You say one thing, yet you do the opposite. I understand where you come from, but I do not understand your actions. When one says keep it simple, and they proceed to do things they do not understand and use everything out of context; simple has been ignored. As you confuse the world, you confuse yourself.

Much like the lies that leak from your mouth; directed not only at us, but at yourself. Happiness, respect, trust, and love all have something in common. If you cannot feel one for yourself, you cannot feel it for anyone else. So I ask you: Why do live that way? Continually lying, not only to yourself, but to your friends? How do you expect true happiness to come from that?

This survey gets a little personal; can you handle it?
I most certainly can. For if I don't want to answer a question I can simply remove it, and no one will ever know..

If you married the last person you texted, what would your last name be?
It would not change. They would have to take on my name.

Were you happy when you woke up today?
Not so much. I woke up a bit later than I wanted to and had a small bit of stress overwhelm me for about 15 minutes, but then everything was just fine.

When were you on the phone last? And with who?
Sometime around 9pm, with an old classmate.

What are you excited for?
Excitement is hard to come by lately. I'm excited to get out of this mess.

What were you doing yesterday?
I was lazy and did nothing, and then I went to a concert.

What's the last thing you put in your mouth?
Ice cream. I don't know what kind, and I'm too lazy to move 2 feet to look at it and tell you.

Have a best friend?
Yes, I do believe that I do.

Do you think teenagers can be in love?
Yes, I do think they can, but I believe most of them are confused and jaded by pop culture and crazy modern society. They have feelings, but don't fully understand them.

Last person you wanted to punch in the face?
I'm often torn between good and evil within myself. At times I have no desire to cause harm to anyone, and feel that doing so would be against my core beliefs. Sometimes though, I get this overpowering desire to take out my frustration on innocent bystanders. It's almost like Darth Vader jumps into my head and tries to convince me to give in to the anger. I try to be above that though.

What time is it? (exactly)
5:18. yes, AM. No, I don't know why I'm awake. Sleep just doesn't happen sometimes.

What do you want right now?
Enough money to survive for the next couple months, so I can save up the extra and put it towards fixing my car.

Who was the last person you took a picture with?
I'm not entirely sure. I can't remember exactly the last time I was in a picture with someone else. I think I was in a picture by myself last night, maybe someone was in the background?

When was the last time you cried?
I was drunkenly running down the street, trying to get back to Jordan's place before someone else picked me up. I tripped and landed right on a little wall thing, smashing the soft part of my torso between my ribs and hip. Hurt like a bitch.

Do you find it hard to trust others?
Only some others, but not all of them. Sometimes I just get this vibe from people, and then I just don't talk to them.

How fast does your mind change?
It depends on what the subject matter is. It can change very quickly if someone provides enough evidence to support their case, but it can also be very stubborn about things that have been there for a long time.

I bet you miss somebody right now.
What? Who wrote this survey? I don't like the attitude here, and this isn't even a question. wtf.

Can you honestly say you're okay right now?
Yes, I'm okay right now. I should be asleep, but that's nothing an energy drink won't cure later.

Why do you think so many people cheat?
Context? Cheat on partners? Cheat on homework/tests? Because they can. There are too many people in the world. We can't necessarily blame the cheater; perhaps they were seduced by a stranger with fancy words and hypnotic language.

Tell me what's on your mind?
People, society, human behavior, animal instincts, evolution, adaptation, genus, species, fossils, planets, extra terrestrial life, the universe, infinite possibilities.

When is your next road trip?
I haven't got one planned right now. It'll be a while, I can tell you that much..

Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell anything to?
Actually, I do. Though I haven't talked to her much lately. Come to think of it, there are a couple. I should do something about that..

How's your heart?
It seems to be doing alright.

Do you think somebody's in love with you?
No, not at the moment.

What are you planning on doing after this?
Nothing at all. Maybe I'll go to the bathroom or get a drink of water, or both!

Next time you will kiss someone?
I have no idea. Could be tomorrow, but it probably won't.

Have you told anybody you loved them today?
Not yet.

What does your 3rd recent text say?
I don't know. My phone doesn't really sort them like that,and it's also too far away for me to give a shit.

What are you wearing right now?
Boxers and a wife beater. Prettyyy exciting.

When's the last time you had a grilled cheese?
Ummmm... my memory really isn't that good. Sometime in 2009. That's the best I can do.

What's your favorite boy and girl name right now?
I don't think about shit like that. I'm in no condition to reproduce.

Do you wish someone would call or text you right now?
Right now? No. I'd have to get up and get my phone, which is too much effort at the moment.

Do you crack your knuckles?
Occasionally. Some of these questions are dumb.

What were you doing yesterday at midnight?
Driving home from San Diego.

What are your LEGAL initials?
TGD

When was the last time you laughed really hard?
You really gotta stop asking me these last time questions. As I said before, my memory just doesn't do that. I'm tryin really hard, but I just can't remember. I know it was sometime in the past week. Specifically when or why; no clue.

Last awkward moment?
I don't wanna get into that. Most of the past month has been fairly awkward.

Are you afraid of the dark?
No, I prefer dark to light. It's just more fun.

Do you have good vision?
I think so. I can see just fine. It's been many years since I've had my eyes checked, but I figure if I don't have any complaints, there's no reason to waste time or money doing that.

Have you ever tripped someone?
Again with a stupid question. What I'd like to know is if there is anyone that hasn't tripped someone. Especially without specifying if it was intentional or not, I'm pretty sure most people have tripped someone else.

Have you ever slapped someone?
Yes, I certainly have. They deserved it though, don't worry.

Do you use chap stick?
You never know when your lips are gonna touch someone else, so I find it best to keep them in good condition just in case.

Is there someone you will never forgive?
No. There are two things I don't do: hold grudges and regret.

Are you dating the person you last held hands with?
Most definitely not.

Name the last person to text you?
Kelvin.

Would you marry someone 8 years older than you?
Yeah, in my opinion age is irrelevant. If there's a connection, there's a connection.

Can you go in public looking like you do?
I don't see why not. I'm not naked, so I wouldn't get into any trouble. It would only be awkward for the first couple minutes, then I would thoroughly enjoy it.

What side of the bed do you sleep on?
It varies from night to night, depending on what else I have with me.

What's the first thing you'll do on your wedding day?
Wake up? Go to the bathroom? Eat breakfast? Seems like it'd start like any other day.

Do you fall for people easily?
Usually not, but it has happened before. Silly me, forgetting the important things.

Has anyone put their arms around you in the past 5 days?
Yeah, quite a few people have. Hugs are a good thing.

Do you miss the way things used to be?
Nope. Now is now, and that's what matters to me right now.

Has anyone ever told you they're in love with you?
It's happened a few times.

Song you're thinking of right now?
"The Seeker" by The Who. I have no idea why though..

Want someone back in your life?
If someone that was in my life is gone now, it's probably for a good reason. I'll keep it that way. No need to relive the past.

Will tomorrow be better than today?
Quite possibly, but no one can predict the future. Anything could happen today or tomorrow. I'll let you know how it turns out.

But far too often I find myself trying. Since I don't know how you perceive what I say, and since all I have to base things on is my own personal knowledge and experience, I can't understand how your mind works. I see what you're doing, but I can't see why. So I assume, and that is wrong. This is what I've learned so far today. Learning is progress. Yay.

It's weird to be back in this place I left so long ago; remembering feelings I had blocked from my memory. I know this is not me, and I'm not acting as myself. Either I have been blinded, or the door out of here is hidden from me. In truth, I know the door out is in me, and the only way to find it is cleaning up the mess I've made. A little motivation would help, but it would hurt in the long run, possibly creating a larger mess. I'll just keep trudging through this mud, I'll fight my way out, and I'll be a stronger person on the other side. I just wish the other side was in sight; this shit seems endless from here.

Nothing seemed right, but nothing seemed wrong.
Just out of place, and all the timing was off.
I'm still awake, and still confused.
Maybe there's nothing to understand.
Sleep doesn't sound fun, but there's nowhere left to go.

Shit better be right in the morning.

The last few days of my life were a complete disaster. I fell into a negative whirlpool in my mind and got sucked down into depression. All the little things really started to bother me and I let them get in. I exposed myself to the feelings I'd done so much to get rid of. Vulnerable, lost, and confused; I chose the weakest method of escape: drugs and alcohol. Decisions worsened and I very well could have ruined the best chance at love I've had in a long, long time. That is not who I am. Today is my new beginning. This is my life, and I am in control now. No one else can drive my bus. Although I realize that the choices I made were not in my best interest, I do not regret making them. I live with no regrets, and I truly believe that everything that happens is the best possible thing that could have happened.

I'm still learning. We're all still learning. This is my life, my reality, and I will get where I'm going by my choice alone.

It's back.
I can't lie.. it never left.
But it's so much worse.
And I have no one to blame beside myself.

No regrets, these are the best things that could have happened.
I will survive, and I will be a better person once I reach the other side.