hollamaniac

back in america

i had a great time in bangkok and KL visiting my parents. it was nice to hang out with them and just relax and detox from all the partying in slo! although i did have lots of margaritas! yiyiyiii

well im sitting at a hotel in LAX till the morning when i can get on my flight to slo. saturday night its down!

but i slept the whole flight so im gonna be up all night. boo. oh well, slo tomorrow.. but im missing home :( i love love love bangkok so much!

bangkok

I HAVE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH THAILAND ALL OVER AGAIN.

i mean, i was never NOT in love with this place, but being here is just making me want to move back as soon as i can.

i want to live here, work here, grow here, everything here. i love bangkok i love it i love it.

went to ISB today and saw a bunch of old teachers and coaches. it was so great to be back there. sooooo happy right now.

summer so far

well summer 2010 has been pretty chill. some serious shenans including craziness downtown and going into our new apartment while its empty cuz the front door was open at 2.30 in the morning. and a pitbull following us home and needing to take it to the pound the next day cuz we couldnt find the owner... and baseball games and margaritas.. and concerts and alcohol and living in three places already.. moving into the 4th and final on thursday. hurt knee.. new wallet.. new shirt.. lakers winning and being a sports bar in california when that happened..

just too many fun things
and hanna is moving on friday... to work on a cruise ship for a month, and then back.. and then gone for 4... im so sad. its like my other half is leaving! NOOOO.

BUT MY MOM IS COMING TO AMERICA ON WEDNESDAY! wahoo!

good god

my life has been nothing but shenanigans since i turned 21.

just the experiences ive had at the bars and at the cliffs and beerfest and everything have just been so great for story telling.

this weekend has been nothing shy of unbelievable (in shenans). thursday night was just outrageous once hanna and i combined our stories after being separated during the night.

last nights shenanigans are just never to be spoken of besides the fact that they are never to be spoken of. its like the he-who-shall-not-be-named of shenanigans. TOO GREAT.

and tomorrow hanna and i will continue at the reggae solstice fest. HELL YES.

I LAUNCHED MY WEBSITE TODAY!

www.meghanhollister.com

CHECK IT OUT! im sooooo happy i finally got it up and running!

being 21 is awesome

i love downtown and i love being able to get a margarita at a mexican restaurant and i just love being 21! OHHHH YEAAAA

and my birthday was amazing! im so grateful for all of my loving friends and family! i went dt at midnight on my bday and took loooots of free bday shots! i even did the bull sweat! its tabasco sauce, werchestershire (or however you spell it), gin. vodka, whiskey... and more. its DISGUSTING but i took it like a champ while standing up on the bar!

love love love life

TURNING 21 ON WEDNESDAY!!!

HELL YEA FINALLY!
not that its stopped me for the last few years!
and bday party with allison tomorrow night. gonna be even more epic than last years! wahooooo!!!!!

going craaaazaaay

i consider myself a generally happy, friendly and accepting person.

but sometimes i REALLY hate people.

i need to get out of this house. noww.

"that's disgusting!"

you say the brownie mix i left on the hand towel is disgusting? cuz i was making brownies and got some on my hand? oh ok..

well i think your puke thats caked onto the inside and base and floor and carpet around our toilet seat is disgusting.

i am going to try to express how i feel

the other day i decided that i need to move on, once and for all. i need to try and get you out of my (love) life so that i can experience new people, new love, new everything. the time i've spent with you was for the most part awesome, but we definitely had our downs.

i've had to get over you two times before.. and it worked.. i got over you, until my phone beeped and it was a message from you. lets bring it back, how are you, i miss you. things like that.. that beep, that message... its like all the bad things you've done just slip from my memory and i'm head over heels again. you have this grip on me.. and i've never had these feelings for anyone before, ever in my life. i don't even love you.

i think we have some kind of connection.. i understand you and you understand me. i've been there for you and you've been there for me. i get your sense of humor and you listen to my stupid stories. we just clicked. we wanted each other and needed each other.. where is that need now.

weeks before you left you told me you liked me, that we should bring it back.. and we did, and it was amazing. those last few weeks with you were everything i ever wanted. and then once you left it was still great.. then you asked me to come visit.

i drove almost five hours to come see you.. as soon as i got on the 101 i got this feeling in my gut like i was doing the wrong thing. who drives five hours for a guy? what if things went wrong? what if you didn't feel the same way anymore? that's a long drive for that kind of risk and i had never done anything like that before. especially with all my friends telling me i shouldn't go.. that he's not good enough.

i had a great two days with you but i couldn't get that feeling out of my gut for part of the time i was there.. that you were being your old self, resorting back to your old terrible ways. i had that gut feeling that i made a mistake even though at times i definitely felt like i was not. i honestly had a great time with you those two days. everything was fun and it was so good to hang out again.

now that i'm back home and it's been a week since i've seen you, i've decided that i need to try to move on. you did nothing (to my face) but i feel like you did. like you did the "breaking up", but its me thats doing it to myself. i'm telling myself not to text you, i added "NO NO NO" in your name in my phone, i'm trying my hardest not to look at your facebook. i'm the one trying to move on from you. (you've probably already moved on from me. i mean you moved) the last time i did this it seemed easier because you did do something to me.. you hurt me and i was mad so everything was easier... ish. i wish in a way you just did something again so this could be easier.. ish.. but at the same time you kind of did.

i'm hurt, i'm hurting.

everything reminds me of you.. so many times throughout the day i think of you because of a song or a saying or a type of beer or a game or a road or your house or someone elses house or a hot tub or shisha or your friends or driving north or the beach or surfers or pitbulls or islands or traveling or jumping on beds.. the list goes on and on and on. EVERYTHING reminds me of you and all i want is for it to not. i want to get you out of my head so that i won't get hurt anymore. i don't want to hurt anymore.

i know you are not good for me. it was a good run but i know if i keep on wanting you or being with you or thinking about you im just setting myself up for hurt. thats what my friends have been trying to tell me for months and i brushed it off like "i know, but let me do this"

i just want them to say "told ya so" so they can get it out and be happy. cuz they did tell me so.. and i didn't listen. i listened to my heart and ignored my head. not the smartest but it was fun.

right now i am just hurting. that is my feeling... hurt.

that one word can't possibly describe everything thats going on in my head and my heart right now though. it's too simple, and i feel so complicated.

"i want someone to love me for who i am. i want someone to need me is that so bad?" - nick jonas (so judge me.. its a good song!)

whats the word for

that feeling you get after something really fun has ended.. like a party or a vacation or a weekend with someone you really wanna be with.. and you feel sad but happy at the same time? happy it happened but sad its over? happy to think about the great memories, but sad that you arent doing those things right now? what is that feeling? i feel that so much right now. i just got back from sac and it felt like summer.. but at the same time im feeling some red flags...

last night in my house of 5 years

my family is moving back to bangkok in a week-ish.. and im leaving to head back to california tomorrow morning.. so tonight is my last night sleeping in this house that i spent 3 years of HS in and a couple years as an alumni visiting back home.

its kinda weird to think that im not gonna come back to this house anymore when i come home.. its gonna be really weird that im going "home" to bangkok and not kl. im sad..

i love this house and i love kl and as hard as it was for me to move here.. its hard as hell to have my family leave. im obviously gonna be spending most of my xmas break next year here in kl again ahah shona/lizzie/anyone.. get ready for me to sleep over hahaha!

its been a great house.. lots of memories.. its also kinda weird cuz im the last one of my friends to move away from the neighborhood.. zeys parents moved, logans parents are in a new house in KL and johns parents moved too.. now im gone.. its such a lame neighborhood now haha.

oh and happy 2010! new decade.. ive now lived in 4.. but im only 20. wo0o0o0ooo0o0o.

welll goodnight. im tired. and new years sure took it out of me.. didnt get to bed till the sun came up.. thanks zouk!

asiiiiaaaa

been in asia for a few days now.. got to KL 7 hours later than planned.. delayed planes and shit.. and then the next day i had in KL and then the next day my mom and i head to bangkok to.. be in bangkok!

got to see the condo they're moving into.. its nice! and went shopping and hung around.. i love bangkok, it had been so long since i had been here! and i lived here for 7 years! i forgot about a lot of it :(( i hate that

and now im in the bkk airport waiting for my flight back to KL.. gonna be there for about a week and then off the phuket with the parents to chill and tan and beach and be relaxed.. and then back to KL for new years and then back to amerrca.. :( kinda feels like a short break and i get like barely any days with my friends.. but oh well i guess...

its nice to be in asia.. its been a year since ive been home.. im excited to get back to slo but i dont wanna leave here at the same time..

makes sense? i think not...

bill for alc: 102.26.
bill for jello 14.60 something
apparently cups were 10 bucks (almost)
and two 30 packs was 40 bucks.

i paid 50, ali paid 40... thats almost allll of the alc.

and the others say that everyone paid "TONS"
i say... everyone paid 50? cuz that doesnt seem fair to me if i did and you guys didnt.
i tried to fight it already.. i hate. a lot of things.




they didnt buy anything else.. thats like 60 bucks split between the 2 of them. im not made of money. pay me back.

i knew i didnt want to have this damn party at our house. i cant wait to get home. im sick of "catty bitches".

KARMA. IS. A. BITCH.

but i didnt do anything wrong!!!


today:
-sat for three hours at nissan waitng for my car to get serviced.. THREE HOURS.
-listened to this woman talk about her restraining order against her dad...
-car got washed for free! THEN A BIRD POOPED ON IT.
-found out my paper was due today instead of a week from today
-professor letting me turn it in tomorrow! BUT IM COMPLETELY STUCK.
-got a parking ticket




WHAT THE FUCK WORLD!??!

fuck fuck fuck

my 4 to 6 page hinduism essay that i have been working on for next wed....

was due TODAY. im in class now adn i dont have the essay.

OH MY GOD.

christmas list, and general wants

in no particular order

1. new snowbaord jacket
2. maybe another pair of snowboard pants
3. a beanie, OR better yet, some yarn and one of those circle things so i can make my own
4. long sleeve shirts
5. socks
6. a new hair straightener (CHI)
7. curling wand thing
8. just new clothes, form free people, urban, anthropologie, forever 21, top shop, zara and others..
9. accessories
10. another piercing
11. another pair of jeans
12. a trip to nordstrom (hellloooo sb!)
13. mac eye makeup remover and other mac things
14. northface sweatshirt/northface vest or some other vest


thats really all i can think of. and theres no way im gonna ask for all of it for xmas cuz i'd just feel bad. i asked for the snowboarding stuff, socks, long sleeve shirts and a hair straightener.. thats all i really NEED. and i dont even need all of that.

ps. ive never asked for socks before. this is weird.. but mine are seriously OLD and i need new ones bad. and now that its colder out, i wear boots and therefore need socks.

the end

I guess it was stupid of me to think that once he was gone you were just gonna come back.. Well I really thought you were by the way you acted..and now..

You have a gf!?

Knowing the way you are I shouldn't be upset at all, also cuz of the way you treated me.. But it hurts. I'm sad and I feel really alone. I have a weird feeling in my gut, like I'm about to go get a piercing.. That nervous feeling. I feel sick and its partly cuz he has a gf and partly cuz I actually care.

wee

"glad you came by"

:) me toooooooo

see that you want me too

whoa i'm feelin you baby, don't be afraid to jump then fall, jump then fall into me...

....

why are my room mates looking for houses? are they gonna move out? ok. cool.

things im gonna miss when my parents move away from malaysia in january:

my bedroom
my pool
the mexican restaurant on the next street
the wine bar on the next street
the minimart
logan being basically butt door neighbors
walking around with logan or zey and our benches
ampang hilir
ampang point
running across the street to mcdonalds after school
naan corner
pavillion
klcc
klcc park
one utama
luna bar
zouk
espanda
nouvo
7atenine
heritage
p. ramlee
taxis
subra
sitting on the road with logan
shonas house
nandos
people at starbucks and chilis knowing my order
sitting at great eastern
the rain storms
the ghetto school
iskl
the gym
malaysian-english accents
suzi's corner
mei keng fatt
damai
barclub
bar blonde
the marroitt
klia
the recordings in the trains at klia
malaysia truly asia
driving to singapore
coffee bean
astro
barred windows
gate openers
the van
ubl

tooo much stuff im gonna miss so so so much.
even if im not ACTUALLY gonna miss it.. i'll prolly never live it again so i guess i will.

what a day

he fb chatted me today out of no where.. apologized finally and wants to be friends again.

FUCK that.

i moved on, i havent forgotten the shit you said to me, but im happy again and with someone new.

im so mad at you for putting all those memories back in my head this afternoon
im so sad because im thinking about those memories

keep calling me babe

i could get used to spending each night with you :)

move in day tomorrow!

all the freshman move into their dorms tomorrow.. omg im so excited. we're partying at red light and starting the madness at our house with chocolate chip pancakes and mimosas at 8.15 am.


CANT WAIT OMMGGGGG.

thanks for all the touches, whoever they're from

i really appreciate all the touches on these past few entries about my grandpas passing. it makes me feel loved and like im not alone.

i wish i knew who they were from.

<3

cameras!

wayne gave me two old pentax cameras tonight! one like old school point and shoot and a old school film camera. with like 6 lenses and a bunch of filters. wahhh so much cool stuff. so nice of him to just hand it over

cant wait to use it!

we took him home

the funeral was today.. i pretty much cried for an hour and a half straight.. it was so so so hard.

watching them close the casket, seeing it carried out to the hurse, the funeral precession, the navy seals waiting at the cemetery, the one seal playing taps on the bugle while the other two folded the flag, them turning and handing the flag to my mom saying that the president of the united states is grateful for my grandpa's service in WWII, seeing the tears on everyones faces, hearing the crying (especially from my mom and dad), laying a flower on grandpa's casket, walking outside the chapel, turning around and seeing that the casket was already gone.

it was so hard, it was a very hard day. but a beautiful day, and a beautiful service.

i think the nicest part was that the precession drove past grandpa's old house on rutherford becuase while he was in the nursing home all he wanted to do was "go home". so we took him home, it was so special.

i miss you so much grandpa, i cant believe that today was the last day i'd see your face.

i love you grandpa.

wake

grampa you looked so good! like before you had the stroke.. flashy in your suit :) it was good to see you again, although i'll admit when i first walked into that room and no one else was there, i thought it was fake. you werent real, the flowers werent real, the flag wasnt real. it kinda felt like madam tussauds. i dunno if thats mean or not but i dont intend it to be.. i love you so much grandpaaaa, i miss you so much. i love you so much.

today was long and tough.. but good to be with family.. sad that this is what brought us all together.

aunt donna said she likes to go to church cuz it makes her feel closer to her mom, and now you too grampa. i wanted to go to church on sunday, but i dont know any here.. i just wanna pray for you. "our father" will always remind me of you.


I LOVE YOU

i just remembered

i just remembered, just now as i was laying in bed crying, that i wrote a paper in 5th grade on my hero. and my hero was grandpa. i remember talking about how artistic he was and how he always made me laugh.

i need to find that paper.

guestbook

shineonyou's picture
Re: bangkok

one night in bangkok and the worlds your oyster!

peppy132's picture
Re: summer so far

being 21 is makin my summer amazin lol i see its doing the same for you

punkonater's picture
Re: I LAUNCHED MY WEBSITE TODAY!

lol wix is so nice to use :P
nice portfolio too :)

urstellarxx's picture
Re: public

i love youuu

peppy132's picture
Re: being 21 is awesome

I have about a month till mine I can't wait!!

dbiispoorldaerr's picture
Re: TURNING 21 ON WEDNESDAY!!!

Happy Early Birthday, Meghan! *bangs*

peppy132's picture
Re: i am going to try to express how i feel

bangs bangs bangs bangs I feel you been there done that <3

hangingthestars's picture
Re: i am going to try to express how i feel

Sometimes whats hardest for us.
And causes us great pain.
Is best for us.
You'll thank yourself in the long run.
Good luck with everything.

ElucidNightmare's picture
enforcetheworld's picture
Re: whats the word for

...melancholy?

ankkoja_sataa's picture
Re: public

I MISS ASIA SO MUCH

ankkoja_sataa's picture
Re: public

Dude that was one of the best days of my life!!! I miss Chuck Taylor. Let's do a reunion tour! bahahaha. I LOVE YOU!!!!

punkonater's picture
peppy132's picture
Re: public

OMGZZZZZZZ!!!!! will the porfessor let you hand it in late?!?!?!!?

peppy132's picture
Re: public

jealous i want a chi!!

cookiemonster87's picture
Re: things im gonna miss when my parents move away from malaysia in january:

malaysian english accent. lol.
i hear it everyday.

peppy132's picture
Re: public

in my geography class we talked about Malaysia today made me think of you i pretty much have decided i wanna study abraod some where over in southeast Asia

capricious__x's picture
Re: public

ew... no bueno. Make that kid clean your sheets, and buy you new ones.

peppy132's picture
Re: public

ew i would have made him clean that up asap one time my friend pissed my bed and i made her do my laundry lol

dbiispoorldaerr's picture
Re: public

LOL!

I just started Happy Aquarium - on Level 3. That is too cool to know that you and your roommates are competing! Good clean fun!

If you want to neighbor, look me up! Good luck to you! -Miguel.

the_lizzerd's picture
Re: public

hugs, darling. I hope you're holding up oK....are you able to spend lot's of time with your extended family? That must be somewhat comforting. Love always, if you need anything don't hesitate :)

ankkoja_sataa's picture
Re: public

I know what it feels like to lose someone really close, i'm sorry about your grandpa, if you need anyone i'm here, i'm going through the same thing with my aunt, i love you greg!!!

pretty_in_pain's picture
Re: public

i'm sorry about your grandfather.

deadman_walking's picture
Re: our father who art in heaven

(hugs) sorry to hear.

punkonater's picture
Re: public

my condolences. I remember when i found out my grampa died, my mom and i rushed to canada to see him when he went into the hospital, but he died before we got there.
I wish comfort for you and yours right now. *touches*

punkonater's picture
Re: public

lol thats awesome, i wish that kinda stuff would happen to me.

kismet's picture
Re: public

oh shit. i gave you all my touches and bangs since you reminded me not to miss my meloversary. i've missed mine everytime as well lol. <3

pretty_in_pain's picture
Re: public

happy meloversary!

punkonater's picture
Re: public

grats

dbiispoorldaerr's picture
Re: public

*************************
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HAPPY MELOVERSARY, MEGHAN!
*************************
*************************

junkiegyrl's picture
Re: public

happy meloversary girl!! :]
how you been?

adrn5150's picture
Re: public

happy meloversary to ya!!!! damn ur eyes are still gorgeous!!!

hoshi_asuko's picture
Re: public

Love your background!

You also have some similiar kickass taste in music, love.

ozzie's picture
Re: public

soooo jealous that you got to see lollapalooza!

peppy132's picture
Re: public

ooooooooooooo your in chi town thats only like 3 hours away from meee lol

ankkoja_sataa's picture
Re: public

I am jealous of your summer boy. My summer boy started out the same way, but things went waaaaaay downhill :(

imoanloudly's picture
Re: public

WISE WISE WISE!

adrn5150's picture
Re: public

wow..ur a real cutie :) howuuudoin!!!

ankkoja_sataa's picture
Re: public

I need one that will drive me crazy! But in a good way. An amazing way. I was crazy about this one boy, I still kind of am. He's far from crazy about me :(

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