people seem to like my dog. well, here's a little background info on him. he is five years old and his name is toffee. he was the runt of the litter and when i first met him, he peed on me. he is food, toy, and dog agressive. but he also loves to cuddle under the covers.

last friday, my mom and i went to seaworld. they have a fun little program going on where going one day gets in you free for a whole year. just one of the many perks of being a florida resident. my mom had a new camera and was very excited about taking pictures with it. it's pretty and red and it actually needs to be charged for the full three hours like the instructions say or else the batteries die out right as about you're about to take pictures of a shark with a mouth that looks like a saw. oh well, good thing we can go back any time we want. here's all the rest.







these are the manatees. they were all, um, sleeping. and that crocodile pool? was totally full of pennies even though there was a bright yellow sign saying don't throw in foreign objects. fucking morons.


all the dolphins were, like, battle-scarred. i felt bad for them. it was like there were welts all over their bodies, like if they didn't jump through that hoop, the trainer was gonna take his belt off....

there is absolutely no way to tell this but this a picture of a sting ray pool. i fucking love sting rays. i could spend quite a time just sitting there petting them.


hello, i'm a regular bird you see every day walking down 1-92 but i got tired to dodging toyotas to get to the other side of the street so now i like here at seaworld. yaaaaaaaay!

my therapist's teeth are very white and very straight. they are white like dentist's office propaganda. there is a billboard on orange avenue for a dentist that claims to also treat chickens. he is holding a little circular mirror tool into a chicken's mouth. i think it is a rooster, to be specific. in any case, my therapist anastasia.....her teeth are very white. i think i am suspicious of people with exceptionally good teeth as i have very poor plaque and tartar covered broken teeth. but she also has small tits so i guess it balances out.

she is wheeling me into the therapy office because my mother has purchased a new wheelchair that does not have two big wheels in front. it is lighter and easier for her to remove from the trunk but completely strips me of any independence i might have had in the chair. she asks me to hold what she is holding so she can push. it's some sort of evaluation paper and it is me. throughout the session, i am dying to read it. the session last 2 hours, more actually but at least 2 hours when it should be 45 minutes. at the end, i get the paper.

panic disorder without agoraphobia
dysthymic disorder - depressed mood for most of days than not
polysubstance dependence
r/o social anxiety - persistent fear or one or more social or performance situations in which the person is exposed to unfamiliar people - exposure of feared social situation provokes anxiety - the feared social or performance situations are avoided

the short term goals i have agreed to are to identify and write down my history of anxiety attacks or symptoms to help identify my triggers. i will email this to her. i agree to discuss my feelings during session and decrease my habit of hiding my feelings. i agree to take medication as prescribed. i agree to attend sessions and will call if i am unable to come.

now i was given an old outdated paper. she will give me a copy of the new paper with juicier details next week. i like that i am given a paper with fucking psychological terms on it and i dont have to try to steal the fucking folder from the file cabinet. no one ever wants to tell you anything, like labels and words have lost all meaning to feeling.

and no, its not anything i didnt already know but thats not the point.

ironically,rather than have my mother ask questions about it, i tucked into the new issue of rolling stone i was reading at the time - britney spears:inside an american tragedy. its surreal but its hardly a fucking tragedy. the fucking iraq war, the fact that when mccain gets elected there will be an iran war, fuck! animal cops detroit is more of a fucking tragedy than some pop star who is having a nervous breakdown. we're all going through it now, aren't we? if you're about 25, you're fucked and freaking out. you just don't happen to have papparazzi following you about.

i spend most of my time nowadays in my room. i spent most of my previous time in my room but it was by choice. i can go but so far with a fractured hip. so i thought i would post pics of my room so you can get a feel for where i am.



this is a picture i actually like of myself, even though you can see my double chin. its from my birthday.






toffee always look sleepy or drunk as hell when you take his picture.





i went to a horror convention last year and my mom just finished putting finishing touches on the photos with the three main celebs i went to see. this is james duval. soo hawt i have to spell hot incorrectly. then there is jennifer rubin from nightmare on elm street 3 and lisa wilcox from nightmare on elm street 4 and 5. they are hanging above my closet.







karla gave me this clock for my birthday. homer says something different every hour. my fave is when he sings "i gave my love a chicken, it had no bones" whilst trying to seduce marge.





my music wall. most of that stuff was taken from virgin megastore displays and such when i worked there. the mates of state i got signed when i went to coachella in 06. they seemed impressed by it.





my dvds. i got the mannequin at a universal garage sale when i worked there and karla gave me the octopus puppet.





my other music wall. the poster you cant see is for the last rob zombie tour. i got these from a stencil site, my mom cut out the designs, and i painted them on the wall.it was like therapy. its robert smith from the cure, bjork, trent reznor from nin, sufjan stevens, and elliott smith.





last but least, my pharmacy. it actually doesn't look so big in this picture. but i guess when you consider i take this shit every day...

this is my dog toffee. he's a sexy motherfucker.