we should all just quit our jobs, burn all of the money, and start over.. america is corrupt, and i for one am not proud to be an american. our whole existence is based upon greed, bloodshed, and an obsession for power. everybody is out for that mighty dollar.. burn that dollar, and support mankind; not "the man." work for what is right, not for a paycheck.. . i mean people are starving out here, no where to live, no one to turn to.. and then you got people who have more than everything, with more than one place to live, and a whole lot of people they can turn to. the higher ups wont even look at the ones below. one nation under god; i think your god is broken.
the only thing ive really been happy about lately is my girlfriend.. however when she isnt around i find myself just spacing.. it isnt that i am unhappy, im just... i dont even know what to call it. ive been thinking about a lot of things, that in reality doesnt really seem like anything. i have no motivation to go hang out with anyone or to do anything.. no real drive to reach out to anyone. i blow people off, ignore phone calls, walk the other way when i see someone i know. i just cant get myself to socialize. i dont want to socialize, i try.. but then im like fuck this. i cant really escape myself. i havent really drawn anything in months.. when i sit down to draw; nothing. ive drawn here and there, but id say its all garbage. im just not impressed with myself lately.. actually, disappointed. i need to get out of this so called "rut" or whatever.. an artist who doesnt create isnt much of an artist.. im just not all here anymore? not really sure where i went, but itd be nice if i can get back whatever part of me isnt there.. i need to get a grip on reality or something like that. whatever reality is.. my minds a mess.
so.. my cousin and i are blazing out on my porch. i look back to see my cat jump up into my window..... the only thing is, my cat has been dead for about 2 months now. i tell my cousin to look, i really didnt believe it.. i mean, i was kind of freaked out. he says, "yeah man, its your cat." come to find out it was just a twisted ass dream.
in the future only the old die young.. and everything is free. and target will never sucker another person into eating those hotdogs. i refuse to ever pee in a cup again. in the future. cancer kills aids but it gives you cancer.. which aids can actually cure cancer.. but then you have aids. everybody has a tail. and they only drink water. cold water. iced cold water. some genius comes up with the bright idea of drinking piss. all of a sudden everyone is doing it. drinking piss. a fine glass of 10yr old piss. that's expensive in the future. nobody can afford it. the future is so super expensive. I'm thankful I have never had to lick a toilet seat. Or suck a dick. the future. a magnificent place.
she just comes out of nowhere.. thinking id want her back. after all of the lies.. leaving the way she did. it only took about a year. . you cant just take a year off and expect to come back and everything be okay. especially when you are a heartless bitch stealing the hearts of others.. i may be nice, but im not that nice. i mean, i can accept an apology.. . i can forgive and forget. but im not going to be in a relationship that has already failed. failed horribly.. im tired of bitches.. dumb crazy bitches... seems to be all i attract.
pre-rolled sweets on the table.. the lighter standing to the right.. ready for orders. we have ignition.. the room becomes loud. filled with smoke.. eyes redden. the mind opens up. the thoughts pour out.. the imagination kicks in.... a completely different person in life. no cares or worries. as the room continues to fill with smoke.. we have lift off.
i could repeatedly bash my face off of the wall until i knock myself unconscious.. and every time i come to.. do it all over again. this place is just driving me insane anymore.. or maybe its just today. i dont know.. i need to smoke something and get the hell out of here. i need a vacation. a permanent vacation...
its like it was yesterday, and then i realized yesterday was years ago.. it wasnt even yesterday. . and its already tomorrow. its always tomorrow.. . the moment your eyes opened they closed.. they never opened again. yesterday never really mattered. then again.. neither does today. whatever today is.
living this life that i live is just unreal.. everybody in it, im not even going to say they are real. they exist, sure.. but they arent real. im not real either.. and we are all in a space that doesnt exist.. we run in to other people who arent real. the everyday passerby.. occasionally a head nod, a good morning, hello.. etc.. whatever. none of that shit is real. it all means nothing. and nothing pretty much doesnt exist BECAUSE there is always something.. . something.. something isnt real. reality is television.. television isnt real.. even when you think youre sure that something is real. well, the truth is.. it isnt.. it isnt real. everything is what you make it. thats what they say. and they arent real either. nothing really matters because, again, it doesnt exist. everything couldnt be "what you make it" because everything isnt real.. . maybe im just too serious.
i saw a part of my life that has me feeling some kind of way.. . it wasnt real. and pretend isnt healthy.. but i got that feeling.. . the feeling you get when youre falling in love. which is also a similar feeling as when that love is inevitably crushed.. strange. that sick feeling.. broken heart type feeling.. the so called butterflies or whatever.. . it literally consumed me. something similar to a panic attack. i felt flushed.. i just didnt want to notice. i didnt even want to care. our eyes didnt quite meet.. words were not exchanged.. i even smiled at 1st sight. a single moment. one frame.. instantly everything else came rushing in.. flooding a clouded, yet happy serene-like thought that was shorter than the blink of an eye. closest thing to hate that i could ever hold for any individual human being.. .
everybody is on drugs.. everybody.Real Name:
Jan 31 1987