there's hope behind the door of my bedroom. if i could only lift myself out of this bed. but instead i'm a dreamer. i'm a sucker for the lies i'm always telling myself. i'm hoping someday we can make us mean something. yeah, someday, maybe i'll fall into a dream, and stay falling forever. but it's just so hard to dream, when sleep isn't coming. see, she's not even here and she's the reason i'm still awake. i cant fall asleep, cuz i'm falling into her eyes. who'd guess this all started from barely a kiss? it was only a kiss. i can't lick her taste away from my lips, and i'm not sure i want to. i'm not sure i can make it through this. at least, not on my own.

it's a lesson we're all taught. at some point, everyone learns the math behind breaking apart. subtract a pretty girl from a lonely guy, and watch all his pieces divide.

do you think god ever meant for us to fall in love? or is it another failure our heart circuits have yet to work out? we were built so fragile that a feeling can break you. a kiss can break you. never give in until your ready to fall apart.

and who wants to be buried in pieces .. ?

we dont need to die. with a touch of our lips, heaven comes to us. can't you feel the rush? with a single kiss, it's infinite bliss. let's make you and me an us. my heart is a hole, so fill it. i swear on the trigger, i wont cut you away.

..her hands

the world is a box of better people. my mistake was giving you away. i can't believe i let myself throw you away. rules say finders keepers. i'll never know why it took me so long to find it. the piece of myself you carry in your hands. you've grabbed my heart by the throat, turning off the switch to my lungs. i cant breathe, but i find warmth within dying at your hands.

i found love, when i found you.
i feel lost.
why did we dull away?

i'm only happy when it's you. you got me spinning. dont stop me. i ask understanding. i'm used to drowning in my tears. empty tears which, like my heart, never stop falling. and their falling at your feet. do you think we could go back to the days we were in love. sometime before i let you slip away. i dont feel safe anymore, knowing that the whole world can find you. i don't want to remember my mistake. my mistake was when i gave you away.

do you think we could go back to the days we were in love.
because i hate who i've become.
i miss you.

ok now that i have most of my new writing up .. i'm gonna write an entry introducing myself .. why .. because i feel it is called for ..



name : Fred



gender: Male



favorite color : Pink or Fuschia



favorite music : music is my life. in turn, i listen to a lot of music. i'll name as many bands as i can think of. infatuated with about 90% of them.



Cradle Of Filth, Satyricon, Kovenant, , Dimmu Borgir, Dark Funeral, Ancient, Amon Amarth, And Oceans, Ebony Tears, Tristania, Children Of Bodom, Cannibal Corpse, Dying Fetus, My Dying Bride, the Black Dahlia Murder, Summer Dying, Iced Earth, Hammerfall, Kataklysm, Marduk, Emperor, Death, Strapping Young Lad



A Static Lullaby, the Blood Brothers, From First To Last, Senses Fail, Glassjaw, Brand New, Shai Hulud, Poison The Well, Hopesfall, Under Oath, From Autumn To Ashes, Sky Came Falling, Boys Night Out



Daughters, Crestfallen, Arson, Avenging Disco God Fathers Of Soul, Dead Seraphim, Force Fed Glass, the Locust, Ghengis Tron, Funeral Diner, Page Ninety Nine, the Now, Racebannon, Pig Destroyer, Usurp Synapse



Chimaira, Lamb Of God, Trivium, the Agony Scene, Bleeding Through, Nora, Eighteen Visions, As I Lay Dying, Everytime I Die, A Life Once Lost, Candiria, Folly, For The Love Of.., Dillinger Escape Plan, For This I've Fallen, Misery Signals, Most Precious Blood, Converge, Norma Jean, the Bled, the Hope Conspiracy, Zao, Killswitch Engage, Blood Has Been Shed, Between The Buried And Me, Bur Your Dead, Darkest Hour, Callenish Circle, Shadows Fall, Martyr AD, Devil Driver, In Flames, 36 Crazyfists



Insane Clown Posse, Anybody Killa, Blaze (Colton Grundy), Twiztid, HOK



Bright Eyes, Cursive, the Good Life, the Faint, As Tall As Lions, Coheed And Cambria, Beep Beep, Taking Back Sunday, At The Drive In, Mars Volta, Anatomy Of A Ghost, Armor For Sleep, Fairweather, Idle Hands, Matchbook Romance, Lux Courageous, My Chemical Romance, Name Taken, the Colour, the Suicide Pact, Thursday, the Snake the Cross the Crown, the Blue Hour, Motion City Soundtrack, Mayday, A Trillion Barnacle Lapse, Ariel Kill Him, Mates Of State, the One AM Radio, Boy Hits Car, deadPoetic, the Bronx, Emery, Prevent Falls, Hawthorne Heights, the Movie Life, the Used, Silent Drive



the Birthday Massacre, Switchblade Symphony, the Genitorturers, tUB rING, Mindless Self Indulgence, Bad Acid Trip, Deadstar Assembly, Orgy, Type O Negative, 69 Eyes, Poision Black, Inkubus Sukkubus



Anberlin, Carrier, Chevelle, Collective Soul, Duncan Sheik, Erase The Grey, Jimmy Eat World, Lagwagon, Zolof and the Rock And Roll Destroyers, New Found Glory, Alien Ant Farm, No Use For A Name, Story Of The Year, Sum 41, the Starting Line, Saves the Day


GG Allin, the Exploited, the Misfits, the Dropkick Murphys, Flogging Molly, the Suicide Machines, the Vandals, Dillinger Four, Me First and the Gimme Gimmes, NOFX, the Ramones, the Clash, the Virus, the Casualties, the Sex Pistols, Cheap Sex, the Nekromantics, the Bouncing Souls, Anal Cunt, Anti Flag, Agnostic Front, Black Flag, Cops And Robbers, Terror, Death Threat, Choking Victim, Hot Water Music, Refused, Corporate Avenger, Guttermouth, Lars Frederikson and the Bastards, Propaghandi, the Briggs, Social Distortion, Rancid, Lost City Angels, US Bombs, ALL


Thee Michelle Gun Elephant, Dir En Grey, A Perfect Circle, Tool ..



in short .. i listen to a little of everything.



a short description of self : i'm an interesting person. i have a conflicting personality consisting of an overly emo and feminine inner-self, but a sick and twisted thought process. i dont hate too many people, and i usually only hate you if given a reason. i'm the happiest kid in the world 9 times out of 10. you almost never find me in a shitty mood. no matter how full of myself i get, i know i'm not better than anyone, i'm just more satisfied and comfortable with who i am. i'm strait forward and honest, most of the time. i love people, and meeting them. i'm entertaining. my weaknesses are when girls cry and girls in general. i get along with girls better than guys. i smoke a lot of pot. i used to scream for a band, but i quit the band because metallica sux and it's all they wanted to play. me and my friend are thinking of starting a grindcore/synth project, but it's only an idea for te time being. i love talking to people so please by all means, IM me on AIM when ever you get the chance. you dont need anything to talk to me about. i'm pretty easy to talk to. yes i am as beautiful as you think i am. and dont worry, i'm not really as intimidating as i might seem.



AIM Screen Name : paris paralysis



Yahoo Screen Name : mordecai_star (i never use it though)



Various Links :

livejournal.lovesick____

[t h e L i f e A n d T i m e s O f . . .]



greatestjournal.lovesuck____

[a n o t h e r W r i t i n g J o u r n a l]



m y|S P A C E



Let's Take A Walk Down The Hallway. It's A Long Way. It Takes All Day.

i fell so far into your eyes. your eyes have trapped my heart in your hands. i said dont let go. hold me tightly. kiss me lightly. i melt into your arms. upon your lips, i have a moment to breathe. i inhale deep. i feel complete. let's touch our fingertips, to circulate this feeling inside. i'm electrified. entwine our fists. sit back and watch the sparks fly. this is love. this is hope. my hearts in your hands. i dont know what i'd do if you ever let go.

i cant live with out you beating my heart.

i could have sworn you were her. with the intricate way you wrapped me around your finger. with every twist and turn i sink deeper. i knew you were someone special by the way i felt my heart melt when i came face to face with your smile. for everytime i do what you want me to, i can feel the rope from which i hang grow tighter around my throat. you look just like her. you look just like someone special. someone i could love. you are heaven draped over a chair. you sleep but your beauty never rests. is it wrong that i can't keep my eyes off of you. heaven and all. you paint perfect syzygy. you pull me into the sky. let's make some good isostacy and end these lonely nights of a boy wishing on a shooting star. i want someone to hold. a girl with perfect balance. the angel of my dreams. oh, shooting star, shooting star please give me a name. the name of a princess in search of a throne. i'd give her anything. there's something about you that makes me want to forget my name. we'd never work but i want to make it. you don't see it but my heart throbs in your hands. i live in your shadow and dance in your footsteps. without you this hallway would mean nothing. i'd never have reason to pace it inside out hoping to see you there. speaking to a handsome man who i'll never be, but wishing i am. if only you could see i live for you. i'm sinking into you. if only you could see i'm dying without you.

i'm here by my window, looking out to a sky of bright lights. praying to find the right star that will guide me tonight. i know we dont speak, and yes i have sinned, but god, please dont take her away. my hearts a puzzle piece where she fits just right, but there's cracks in our layers and we're falling apart. and i dont think i'm ready to kiss her goodbye. yes i'm breathing, but i dont feel alive. the world is ripping from my hands. the ground keeps moving beneath us. i cant balance my stance. but i dont want to leave her behind. i feel so alone inside. i never thought i'd end up talking to the sky, asking for help from a proofless hope. are window sill prayers worth anyone's time, or am i simply pouring my heart out to an empty sky. i never dealt well with uncertainty, but here i sit by this open window, talking to stars that can't hear me, with my fingers crossed and a broken compass. i'm lost, because i'm losing her. god, please dont take her away.

my wounds wont heal from you. everytime i see you i'm reminded of how lonely i am. of how i've bled dry of the man i used to be. you're beautiful. i'm writing to say i love you, but i cant find the words. i have the inspiration but my words come dry. not saturated with this feeling inside. my heart must beat with every line. but there arent words for how much i love you. or for how long i've wanted to hold you. or how i felt when you didnt notice. i was invisible. the opposite of invincible. what you cant see cant hurt you. but what you dont see hurts