More of my boy. This time, he has long hair... and he's playing with Yoko, Debbie's boy. Yes, Yoko is a girl name.

It's 11pm. Week nine in my eleven-week quarter for school. Two more weeks.
A recurring theme this year is my constant doubts over my career choice. I have fun doing what I do, but I regard it all almost apathetically. I don't know how to describe it... Now that I know as much as one could know before working in the field, I find it all kind of boring. I'm so sick of school. I'd love to just get into business, because these last ten classes I have to take are seriously boring.
And I can't take a break from school. They actually removed that option the quarter before I was eligible to take a quarter off! Bastards.
I guess I'm just ready to grow up. I'd feel so much better if I was making my own rent money, and if I was buying my dolls without worrying that I'm spending money I'll need in the future. I'm SO SICK OF SCHOOL!! I wish I could graduate now!!
I made the BEST steak for dinner today. It was amazing, hands down. Nothing compares.
Someone asked me a question about my infatuation with dolls. A good internet friend who reads my other blog asked me if I felt some sort of affection for the tiny things, as people tend to do for humanoid inanimate objects. I told her yes, yes I do. I know the difference between imaginary and reality, don't get me wrong. But sometimes, an imaginary friend is way better than a real friend. And let's face it--he's so cute!
They starting up the Big Bang machine, and in a few hours we'll see if it'll create a particle of matter from thin air. We'll also see if we all die in a second big bang. Woo!
When my friend asked me if I'd regret anything if we die in a second big bang, I told him this: Dying a virgin. Yeah. My biggest regret. D:

So, I think I've joined a cult.

That's really the only way I thought to describe it earlier today. The act of buying an animate object, naming it, talking to it, loving it, and photographing it... and many of us do that... and I'm beginning to think I've lost my mind.
And yet, I don't mind it. And I get offended when people joke about it. D: What gives?

The doll I've lusted after for three years is now being re-released. Only problem is, I don't think I lust for him anymore.
I noticed this when Maui told me Cian was going to have another hundred copies made in September.
I reacted as any fangirl would. "ZOMG CIAN FOR REALZ I MUST GET HIM LET ME SELL MY SOUL SO I CAN AFFORDZ HIM!!1oneXD" but then... well, I stopped and thought about it. Cian is Orian's adult version, but because he wasn't being made anymore, I bought what is referred to as the child version of Cian--a Bory. I opted to make Orian a child because, well, his character was very child-like anyway, and I have this strange affection for the version of Orian I stuck in a horror story awhile back, who happened to be 13 years old, anyway. After my long wait, and constant selling and selling and saving and saving, and another long wait... I did it. Orian became a KD Bory.
When I discovered that I preferred him this age instead of an adult, well, I went into a sort of shock. I don't want Cian anymore? He was my dream doll for three years, and yet, I don't want him?
Miho is another similar case. I wanted the Miho doll head for ages because I thought he was beautiful, and bought him as soon as he was released again. Now, I've had him for two months, and I've already lost interest in him. I keep trying to like him again.

The difference between Orian and the Miho head is, Miho is meant to be 60cm tall. Orian is only 41cm tall. I like the smaller dolls... so I'm thinking about selling my bigger boy and making him smaller, too. >.
Anyway, I'm gonna go eats!

Life is so nuts right now.
So, it turns out, all of us had some sort of falling out. Now, Cat is moving out, and Alex is moving in. But everyone is so upset things became this way, that everyone is fighting ALL the time. I mean, Alex and Brit, and Debbie and me, and everything. We're all at each others throats. It's awful. I can only hope things get better next quarter, but I'm not so sure.
I've somehow gotten back into DEG, I think it's Alan's fault, really. Sigh.

I've been preferring nobody over having people around. I think it's because I feel awful about what happened with Catherine, and I've been so guilty I just can't look at my friends anymore. And the people in my apartment only remind me of what's going on, so I'd much rather stick to myself than anything. However, I get very little in terms of escape here, because there is ALWAYS someone around.
I tried to calm down on Monday and work on orian's faceup. I was doing pretty well, but I was doing it with Debbie, and she was working on her Yoko. She tends to make things less enjoyable because she get's uber stressed out and cries about things, and I just about had it on Monday. I didn't mean to snap at her but I did, a FEW times. I mean, I can see where she's coming from, but I was being selfish. I wanted, I needed that space-out time, but I couldn't do it, because I was supposed to make her feel better. Lately, that's all I've been doing for everyone! I'm really tired of being the peacekeeper, especially when that all backfired after my last conversation with Catherine. Obviously, I'm no good at that, and I don't want to make anyone else feel better when I'm still trying to make myself feel better.
Orian and I played cards the other day, and watched CSI, cuz there was a marathon on. I think it's STILL on, actually. Anyway, I prefer Orian over anything else I guess, because he's quiet and doesn't have half the problems as real-life people. Gee. I'm going crazy.

Dunno if I mentioned, but I finished the twilight series awhile back. I hated the last book at first, but I like it kind of now. I don't know if I'll re-read the series though. I'm all bella'd out.
But a few nights ago I started having dreams of meeting a prince charming. The first night it was Edward Cullen. You can laugh all you want, but I'm into dream deciphering and I know WHY it was him. It wasn't because I'm a total fangirl, but he's one of my ideals for a decent young man I wouldn't mind marrying one day, and it just so happened that I was marrying him in the dream. Me, not Bella.
Anyway, the next night, it was a guy I completely made up for the dream. And last night, when I COULD sleep, it was a character from a book I wrote ages ago. I think romantic dreams are worse than nightmares. nightmares are over when you wake up. But when you wake up from such a happy dream, all you can do is feel bad the rest of the day.
Aside from the times I had those dreams, I've been having a hard time sleeping. I think it's insomnia II: Back with a Vengeance. I get it in the summertime but I thought it was over with because it came in May and June, but wasn't around for most of July at all, not since school started. But I've been tossing and turning and playing Elite Beat Agents all night.
I don't wanna go to class tonight because all my roommates, both ex and new, are in the class I"m in. But I gotta go because I"m the project manager. This sucks.
What a nightmare.

I don't know if I mentioned this, but I purchased Bory a few days ago. He'll be the new Orian... omg... I'm so excited. I'm going to have him cosplay as Ritsuka!! I bought him short shorts just for the occasion! *giggles*
That being said...
Alex has become my best friend lately. We get along so well. And now that hes dating Brit, she's become so much more easier to live with. It's a win-win situation.
Alex needs a place to stay for a few months, and all of us (but one) have suggested he live with us. It'd lower our rent down $125 a month, which would be stupendous; we'd suddenly have a huge TV he says, and the best part is, Alex would be living with us. He's a blast. Problem is, Catherine will say no when we ask. She's against boys living with girls. That will be the only reason, too, despite his being our close friend in need of help and all. Thing is, Alex is that person I've craved in my life for so very long. When he's in our circle, I feel complete. I have Debbie, who helps me create and who snaps me back to reality; I have Brittany, who loves to shop and have fun; I have Catherine, the religious support; and then Alex, the one who shares the same extreme interests as I do. My passion for dolls is only rivaled by his passion for cars. When he's around, things just feel balanced.
I hope catherine says yes. u___u

If Alex lives with us, that extra $125 a month I get from school would go to my savings account. It'd help me out so much.

It's come to my attention that I have way too much manga. I don't know where to sell it, though. Sigh u__u

Gah. Every time I look at Orian I feel a pang of sadness. I've never sold a doll before. ;o; Even if he's going to be the same character, I'm going to miss THIS Orian a lot.

My friend and I have been writing this story about the end of the world. It's um... interesting, to say the least. o.O We have one kid... one gay couple, one ex-soldier, one ex-doctor, one science experiment, and... that's about it, so far.

I lost my debit card. AGAIN. u__u It's somewhere in this room, I just can't find it.

That aside, though, I'm selling commissions like mad. So far, I've made nearly a hundred bucks drawing complete crap. Well, it's not that I try to make it crap... it just happens. u__u *has no faith in her commission work* But still, I've made a hundred bucks so far...! All that money, though, is going towards my dollie fund u__u
My dolly fund... is eating away at my would-be savings. u_u

maybe it's a good thing that I can't find my debit card... >.>

What the hell? Since when did I get so engrossed in a book at the first ten pages?
I used to read ALL the time in school. It was my life--that, and writing. The written word was my only outlet; my only solace.
That changed when I went to college. In the three years I've been attending, I've written zero stories alone, (though several with others,) and I've read maybe... two and a half books....
Well... it's been awhile since a book has caught my attention so quickly, and so intensely. I can't put the book down.
Ugh.
It's always the young adult novels that get me.

http://www.onnawufei.com/br_day23.html

Vote for Kieran, and I promise you many good things! Like... like muffins! With DOUBLE the chocolate chip! And... naked women! The hot kind! *nods* Yes, vote Kieran!

They are amazing. Listen.... hear them? they are playing RIGHT NOWZ.


PLUS, the guy who does most of their artwork is Jhonen Vasquez.
Who is he?

Invader Zim. Squee. And, most of all, JTHM. That is who he is!

He directed the video to the song playing RIGHT NOWZ. So, you should look them up!

Nope, the title has nothing to do with the entry.

My insomnia is alive and kicking again, which means signing up for two morning classes was a major mistake. Oh well, if I'm lucky, it won't last for more than a month or two.

I'm thinking about not going home once again for the holidays. What is "home" anyway? There are just too many problems with that place. I mean, it's not all shits and giggles here, either... but at least here, these are MY problems and MY struggles, and nothing at all related to home.

My brother joined the army though, and I want to see him off. I won't see him for a long, long time after that. Aren't I lucky? u__u I love Danny loads, though. I really should go see him.

My school funding has been cut off. No more cal grant. Apparently, my school told them I was going to graduate this quarter about two years ago, which was WRONG. So now, I have no cal grant to back me up. I'll be all loans from here on out. Life sucks. Debt sucks too. And that's even if I can GET a friggin loan. We'll see.

What else should I rant about... Oh! My ulcerative colitis came back BIG TIME a few days ago. I swear. Blood, everywhere, all over the place. I thought I was going to die or something. Today it went away, though. My stomach is still a little tender, but no blood! yay! I should really get that checked out.

One more thing!
So, I have class tomorrow. but my boss texts me late today about me having to come in before thursday to take a test. Uuuh. Uuuuuh. Why didn't I know this last weekend? I could have taken it THEN. But no. Now, I'm at a loss... It's either I leave at the crack of dawn to do the test, I push my luck and wait till after class to do my test, or I skip school altogether and do my test. I'm leaning towards door number three.

OK... that's about it, I guess.
Oh yeah, and DOA's market place is totally overpriced. People don't know the methods of pricing for some dolls, you know? Seriously. It doesn't matter how much YOU spent on it... it matters on the condition of the item and it's rarity. Someone on DOA was selling a doll that not only had gone greenish and had a chip on it, but isn't even a limited edition. On the website, for it new, it's about $550. She was selling her old used one for $600 PLUS paypal fees! Who the hell would do that?!
Not only that, but the way the gallery is is worse than dA. I'm so irritated with people right now!

I had 760something, and now I have 661!
I haven't deleted any entries for weeks... what happened?

>O<