i have some fucking fair weather friends.. sometimes i feel like we're only friendly when it benefits them... but other times i feel like im looking into things too much.

the thing that really gets me is that they are SOO picky about doing something or going somewhere where they might not know everyone. they'll agree to do something with me earlier in the week and then change their minds at the last minute and leave me hanging (im guessing cuz something better, with more of their friends, at "their" bar came up).

i wish that i could surround myself with better people sometimes. trusting ones.

the internet is the best place in the world!

this is the second time, thanks to social media, that i have had the chance to see a band i really love! first through twitter i found out iglu and hartly was in town so i went.. best night ever.

the other day i saw through facebook that nicki bluhm (i posed a vid of her and her hubby singing a while ago) was playing in town opening for ALO and i immediately bought a ticket.

it was incredible.. their sound is so perfect, her voice is amazing.. i was just so happy. then we partied with them the rest of the night so i am one happy camper.

possibly going to sb to see them play again. if you're in the sb area they're playing at soho on wednesday night.. its like 23 bucks and SO WORTH IT.

ive had chronic back pain since 7th grade (that i can remember). its gotten worse in the last couple years where it hurts more often and when i do more things.. like working out, or hiking, or sleeping. it used to only hurt when i stood or sat for too long, then it started hurting in volleyball and now its pretty much all the time. ive been going to a chiropractor for 2 years and its always a temporary fix... ive been given different exercises to do and what not, but im impatient and i dont do them consistently so alas... no results.

i finally decided i want to see a back specialist... but im so scared for 2 reasons.
1. he's gonna find something really wrong with it that will require surgery or something
2. hes gonna find nothing.

im more scared that 2. will happen because ive been told so many times that theres nothing wrong with my back... by my mom. she must have thought i was way too young for back issues when i was in middle and high school so she always told me to suck it up, or ice it or whatever. so i never did anything about it. when i moved out and it started getting worse i finally went to a doctor and now she realizes that yea, maybe there has been something wrong all along. well im just scared that maybe there wont be because im so used to her telling me there isnt.

basically what ive been told (without x-rays or any type of measurements or ANYTHING) is that i have an extended anterior pelvic tilt which means my hips tilt forward too far and my back is always in extension.. which is why it hurts. its fucking frustrating.. everything hurts.. sitting, standing, sleeping, lifting things, ab exercises, uphill things, jumping. and its tough because i like to work out and im stubborn so i work through the pain (kinda) and then it hurts more.

basically, i want nothing more that to get this figured out and go see a back doctor.. but im also fucking scared so im putting it off.

fact: when you graduate, whether you move away or not, you cease to exist, you fall off the face of the earth, you die. or something like that.

my friends that are still in college literally forgot that i exist, i think.

it really stinks. who the hell am i going to hang out with once cait, dani and julie move away... no one. im gonna turn into a loner whether i want to or not, because no matter how many times i text my old friends to hang out the convo always goes like this:

me: "i miss you lets hang out soon! what are you doing this weekend??"
them: "i know its been such a crazy quarter! we should hang out soon, i dont know about this weekend though"
me: "wanna get din sometime this week?"
them: "ugh i wish i have midterms to study for tho"

every week that isnt the first week or finals is midterm week.. for real, thats how it was when i was in school too. so it sucks. but come on.. you can make some time to hang out with someone you called a best friend last year

but you didn't have to cut me off
make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
and I don't even need your love
but you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
no you didn't have to stoop so low
have your friends collect your records and then change your number
i guess that I don't need that though
now you're just somebody that I used to know

gotye feat kimra. know about it.. its a very addicting song, ive probably listened to it at least 15 times today.

dad has a kidney! and it works great! thank god for uncle mike. what a savior. how do you thank someone for the gift of life? they sure as hell dont make hallmark cards for that.

thank you thank you thank you uncle mike.
also, im so glad he was out of the hospital the afternoon after the surgery. and dad was out shortly after that. everything was just perfect! still nerve wracking, but perfect.

i love my family and i miss them so much already

my home :( i hope all my friends stay safe and prepare for what looks like a long flood. its scares me that the barriers are starting to fail and the river level is rising.. so many people have died already and markets are running out of food and water with people preparing for a long haul.

with that said... my parents are getting on a plane tomorrow and heading here to california! THANK GOD! one airport is already underwater and who knows what'll happen to the other. they were supposed to leave on the 30th for denver, but with water levels rising, im glad they're getting out of there earlier. plus, they get to spend a few days with me! they get here friday morning. im SO excited!!

hey! it's iasas weekend in singapore! its the 30th anniversary too! my last iasas ever was the 25th anniversary. time. fucking. flies.

http://iasas.sasclubs.com/

go there if you wanna watch live feed of some volleyball and soccer! hoo haa bangkok and kl!

so i've officially been working my job for three months as of today. which means... benefits! hooray!

i keep hearing all my college friends say they're getting sick, which makes sense because it's midterm time and everybody gets sick around midterms... well, i'm getting sick. i don't have midterms, heck, i'm not even in school... that time of year i guess haha.

oh, and i went out on friday night with some friends and was literally hungover until sunday afternoon! what the hell?! i NEVER got hangovers in college.. maybe had 4 in my life (and i partied too much)...... its like my body knows im out of school and officially an old woman! (its ok i love getting in my PJs at 8.. especially my comfy sweats cuz it's starting to get colder)

speaking of temperatures.. its gonna be 90 here on thursday. HELL YES. its like summer hasnt ended! beach? ok!

i'm going to denver in a couple weeks and i cant wait! i want to see my parents so bad! and my uncle and aunt who i havent seen since i was maybe... 11? 12? so that'll be nice.

my dad is off to macau today for a golf tournament, so my mom took a couple day trip to kuala lumpur to see old friends and shop. they both have such rough lives haha. i miss asia so much and would give anything to go back for a couple weeks right now and have some thai food and malaysian food and ride in taxi's where they don't speak english well, and barter for cheap fake goods, and be in 90+ degree heat, and see my dog, and eat street food, and get massages, and shop in asian malls, and see funny asian mall decorations, and go visit my high schools, and just all kindsa asian-y things! i love asia!

nothing new here. it was canadian thanksgiving yesterday which made me sad because we always celebrated it with our canadian friends back home and then took them out to chinese or something on american thanksgiving. good times.

canada, eh?