I'm breaking more and more and it's scaring me. It seems like my entire world is just crashing down on me. Today was a very emotional day and I just want to down this bottle of pain killers and go to sleep for a very very long time. '

My sister came to return my work shoes but obviously had other intentions. She sat and talked at me for about an hour about why I need to leave Rashan and move back in with my parents. She told me I had a week to talk to him and make up my mind about whether I wanted to stay here or leave and if I didn't talk to him within the week she was going to come over with boxes and pack my shit up and take it to my parents. Everything she said was true but I hated her in that moment for how she said it. She called later and apologized but I'm still very frustrated.

My dad is getting sicker and sicker and my sister thinks he's holding on long enough to see me make a change for the better.

My grandpa was taken to the hospital today because he started crying hysterically out of the blue and no one could figure out what was wrong with him.

These kids of Rashan are going to give me a nervous breakdown.

I'm still getting sick to my stomach. I can barely keep down food.

After my sister left today I got on wow and kept playing. It was either that or curl up in a ball in bed and I'm not sure what I would have done if I continued to think about it.

I just don't know what to do with my life right now.

Tiffany asked me if I saw a future where I was happy with Rashan or if I even saw a future with him at all. I told her I didn't see a future period. And I don't.

I think there's too much going on in my family right now and too much going on in my head for me to be in this relationship with Rashan at the time. I don't see it working out. I feel bad because I'm not really here. But I'm scared to lose him. I really do care for him and I'm scared that I might be losing out on someone amazing because I can't get past me. I don't know if I'm being selfish or if that's what I need to worry about first. I just..can't deal with it all anymore. I really don't want to get out of bed. I don't want to wake up. I don't want to think. I don't want to feel.

do you make a decision that will change your entire life and not look back and wonder if it was the right one? Where does the confidence come from that the decision you made was the right path?