My tongues frozen, it’s cool. Not much else to write really ._.’.
Music:-Morning Musume-Aikoto Aru Kinenno Sunkan.
It’s like my life fluid and... I don’t really know why I mean... I’m not alone in reality. I could go live me a perfectly fruitful and real life but instead I sit here existing in stupid fantasies about a boy from a completely different world, and while I’m doing this, life’s slipping through my fingers.
Why don’t I leave? Because I’d miss him too much. One month and twelve days and already he’s the centre of my World, if anything this teaches me one thing, I’m too clingy.
Mood:- Apathetic, empty.
He monopolises my thoughts, everything revolves around him, I come online for him and when he’s not here it’s just not the same anymore, God I wish he lived near. I’m frightened he doesn’t feel the same, and that the way I feel for him is stupid in his eyes, but I don’t care.
He. Is. Beautiful.
I love you.
You’re not special enough to see him properly. =X.
I’m really frustrated right now. It’s like no matter what, on here, irl, where ever, I cannot get what it is that I want the most. Whenever someone claims to care there’s an ulterior motive. I said I’d get over this shit but the fucking day to day bullshit of this cyber space is getting to me again...
I just can’t stand it. I’m wanting to cut again and it isn’t a nice feeling. I really dislike myself, why can’t I be better and stronger than this? Am I so fucking fragile that even text breaks my heart? Or maybe I’m that desperate.
Mmm... God I just don’t know. Someone who was special to me but is gone said to me that I dwell on things, and I think I do. It’s hard to help it though when every little thought sends a fresh pang of pain. I think I’m just lonely.
Mood:- See above.
Music:- Amy Studt-Just a little girl.
I dunno how I’m doing lately. I found out something that upset me a lot, and I’m really hurt by it. It’s one of those things that just clutches you by the neck and squeezes hurt out of you until you wanna cry or die.
I’m pretty over it, but I just can’t believe the insensitivity of this person, the lack of caring, etc etc. I can’t be bothered with this anymore. Whatever.
I’m pondering going out but I can’t be assed. Mmm. Meh. Thassit.
Music:- Brand New-Sic Transit Gloria (Glory Fades)
You know what my most favourite thing in the world to do is every sunday morning?
There’s something about waking up sunday morning and having a good wank that’s really great. It makes my whole weekend seem more worthwhile than it was, ya know?
I’ve been talking to an interesting boy lately (online, of course). One side of him seems incredibly insightful and intelligent, filled with interesting theories, and a good overall understanding of many things. Another side of him is rather uncertain and requires reassurance. One moment the discussion’s something interesting, the next it’s about the issue of how he feels fat, or how he thinks he’s the prettiest boy in the land.
Don’t get me wrong here, I’m certainly not putting him down. He’s a really nice kid, and very cute ;D. But it’s just fascinating how the deeper you delve into people, and getting to know them, the more they alter, someone who seemed intelligent and sensible is actually the same as everyone else when it comes to convictions about their appearance.
That’s all for today. The weather’s very nice out. Hmm.
Mood:- Orgasmic =D.
Music:- Basement Jaxx-Plug it in.
I’m going out tonight, hurrah. I tried to badger Mother dearest into putting pink into my hair, but she refused.
I can’t think what to write. Um. I did my English Exam today. I think I did okay but I dunno. Message to Micky if he reads this, I miss your lil ass, get online u_u. Luff you =O.
Okay well I’m in a great mood today. It’s really sunny and pretty out, I just dyed my hair, and I’m going out tomorrow night!
The downer about tomorrow is that I have an English exam. BUT! I ain’t lettin’ that get me down dawg. I’m happy.
That’s it for today.
Music:- Linkin Park-Breaking The Habit.
Crikey it’s been a while. I remember when I last wrote in this thing, oh the woe, oh the agony. I was such an unhappy little boy. Mngh. Well not anymore. I’m doing really fuckin’ good.
I think I’m in love, I’m doing my exams and feeling pretty positive about them, I’m going to get a job, I have a dickhead counsellor, but even she can’t get me down!
This morning I woke up sad. But the difference between the new sad and the old sad is instead of curling in a ball like a pussy and crying until I fell asleep, I got my lazy ass out of bed, got washed and dressed, and went to do my stupid exam and my bitch ass counsellor.
Mmm. So I guess this is the beginning of a lame journal. One of those stupid things where I write about my day, about my friends, about what I’ve been upto. Things none of you give a shit about. Oh well, this thing isn’t about looking good, or impressing anyone anymore. It’s about writing what I want to ^_^.
Music:- Wheatus-A little respect.