put his pants back on. she opened her eyes, seeing his sweaty face over hers. "damn, he looks so good when hes concentrated and sweaty." she situated herself, caught her breath, and layed there for a little bit. she couldnt believe it. just like that. the rest of the time spent with him until she was picked up was incredible. she was in heaven. later on, at home. it was 1030. she decided it was time for bed. she didnt fall asleep. she layed on her back, staring up at the ceiling, hoping that if she closed then opened her eyes, he would be there, on top of her. she needed him.

yea dood so im bored. me and lauren were supposed to go to the mall today, then something happened. moral of story, i dono wut and im really confused. i guess im doing nothing. again. oh well. anyway. im el bored-o. my curtains finally got put up, and its fantastic. they keep out allll the light. i got up at 11 and thought i was like midnight. GOOD GAME. ok nothing else to say

yesterday was super eventful. school was pretty normal, other than the fact that some girl wanted to kick my ass over nothing...god i love dramatic people that think theyre the shit and that their super hard. SWEET. kay so whatever...then i came home an checked my e-mail an my sister sent me the conversation that her and my mom had, and they got into a big fight and whatever. then my dad came into my room and started flippin a bitch cuz i almost/might get into a fight, and then i was wearing a SEAN JOHN jacket cuz i borrowed it from amin, and my dad was like OH SO NOW U WEAR NIGGER CLOTHES?! i went off on him and he just left my room pissed cuz i wus totally right in everything i said.finally,my sister came home and i talked to her for a lil bit, then my mom took me to the orthodontist. after we went to target so my mom could get some shit for the kids, which pissed me off cuz i hate the kids and shit so it just bugged. in the car on the way home, saeed called my cell and i was all like happy cuz saeeds the awesome-est so then my mom told me to call him back when we got home, and whatever so i did. then my mom was talking to me about the kids and i seriously couldnt care less about the retarded kids so i just say anything. then my mom went off bout how i only treat my friends good and treat everyone else like shit, which is sooooo not even true, so just sat there and took her shit. then i got home, got the house phone and caled saeed back. i started yelling at my lil brother cuz hes fucken COOL and gives perfect strangers on the internet the house phone # AND my cell phone number. what the hell i was like URRR SUCHHH A FAGGG. then, needless to say, he went and told my mom that i was calling him names, and of course the little pansy failed to mention that he called me a bitch and told me to fuck off and all this other shit....he always does that shit. anywaze, so then my mom storms into the room and im just like whoa...cuz she totally trips about randomness and i just get really really really really mad because she wont listen to me fer shit and doesnt respond. she started unplugging my computerr and shit. i was like OKAY COOLGUY time to tell me what the fuck ur doing. anywaze so then she just ignord me and i got really really pissed and so she was just like IM TAKING YOUR COMPUTER!! THATS IT! i was like FINE IM LEAVING...cuz i seriously thought she would stop taking the shit out if i did, but she was just like GIVE ME UR CELL PHONE THEN and i was like NO! and then she was like COME BACk and i just hauled ass out the door, and walked down the big hill..i was sooooooo fucken pissed it wusnt even funny. it was dark and kinda scary but i was so mad that i wasnt even paying attention to anything to begin with. oh well. so then i called my aunt and she dint really say much...wanted to know if i wanted her to pick me up and i told her that since she so far away that nvm, but then she got worried and shit, and then she was juss like ARE U SURE ARE U SURE!? and i wus like yea its arrite i’ll survive. then my sister called me and i ignored it cuz i wusnt sure whether it was my mom or my sister, but i didnt want to risk it. so then i called lauren and asked if she wus busy, and she came to pick me up right away, and then i went back to her house with her for like a good 20 minutes. then my sister called and i answered, and she picked me up at the taco bell like 15 minutes later. then we went to soup plantation and talked. i really didnt want to come back home. finally i juss did, and my comp was gone out my room...lol...shes so dumb cuz she didnt realize that if my comps not hooked up, none of the computers work wit internet cuz the router is strait off my comp. lol, so since my sis needed it, she took it out my moms room and gave it to me to hook back up..i hooked it back up and then signed on my s/n for a sec and ricardo wus on so i told him to IM me on my cell phone. so he did, and we talked for a lil bit, and i guess hes supposed to holla at me today. we’ll see..... then i just finished my math homework, and went to bed around 10. at 12:45 my dad storms in my room cuz he just got home, and hes fucken yelling on the top of his lungs. i was like WOW UR GAY...he told me to go into the livingroom so i did, and then he reemed on me. i was a smartass the whole time, cuz i was just hella tired. then my mom comes out of nowhere, starts yelling at me too, and im just cornered and getting attacked at all sides. they were juss buggin and i was like making them seem like the badguys the best way i could, and then my sister came out of her room too, and started defending me. my parents threatened to send me to tijuana. i was like if you guys wana send me to mexico, go right ahead then they were kinda like at a loss of words cuz they thought id like trip out bout it....WRONG...then we just argued for a long ass time more, me an my sis vs the parents. it felt good to get everything i had to out. so finally i just went to bed, and then my dad came in like 5 minutes later telling me he was sorry, and i was like dad? and he was like YEA? and i wus like promise me that u wont be racist towards my friends that you dont even know then he was like I JUST DONT LIKE HOW THEY DRESS and i was like that has nothing to do with who they are, and if you ever wana meet any of my friends or anything like that, your gonna need to learn to accept them for who they are, not for what they wear, or else im just gonna hafta continue to not bring any friends over. and he was like OKAY I PROMISE...i promise. in my head i was just like THANK GOD cuz it gets old. this morning i woke up at 6:45 and was in nooooo mood to get dressed in 15 minutes and go to school, so i just didnt go today. i did my big ass math project, that is like PRO-SKILLness, and if i dont get a good grade, ima be pissed cuz i did such a good fucken job on it, its not even funny. it turns out that after all of last nights events, im not grounded from ANYTHING and im juss chillen. school gets out in an hour and i want it to be over already so i can get the homework i have to do tonight so if / when ricardo decides to holla at me tonight, i wont have ANYTHING to trip about.....IM REALLY SORRY THIS ENTRY IS SO LONG, AND IM NOT FORCING ANYONE TO READ IT...