Aren't my eyes pretty?

Contains some nudity, so if you're under 18, blah blah blah.

Everytime I hear some stupid douche emo kid saying they want to kill themselves (I have slit my wrists twice, both times cutting the artery deep enough they had to stitch it), that I'll grab their arm and show them exactly where you cut to effectively slit your wrists and die. Oh, and there's no need to slash really fast. Both times I've done it, I just did it nice and slow, cutting a little deeper each time. Because I didn't want to fuck up a tendon and not be able to move some of my fingers.

Of course, one of these fuckers might actually be serious and not just trying to get attention, and try to do it, so I might be getting sued in the future. But what the hey. If you say you want to kill yourself, you might as well know how to do it properly, I always say.

Apparently, some chick on Myspace (how the hell did she get my profile, as this dude's profile and her profile is not on my friends list?) is wanting random people to write her father, Gary, who happens to be in prison. Here is the message (that I have not altered in anyway), which was forwarded to several people:

Hello This Is Gary's Daughter Im On His Profile Again. If You Wouldn't Mind Writing Him In Prison If You Have Time Please That Would Be Good. He Is A Great Guy So Don't Think Other Wise Because He Is In Prison . Here Is His Address If You Would Like Too Write. Thank You! If You Have Any Questions You Can Message Me On MY Myspace Im His Number One Friend On His Tops.
Gary Parker: OPUS# 0475795 [P.O. Box 730] Tabor City NC 28463 ]

The stupidity of people never ceases to amaze me. Does she seriously believe that people are going to go, "Oh, well, since she's his daughter and says he's a great guy, despite being in prison, then it must be true." I'm sorry to say, but most people who go to prison aren't sent there because they're nice people, who do nice things. I don't think you're going to find the Citizen of the Year in prison.

Also, I'm very disturbed by the fact that this "Gary" has to ask his "daughter" to get on Myspace and message people and ask them to write him. This whole thing is a bit shady, if you ask me. Plus, there's the fact that when you write him, you are giving him your address (unless you happen to be smart and use a fake one or a PO Box), which he can get someone on the outside to go find your humble abode, or, when he gets out, look it up on Map Quest and give you an unexpected visit.

If you get a message like this, just don't respond. Writing to random people in prison is just stupid, which should be an obvious conclusion to anyone with a brain. But, as there are many stupid people in this world, most likely, there will be someone out there writing to Gary. And whatever happens to them because of it is their own damn fault.

The great feelings I've been having are slowly slipping away, and melancholy is setting in. In the past I used to have to worry about the fact I might have thoughts about cutting, but ever since I turned 20, the appeal of it faded. As did any forms of self mutilation. Just seems a bit childish now.

Now when I start feeling this way, I just listen to music. Except unlike when I cut, which would help me get over this feeling faster, it seems to draw it on longer.

I hate bipolar disorder.

I had a strange dream. I can't remember all of it, but the part I do remember was that I was standing next to a guy, and then this other guy shot him, and as his blood sprayed out everywhere, I could feel it splash on my face.

I've been having a lot of those dreams, where it seems I can feel stuff in my dreams. I wonder if this has any meaning, or if it means I need to stop drinking tea before I go to bed.

1. What time is it? 7:44 PM
2. Name as it appears on your birth certificate: Marina C Jones
3. Nicknames: Rina, Tweak, Wednesday
4. Parents names: Carol; David
5. Number of candles that appeared on your last birthday: Don't do the whole candle thing anymore
6. Pets: three kitties
7. Height: 5'7"/5'8" somewhere around there
8. Eye color: blue/green a mix, depends on the mood and what I'm wearing
9. Hair color: kind of a dark brown
10. Piercings: nipples
11. Tattoos: faerie, dragon, phoenix, butterfly, scorpion (no i'm not a fucking scorpio, sheesh), and a crappy heart that was spur of the moment
12. How much do you love your job? unemployed as of the moment
13. Birthplace: Donetsk, Ukraine
14. Childhood love: Derek, from preschool...
15. Current Residence: Sick City, not Sin City mind you
16. Had the drink Calypso Breeze? what the fuck is that?
17. Been in love before? who hasn't? unless they're a sociopath, like my ex boss was...
18. Been to Africa? HELL NO! with all the poisonous snakes, dangerous animals, and various parasites and diseases, who the fuck would want to go there!?!
19. Been toilet-papering? oh please
20. Been drunk? yup
21. Ever dress up for Halloween? yup
22. Loved somebody so much it made you cry? unfortunately, yes
23. Been in a car crash? heh...
24. Croutons or Bacon Bits? neither
25. 2 doors or 4? i like 5 in mine
26. Sprite or 7-Up? sprite. my vocal lubricant! just ask danzia how many bottles of that i downed during practice
27. Coffee or Coffee ice cream? coffee ice cream is yummy, but
28. Blanket or Stuffed Animal: stuffed animal ... it was a bear that played a little melody when you wound it up. still have it too
29. Dumper or Dumpee: been both
30. Salad Dressing: italian
31. Color of socks: white - usually black
32. Number: oh i don't know...226?
33. Place to be kissed: the mouth...and other various places...
34. Movie: Natural Born Killers, Se7en, Fight Club, Tale of Two Sisters, The Salton Sea, Aliens, Kill Bill Vol. 1&2, many more...
35. Quote from a movie: What we have here is a failure to communicate
36. Favorite holiday: Halloween
37. Foods: Chocolate
38. Day of the Week: Friday
39. Song at the moment: Death Cures All Pain by Suicide Commando
40. TV Show: Family Guy?
41. Word or Phrase: That guy hates cans!
42. Celebrity: Hm...Dita von Teese and Milla Jovovich
43. Toothpaste: Crest
44. Restaurant: don't eat out that much
45. Flower: lily or rose
46. Least favorite subject: math
47. Alcoholic Drink: rum punch, screwdriver, margirita
48. Sport to watch: soccer
49. Type of Ice: vanilla...wtf kind of question is this?
50. Zoo exhibit: don't go to zoos
51. Sesame Street Character: oscar
52. Disney or Warner: Warner.
53. Fast Food Restaurant: Wendy
54. When was your last hospital visit? like...a year and a half ago...got my slit wrist stitched up nice and pretty.
55. Favorite drink: pigs blood
56. What color is your bedroom's carpet? white
57. What was the name of your childhood blanket? who the hell would name their blanket? stuffed animal, yes, blanket, no. I mean, do you name your coat hangers and your lamps too?
58. How many times did you fail your Permit and/or Drivers test: once, but then I got it the next time
59. Ouija boards? proof of parker brother's contract with the lords of the underworld
60. Where do you see yourself in 10 years? hopefully doing something constructive, if the world hasn't ended by then
61. Who was your last e-mail from? my bookie...not
62. Have you ever been convicted of a crime? they can prove nothing
63. Which single store would you choose to max your credit card? probably a bookstore or a video store...
64. What do you do most often when you are bored? fill out surveys
65. What words or phrases do you overuse? nothing
66. Name the person that you are friends with that lives the farthest away: japan
67. Most annoying thing: stupid people
68. Best thing: being loved
69. Bedtime between: whenever the hell i feel like it
70. Who will respond the fastest? who the hell cares?
71. Who is the person you sent this to that is least likely to respond? i sent this to no one
72. What time is it now? 8:02 PM

I went to an alternative school my last two years of high school, mainly because after trying the public school, two different private schools, the public school again, and going crazy and having to be in a treatment center, all I was looking for was just graduating high school at that point.

So, junior year, I decided to go to prom. The overskirt and petticoat alone cost about $350. (it was from FairyGothMother.com) The corset I found in a shop downtown for $60. I chose this outfit because I had modeled it after Dita von Teese's lovely wedding dress when she married Marilyn Manson (who is now the biggest loser, but I disgress). My hair was also quite long back then, with pretty purple streaks in it. Ah, such a silly little girl I was.

Don't I look oh so pretty?

Marred by the fUcKiNg american flag.

Then at the after party I got stoned out of my mind, ate 20 chicken nuggets and half of a large pizza, then when my dad picked me up at 3 am we swung by Taco Bell, where I added 6 soft tacos to the menu. Oh, the good 'ol days.

(Contains some nudity, so if you're under 18 and living at home, don't look when your parents are around)

I am not against plastic surgery. If it makes a person feel better about themselves, then good for them. It's their money, and if they want to spend it on dangerous and expensive surgeries, then they can go right ahead.

But if you're going to get plastic surgery, in my not-so-humble opinion, you need to try to make it look as if it were natural. I mean, jesus. When I see pictures of women who have taken breast augmentation too far, it scares the shit out of me. Why? Because it doesn't look at all natural, nor does it look beautiful or sexy. It looks fucking gross and and you basically have a huge sign saying "LOOK! MY BOOBS ARE 110% FAKE!!"

And besides the breasts, basically everything about you looks fucking fake. I mean, do you seriously want to look like Barbie? And along with that Barbie figure, do you want a Barbie convertible, Ken, and a Barbie dream house as well? I'm sorry, but when I see a woman who has had more than 6 plastic surgeries, I lose respect for her. Why?

Because that means that a woman like that only gives a shit about what she looks like. She most likely cares more about what you look like than who you are as a person. If you have a six pack and look like Brad Pitt, but are as dumb as dirt or an asshole, she probably won't care, because if you look good, that's all that matters.

What made me get into this rant? Heidi Montag. I mean, what the hell was wrong with her body before? I thought she looked pretty good. But now? A Pamela Anderson Barbie doll wannabe. Here's a picture if you want to see a before and after.

I want to get a very large safety pin and pop those huge balloon type boobs of hers. Goddamn, could she look anymore fake?

Now, Dita von Teese had some plastic surgeries. 3 total. She bleached her skin, got breast implants, and got a fake beauty mark. That's it. I mean, look at her. All her plastic surgeries just enhanced her beauty, not made her into a freak. (well, if you don't like the goth/vamp look, you might not think she's pretty).

See? You probably would have never even known her boobs were fake, had I not told you.

Sheesh people. Be happy with what you got. I mean, the biggest reason why I'm attracted to a person if because they have some imperfection that makes them just so endearing.

The caretaker gets pissed off and kills you!

And so marks the end of the graveyard pictures.

(No, I did not misspell anything on my title. It's supposed to look that way.)

Anyway, I'm sure you all are just dying to know more about me, so here's some useless information that will never come in handy.

First thing. I am Ukrainian. Yes, I am from the far away land of Eastern Europe. I was adopted from there when I was three and a half years old. Sadly though, I do not speak the language. Though I do hope to learn it someday and go back to Donestk (the city where I was born).

I'm extremely bipolar. While some people don't have to take medication for their bipolar, I have to. Everytime I go off my meds, I either try to kill myself, or I get manic and do some stupid shit, then when I finally crash and fall asleep and wake up, I can't remember what I did. And most likely when I go off my meds, I end up in a pysch ward. Hence, I need my meds.

On the subject of drugs, I really don't do them. I'll do coke now and then, but that's about it for illegal drugs. Really, the only drugs I do (besides the ones prescribed to me) are alcohol, cigarettes, and caffiene. I absolutely hate downers. I like to be up and doing stuff, not be all down and a log on the couch. Surprisingly, even though I'm Ukrainian, I hate vodka. If it's the only thing to drink, I'll drink it, but usually, I skip over it. Oh, and I've done some heavy drinking, but never once in my life have I ever gotten a hangover. HAHA!

I fucking love foreign foods. My favorite has to be Mexican. Mmm...though I also love Asian, Italian, and many more.

I use profanity. Don't like it? Too fucking bad. Censorship bores me, so fuck right off. =]

If there is one thing I cannot stand, it is lying and cheating. I mean, if you want to go fuck someone else, have the fucking decency to either break up with the person you're dating or tell them. Don't go behind their back and be sneaky about it. I mean, goddamn. How fucking low can you go!?

I do not believe in marriage. Considering that 60% of all marriages end in divorce these days, can you blame me? And, I'm just not into this whole shit of "omg, we've only been dating for three months, and i so know you're the one. let's get married!" WHAT THE FUCK!?! I mean, do people think that once you get married life magically gets better and you get your happily ever after? I think not. Life keeps going dumbasses.

I'm guessing by now you can conclude I'm a very cynical person. Personally, I think I'm more of a realist, but heaven forbid people hear logic and reason over emotion. I mean, I went through that whole thing of choosing emotion over reason, and I got FUCKED OVER. So, you might see why I tend to choose logic and reason over emotion.

Ordinarily, I am an extremely mellow person. I'm usually the person that has to defuse a hostile situation. And it takes a lot to piss me off. However, once you piss me off, you will forever rue the day you have done so. But, once I've cooled off, everything is all right again.

While I might bash a celebrity or someone, I will point out some good things about them. I think if all you do is just bash, you look like a biased idiot.

I have an extremely dark sense of humour. It disturbs a lot of people, and has gotten a lot of weird looks and long bouts of silence.

Willy Wonka and the Joker are my pimps. Booyah!

I eat people like you for breakfast.

Every Saturday at midnight I sacrifice cockroaches to the peanut butter god of the underworld.

what more do you want me to say!?

stop reading this.

NOW!

I mean it.

I'll kill you...

**edit note** District 9 made it into the Oscar nomination of Best movie. FUCKING SWEET!

Mercy waits beyond the gates
And everytime it's always late

Sinsation Is Sex
Salvation Lies Wrecked

However, thou turns into sparklez when thoust hits thy sunlight, forever blinding me with thy rays of pure ecstacy! Alas, when I try to get near, the scent of mine burning desire drives thou away. Oh, let us cast ourselves to the wind and run away to the far away place of Candyland. Let us live among gumdrops and lollipops, where we shall lick the juicy contents of....oh, uh...oops. Got carried away. You get the point.