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wake up
we should all just quit our jobs, burn all of the money, and start over.. america is corrupt, and i for one am not proud to be an american. our whole existence is based upon greed, bloodshed, and an obsession for power. everybody is out for that mighty dollar.. burn that dollar, and support mankind; not "the man." work for what is right, not for a paycheck.. . i mean people are starving out here, no where to live, no one to turn to.. and then you got people who have more than everything, with more than one place to live, and a whole lot of people they can turn to. the higher ups wont even look at the ones below. one nation under god; i think your god is broken.
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i must suck to be around..
even with the best herb around nobody wants to chill.. stoning solo.
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american terror..
i wonder what the next big scare will be.. gotta keep the people in fear of something.
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i tell myself to shut up.. i never listen.
the only thing ive really been happy about lately is my girlfriend.. however when she isnt around i find myself just spacing.. it isnt that i am unhappy, im just... i dont even know what to call it. ive been thinking about a lot of things, that in reality doesnt really seem like anything. i have no motivation to go hang out with anyone or to do anything.. no real drive to reach out to anyone. i blow people off, ignore phone calls, walk the other way when i see someone i know. i just cant get myself to socialize. i dont want to socialize, i try.. but then im like fuck this. i cant really escape myself. i havent really drawn anything in months.. when i sit down to draw; nothing. ive drawn here and there, but id say its all garbage. im just not impressed with myself lately.. actually, disappointed. i need to get out of this so called "rut" or whatever.. an artist who doesnt create isnt much of an artist.. im just not all here anymore? not really sure where i went, but itd be nice if i can get back whatever part of me isnt there.. i need to get a grip on reality or something like that. whatever reality is.. my minds a mess.
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bam.
i quit smoking cigs.. a little over a week now. smoked the last cig of my last pack, and that was that. roughly 13 years of smoking, and i can just cut it like that. and i loved smoking cigs.. just goes to show, its all in your head.
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good morning.
so.. my cousin and i are blazing out on my porch. i look back to see my cat jump up into my window..... the only thing is, my cat has been dead for about 2 months now. i tell my cousin to look, i really didnt believe it.. i mean, i was kind of freaked out. he says, "yeah man, its your cat." come to find out it was just a twisted ass dream.
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sleep..
all i do is sleep anymore. all day. everyday. for like 2 months now, and although i am completely over it.. i still find myself just sleeping. all the time. i dont want to sleep anymore. im probably going to sleep.
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real talk.
in the future only the old die young.. and everything is free. and target will never sucker another person into eating those hotdogs. i refuse to ever pee in a cup again. in the future. cancer kills aids but it gives you cancer.. which aids can actually cure cancer.. but then you have aids. everybody has a tail. and they only drink water. cold water. iced cold water. some genius comes up with the bright idea of drinking piss. all of a sudden everyone is doing it. drinking piss. a fine glass of 10yr old piss. that's expensive in the future. nobody can afford it. the future is so super expensive. I'm thankful I have never had to lick a toilet seat. Or suck a dick. the future. a magnificent place.
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stupid..
she just comes out of nowhere.. thinking id want her back. after all of the lies.. leaving the way she did. it only took about a year. . you cant just take a year off and expect to come back and everything be okay. especially when you are a heartless bitch stealing the hearts of others.. i may be nice, but im not that nice. i mean, i can accept an apology.. . i can forgive and forget. but im not going to be in a relationship that has already failed. failed horribly.. im tired of bitches.. dumb crazy bitches... seems to be all i attract.
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to manipulate gravity..
pre-rolled sweets on the table.. the lighter standing to the right.. ready for orders. we have ignition.. the room becomes loud. filled with smoke.. eyes redden. the mind opens up. the thoughts pour out.. the imagination kicks in.... a completely different person in life. no cares or worries. as the room continues to fill with smoke.. we have lift off.
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bash my brains in.. please.
i could repeatedly bash my face off of the wall until i knock myself unconscious.. and every time i come to.. do it all over again. this place is just driving me insane anymore.. or maybe its just today. i dont know.. i need to smoke something and get the hell out of here. i need a vacation. a permanent vacation...
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nothing really matters..
its like it was yesterday, and then i realized yesterday was years ago.. it wasnt even yesterday. . and its already tomorrow. its always tomorrow.. . the moment your eyes opened they closed.. they never opened again. yesterday never really mattered. then again.. neither does today. whatever today is.
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being a nonsmoker...
it really isnt so bad. ive been smoking cigarettes for over a decade.. this is day 2, and it really isnt as bad as i thought it would be.
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im never really serious..
living this life that i live is just unreal.. everybody in it, im not even going to say they are real. they exist, sure.. but they arent real. im not real either.. and we are all in a space that doesnt exist.. we run in to other people who arent real. the everyday passerby.. occasionally a head nod, a good morning, hello.. etc.. whatever. none of that shit is real. it all means nothing. and nothing pretty much doesnt exist BECAUSE there is always something.. . something.. something isnt real. reality is television.. television isnt real.. even when you think youre sure that something is real. well, the truth is.. it isnt.. it isnt real. everything is what you make it. thats what they say. and they arent real either. nothing really matters because, again, it doesnt exist. everything couldnt be "what you make it" because everything isnt real.. . maybe im just too serious.
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youth
to see them change everyday. to grow and take shape.. their minds capable of anything. sponge-like. absorbent. they could be anything.
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fool.
i saw a part of my life that has me feeling some kind of way.. . it wasnt real. and pretend isnt healthy.. but i got that feeling.. . the feeling you get when youre falling in love. which is also a similar feeling as when that love is inevitably crushed.. strange. that sick feeling.. broken heart type feeling.. the so called butterflies or whatever.. . it literally consumed me. something similar to a panic attack. i felt flushed.. i just didnt want to notice. i didnt even want to care. our eyes didnt quite meet.. words were not exchanged.. i even smiled at 1st sight. a single moment. one frame.. instantly everything else came rushing in.. flooding a clouded, yet happy serene-like thought that was shorter than the blink of an eye. closest thing to hate that i could ever hold for any individual human being.. .
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guestbook
saw the front page art and all i could think was...really... the jelly goes on the bread bro! hahaha awesome tho, congrats
Ooh, nice. Enjoy your session, man.
Just passing by giving away "touches".
Peace.
**touches**
I can so relate to this.
And in my case, it's due to the meds I'm on.
Do hope that your sleeping patterns soon improve.
its not awesome kali.. ive never been over anything as much as i am over this. its too much..
A clarification, I know this has been a really long time but you wrote this to me like, 8 months ago: "well, apparently you told her how beautiful she was.. and how you didnt see what i could have possibly seen in her. blah blah blah.. doesnt really matter. maybe you did me a favor putting that idea into her head, even tho im sure it was already there. it just seemed to go down hill from there. i mean, who knows maybe you said nothing to her, and she just wanted to get it out there some how. if that is the case, i apologize for my rudeness/ignorance. i dont know, it is what it is.." And I just wanted to clarify that I never said anything like that. I was very happy for both of you and it seemed like it was working out well, if anything I was surprised you were with her because you were so nice and she seemed to be like kind of an unpleasant individual. Either way, I don't want you to think that I said that about you, not that it even matters, really.
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kcedahs
About Me
everybody is on drugs.. everybody.
Real Name:shadeck
Birthday:
Jan 31 1987
Chat Name:
originality..killedit.
Disposition:
baked.
Location:
clouded.
Sex?:
yesssssssssss
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OMG! I think this all the time. I just don't know how to end the never ending cycle. Other then live in the woods, but even then I would need money for land because all the land is owned.