I know I shouldn’t feel this way but I can’t help it. The girl of my dreams loves me back, what more could I ask for? Everything should be perfect right? Then why is there still this extremely eerie feeling in the pit of my stomach. Like at any given moment it could all be taken away from me. Like I should hold on to what I have by the seams because if I let go it will surely end. It happened before, remember. Same girl. Now the uncertainty of the exact same thing happening again haunts me. At times its like I’m flying, completely free of all the worlds ugliness, and it’s just her and me entwined in bliss for everyone to envy. Because that’s the way she makes me feel. Then in the blink of an eye I come crashing down and I’m just falling, me by myself, falling. And falling to your inevitable doom can be a very sickening feeling. So why do I put myself through this? I could easily just remove myself from the situation. And the answer is so obvious. She is worth it. The chase is worth the prize. What’s life without risk, without uncertainty, without the prospect of, “oh shit! Didn’t see that coming.” No matter what I do obviously I can’t look at the situation from the omniscient. My head is clouded by the fact that my heart is exploding bloody goodness whenever I think of her. I’m so in love with this girl it makes it hard to see anything clearly. But the biggest fact still remains, I want to be with her more than anything in this world right now. I love her. And I mean heart-bursting, mind numbing, losing yourself in the feeling type love. Intense passion for everything relating to her. The kind of feeling that can change lives. I’ll take the shot for you. Without a second thought.

It is my lady, O it is my love. Mementos from faraway places remind me of the girl, the reason my heart beats steady now, instead of a lonely tune out of tune. My heartbreaker has become my hearthealer. The pieces of this shattered glass heart had been broken down by the girl, only to be woven back together stronger than ever by the same girl. How is that possible? How can the reason your heart ached with unbearable agony, be the reason it now glides blissfully through each beat; the best feeling in the world, my heart beating in rhythm with hers, heaven on earth. Mementos from my angel keep me warm at night, the way it smells, the way it feels, reminds me of the girl. The cause of the pain, and the release of the pain. She said “I love you too,” and in that moment my heart dropped 22 stories, and fell and fell and fell and magically pieced itself back together fast enough to notice that my Angel was crying. Thats when I knew... Epic romance.

The metaphorical vice that is clenching my heart makes it hard to breathe. She is taking my breath, but not like the last time. This time every inhale is me holding on for dear life. And every exhale I force brings me closer to an exhaustion that cripples my soul. The pain in my words is evident. But the heartache is an indescribable feeling that I could only situate with what it feels like to know you are dying. Is this not hell? Specifically designed for me, incorporated into the worst feeling you could ever imagine. Death is an unacceptable prospect in the world I live in. The punishments, consequences, actions and reactions are much worse here. I have to live.

You string me along, you lead me on. You made me believe that you cared about me. I was a convenience to you because I was always there. So you pretended to care. And everything we shared was false. I was trapped in your reverie for nobody to see. You were ashamed of me. My heart stripped bare. Running my fingers through your hair. Absolute bliss I swear. And I thought that just maybe. Through all the smiles the "kiss me's" the "baby's" you wanted the same things I was craving. Now I can't escape this air, of the cheap perfume you wear. All I have left are blank melodramatic stares. Still holding on to the memories, everything you ever gave me, and everything we shared. Behind this closed-set mystery. My exponential heart disease.