I hate when people try to "sell" themselves. Especially when what they're selling is a commodity no one needs.

I'm at the office and Vern is off on the phone with Pradeep again. So I've thought of a list. It goes like this:

The Top Five WORST Sounds

1. The sound of traffic.
2. The sound of a baby crying.
3. The sound of a ringing phone.
4. The sound of an alarm clock.
5. The sound of incessant yapping from a small rat-dog.

I've forgotten how un-decent people can be. Especially when they think they've got it on lock. When they're pulling strings and no one will ever be the wiser. "Take what you want." Hey. Listen up. I'm not him.

I'm exiting out of my winter wonderland forays. It's been kind of rancid. That lifestyle is shit on top of shit on top of more pretty sparkly shit. No one wants to know you and no one wants to hear you. And if you can't hear me then let's just walk right now. And sometimes it seems like no one can. Is there anyone out there who's not comfortably molded themselves into accepting this? I'm starting to see what the others had been saying all along.

I just wanted this to be better. I really did. For a moment I thought it actually would be. It could have been! It's so terrible to figure that not everyone I let into my life can be amazing as the people I'm already so conditioned to.

Stop telling me to vote.

Listen, we go through this every election year. I don't need P. Diddy all up in my shit screaming "VOTE OR DIE" to be coerced into doing so. The problem with these youth-oriented MTV "Gen X" voting commerials is that they make the assumption that its target audience is perpetually apathetic, uneducated, ignorant about global events, too-lazy-to-vote... Wait. Well... I mean, not ALL of us Americans-between-the-ages-of-18-29 are, and we're the ones that have to get harassed by Courtney Cox and her finger pointing? What'd I do?!

The last thing we need to do is turn our right (or right to not) vote into a commercialized, sensationalized, glamorized event. With the state this country is in now, it's hard to be completely out of the loop, but just because celebrities are telling you to vote, it suddenly makes sense and is relevant in your day to day? There's suddenly this pressure to vote, in a way that there hasn't been before. "Voting is cool." "Paris H. votes." But are we missing the point? Do you know what you're doing? And why? Is the focus on an understanding of legislation, or is it merely showing up and checking a box?

Vote or don't. But just know what you're talking about, and know what you're doing. Is that so much to ask?

I tend to look at presidential candidates that have a strong sense of social reform, as for me, ethics and social ideals take precendence over most other things, for example fiscal concerns or even foreign policy (although the latter should be developed by a good framework of social values).

That being said, the "gay marriage" issue, (which seems to exist solely as something to divide people) to this day is dangerous ground for candidates to address. It's something that must be approached ever so cautiously, as the whole set of ideas surrounding "marriage" envokes fiercely emotional, tradition-entrenched responses by most Americans.

It's still early to make any clear judgements regarding exactly what (the surviving) candidates in '08 are going to say on this topic. So far Clinton seems to be "courting the gay vote more than any other presidential candidate at this point," (as described here) but that's not to say that others aren't taking similar sides.

What the crux of the debate is, however, is a problem: the concept of what marriage actually is. We could spend hours attempting to define it, but the point I'm making is that is not the perfect, untouchable, divine, flawless "union of souls" that our society demands it is, with a stomp of the foot and a pouted face. It's a man-made institution and thus complicated and imperfect, spanning centuries of cultural tradition. The common perception today is that marriage is a blessed, divine union that is more or less unbreakable. Obviously religion plays a large role in maintaining this image.

For religious individuals, marriage is a huge part of being the religion. If you are forbidden to have sex before marriage, then marriage seems to come pretty early on.

For example, this girl I work with (who is 17) and very religious, was talking to a friend who had come to visit her at work. The two teenagers were talking about relationships and such, and at one point, in a serious, ecstatic tone, my coworker said, "I wonder when he's going to pop the question!" I was shocked. First of all, she said "pop the question." What is this, a Meg Ryan movie? Secondly, I can't imagine 17 year olds considering marriage. I know it's not that unheard of, but in 2008, in the US, to hear teenage girls actually discussing marriage propositions in such a nonchalant (but serious, trust me!) manner is kind of alarming.

How many more people are you going to meet in your life? How many more things are you going to learn? About yourself? About the world? How can you commit to someone you think that you know for the rest of your life at the age of 17, before you can even really experience life?! It boggles my mind that people are brought up to believe that marriage should and will happen to people of this age, and that you will be completely happy and fulfilled when it does. What about when you're not? A lifetime of self-denial and repression?

I'm not taking things too seriously. I think something such as marriage should be taken extremely seriously. Because in essence, I believe that it can work. I do certainly believe in monogamy. But monogamy is hard to find. You're not going to encounter it at 17. It takes work and lots of learning about all those things that the world is open for you to learn about if only you'll let it.

But tradition is more important than almost anything, as it plays a role in defining our culture, and thus our code of behavior. It can be more important than even biology, as it attempts to frame it in a neat little box, displaying what is accepted, and what is ignored, even though biology may tell us otherwise.

Society is just now attempting to resize that frame to better fit the reality of the situation, and it is a long, drawn out, painful process. No one likes to reroute deeply engrained values, and for most people, I would say that it's virtually impossible to do so. For those individuals who are against the concept of a government-endorsed same-sex marriage, for a vast amount of them, it is impossible to change their mind. It's simply not going to happen, as years of tradition and cultural conditioning are not going to be altered, even with reason and science providing support. (In fact, the irony is that many individuals of that particular cultural mindset are more inclined to deny or dismiss reason or science as viable forms of support, anyway.)

What I'm most concerned about is the concept of "equal marriage." It seems fair, right? The straight and gay couple being married at the same place in the same manner. Does that work? Is that a utopian vision? I cannot say for sure. I cannot say if "equal marriage" rights is even something that, conceptually, ought to take place. Should homosexual couples really be fighting to be a part of an ancient tradition-entrenched institution that wants nothing to do with them?

"Marriage" is what it is, and for centuries has been. And that does not include same sex couples. The concept of marriage that we know today simply does not include gays. We can't change that, it's already been defined. Millions of individuals spanning hundreds of years that have experienced and participated in that cultural conception have already come and gone. What needs to occur is a reconstruction of the concept of marriage, one that includes same sex partnership, while acknowledging it on the same level as straight partnerships. One that possesses a social value system that accounts for biology correctly by not even making a distinction between straight and gay, one that is concerned only with committed partnerships, monogamy, and love. And nothing more.

At some time during a warm May afternoon, three teenage girls sat at a table, smoking cigarettes and discussing their ambitious plans for the fast approaching summer. They were going to backpack across Europe, making note to especially visit Germany. The certainty and clarity in their voices, although naive and unrealistic, was exactly the sort of sense of wonder that he missed. It wasn't gone, but he discovered that if left uncared for, it wilted. Slowly, but oh so surely.

You never imagine that it will be like this, when you're those girls. Young and only just emerging into the world of free thought, unchained and wild, when everything is new and ripe for the taking. Why would you? But it seems as though time has a funny way of forcing mediocrity upon you. Complacence.

There's something immortal about the summer in Arizona. It is the natural state of things, here. Nobody sleeps at night; the hours without the sun are too precious. But it's also a state of mind. They're always up, those ones, at all hours of the night eating cereal and toast and watching late-night television together. Call it a safe haven, an escape. But also biology. If it weren't for each other, it would be insomnia: fans blowing in empty rooms, scattered sheets, and yellow streetlights reflecting on walls.

And it's coming back again. Like walking into a familiar room. For some reason he forces himself to decide what has been lost or gained or chanced since the last time he was in this room. And he can't exactly formulate a response. Why? Because those girls never fit this into their summer plans. They never included stagnation and neglect in their backpacking itinerary. No one ever does.

But the truth is that summer offers promise. Unbreakable bonds only strengthen further. Loose ends are brought back, taking their place among the others without a second word. Even the night refuses to cool, as if each day is so hot with ambition it is being begged to be used. And it is. It's all there. We only have to take it.

The store was clean and bright, with a familiar brand new, corporate aura. We walked in, dodging the toughs that were loitering outside.

"Mothafucka's always complainin'."
"Say it again!"

Pouring herself some coffee, she was approached by the Persian clerk who promptly let us know that his coffee was no good after all, and he would make us a new pot. He dumped the thick, oil-like liquid down the drain while they amused themselves with the ice cream cart. His trailer park model girlfriend propped herself on the checkout counter and flirted like he was rich.

She poured an absurd amount of sugar into her three-creamed cup of convinience store java and took a sip, squinting her eyes as the drink instantly gave her six cavities.

"Don't question me," she said, fumbling with the plastic lids like a child with sticky hands.

In the car again, they barreled blindly down black flooded street yelling about whose valentine was prettier, when they suddenly realized that they were in fact headed straight into a flowing, full-fledged river. Not slowing or stopping, not attempting to analyze the situation, they screamed like frightened schoolgirls, unnecessarily flying through the torrent like a stagecoach out of hell.

Water soaked the speeding vehicle as it cut through the small river like a plane attempting takeoff. Reaching the other side, they still did not slow, but carried on anyway at a ridiculous speed, assigning each other menial tasks and deadlines in their nervous glee.

Pointing fingers and making threats, they called it a night. Speeding off foolishly back into the rainy black, she once again allowed her 90's Hip Hop to blare out the sound of her slick wheels running off the road.