since melo is the only place I don't think people will read my writtings, I've decided to come back for a while adn write to you.

All that I've given and done, seems to be a joke to him. I really feel like I'm nothing. This whole time I said I was nothing to someone who was everything to me, and it's been torn down to nothing, and I'm left, to just be nothing. I just want to know one thing, if we're a joke.

Since I've looked back on things, and now I've been through my first love, I think I see how he felt, or atleast how I interpret it. I don't really think I was worth all he made me beleive and I think I deserved a lot more.

Why couldn't it just be him that gave it to me?Why did he have to let me put so much into something he would walk away from. How did he lie, and take away the only thing I loved, the only thing we made for us?

How was I so easily replavced? Why do I find it hard to talk to people?Why do I feel like a child now when I'm around a guy or I even talk to one. I don't want to be me anymore. I don't want to be around.

I miss so many things, I hate feeling like this. I hate knowing I'm nothing.

I just wish someone would honestly take my hand and love me the way I thought I was loved, but it's too soon. I already feel like I lied to myself and my body.

Do you think about me? Do you care if I lived or died? Was everything I thought that was real, something you can't even remember now? How could you touch her, when you didn't even know we were over? Or did you, in your head, for a long time before I left?

How did I slip away? I just want my baby back, but since I can't have that, I hate you. I hate those lies that rip me apart all the time. Do you not get that I think about it all the time. It's always in the back of my head, even when I try so hard to avoid it. I can't stop loving all of us and I don't want to, I just want all of it to stop hurting. I'm breaking and you aren't even thinking about me.