You would think, with my optimistic-sounding subject title, that this was going to be an optimistic journal entry. Wrong. Yesterday was good, but the night part of yesterday sucked ass. I won't go into details but if it's gonna affect me this bad, I'm just wondering where my life is going to go. I guess I blew things out of proportion but I don't know. I'm on a downward spiral. I'm surprised I can even look at myself in the mirror anymore.

You Are Basic Panties

You are a laid back chick with a real natural beauty. You can make unwashed hair and minimal make-up super sexy. Men tend to notice you show the "real you" - and they appreciate it. And while basic makes boring for some, it looks classic on you.

Wow. I have that song stuck in my head >>> Better than Ezra: A Lifetime. I checked out the lyrics on the internet and they're really sad. *cries* Ok. Moving on. I HAVE A BOYFRIEND!!! Whoo! You wouldn't think a 17-year-old female would be so happy for this reason, but I am. I'm not the typical 17-year-old gal; in reality, he's my first boyfriend. EVER. Seriously! I'm not joking with you, people. He's the greatest. I may have my head all muddled with how good this kid is to me, but I can't help it. First love and all that. Me and him are kind of scared to break up (this fall he starts college, -he just graduated- and I'll be a senior in hs.) and we've already established that we feel too much for each other to just be friends so..yeah. The middle section of this would be to be 'friends-with-benefits', and I don't believe in that. He thinks that theory is fishy, also, so we're kind of stuck. I don't want to break up with him because we have this mutual friend and..yeah shit would be akward. God, it's only been a month since me and Dan (boyfriend's name, der) have been seeing each other, but we literally feel like we've known each other for a long time. At least a year, anyways, lol. He makes me feel so girly and young, it's crazy. Like I'm a freshman (no offense!) or something. We kinda got past the making out stage last Saturday, and we're hoping to do some more of that 'funky stuff' this coming weekend if he can come over, but I don't know. Wow. I love him so much. Hee! Yeah besides all that though-looks like I passed first semester geometry. We didn't get my report card because I had a fine (that i still haven't paid - ack!) I had failed the class and failed the final, therefore my grandmother and I figured I had failed completely, so I ended up going to summer school in another district (my district was all filled up). I only went for about a week and a half before I figured that I was gonna go crazy or kill someone if I didn't get out, so I told my grandmother I wanted out and that I had talked to the principal and everything, and everything was agreed upon. It's not that odd that they let me just drop it like that; I'd finally gotten my report card (and a fine slip, eerrrgh) the night before and realized that I'd gotten a 'D' in the regular school year for geometry, and with that over my head I was like 'What the fuck am I still in summer school for?' Yeah I kinda regretted my decision afterwards, but grappa got a large portion of the tuition he paid for me to get in there back, and now everyone is happy. I still have to take the second semester of geometry when I become a senior, so hopefully I'll know enough to get by in that class, but I highly doubt it. I also have to take algebra 3-4 to earn my three credits of math to graduate. Ugh. Looks like I shouldn't have dropped geometry. :-( Man. This summer is going by fast! My grandfather and I might have to quit our conjoined job at this telemarketing place (we clean desks there). He sets the building's alarm at night, and our boss has been paying him for that, but there's this guy that we work with that the boss has setting the alarm at night, and gpa hasn't been getting paid to do it, so that's loss of his income, therefore we might have to quit. I've got a job application for the thrift store up the street from our house, and hopefully they're still hiring. Otherwise, I'm set, and then all gpa has to do is find a job. *shrugs* Shit is crazy recently. g2g to bed though

l8

ain't gonna be a white christmas for me after all. was supposed to be up in NE right now..this week, actually, but instead i'm down here in dumbass florida with the fam, tryin' to keep it together and not explode..into tears or anger, i'm not sure which. god i hate this place

My life is just...pssh whoa right now. There’s been a whole whirl of people bugging me about the dumbest shit, and people ignoring me, and people I’m trying to get away from calling me...It’s nuts. So right now there’s this...guy I know (let’s just call him T) that tried to establish a relationship with me a while back (like, at the beginning of this month LOL) and he asked to be my "temporary boyfriend" since I’m leaving soon. Well, he hasn’t really made too big of an effort to be my bf because the only time we actually went out in public, I had to have my older brother with me(my idea -- I knew my mom wouldn’t let me go unless he was there with me, so I asked her about having him along). IMO, it turned out to be a major disaster because we went to the movies and my brother and T just hit it off and became friends right off the bat, I swear. So T made like one or two innuendoes to me while he and I were sitting together, but that was basically the most romance that came out of it because my brother was sitting on the other side of us. To top it off, my mom doesn’t think T is good enough for me because he wasn’t polite to her when she picked us 3 up from the movies. She also has said he’s a player, which T laughed at when I told him. See, there’s another thing - even T himself told me that he’s not a player, that he gets played and that when that girl that he’s in a relationship w/ at the moment plays him, he’s ’just like the wind’ in the fact that he fades away and that it’s ’their [the girl’s] loss’ when he breaks up w/ her. Or whatever, I dunno. I can’t figure out my feelings about this dude. (There’s tons of other stuff that I can’t stand about him, but I’ll just forget about it for my sake). I really like him..like like him, in a big way, yet he doesn’t return the favor. I swear, this dude doesn’t talk when we’re on the phone, I have to do what talking there is to be done, and then either of us hangs up because I get mad. Plus, he’s always talking to someone else or doing something else when we talk on the phone, and then sometimes he’ll tell me to call him back in like 20 or 30 minutes so his ’phone can charge’. I mean, WTF is that?! I swear, in his mind, the only thing he’s worried about w/ me is having sex with me and then breaking up because I’m leaving to go to Florida. That is some bullshit. And what about all the times he tells me to call him back so his phone can charge? Hmm? I really think he’s making it with some other girl because what he and I have is so frikkin’ bunk, it kills me. So far, (and this is soooo embarassing but just so y’all get the drift of how one-sided I think this relationship is) I’ve written about 3 poem/song things about him..they’ve all been written at times when I feel like I’m the one being cheated in this..whatever it is. There’s two sides of it - I can’t stand him for how bad he makes me feel, and then there’s times I think of when I’ve heard his voice on the phone and I just...my stomach acts like a rollercoaster. I hate it! Just the other day, my uncle told me (after I had let loose about how mad I am at T) ’there will be other (insert T’s real name here)’. And sure, I kinda believe that, but there’s a part of me that doesn’t want another T, you know? The part that gets mush-ified when I hear his voice or think about him. Probably he’s ignoring me or just being an asshole because I’m leaving, right? Because I hope this isn’t what it would be like if I was to stay here in this state instead of going to Florida. That’s scary to think about... Well, I guess that’s enough about him. I’m gonna go. Hit me up, though, y’all...I need someone who understands what I’m going through. Late.

Wow. Sorry it’s been so long since I’ve updated. A hella long time, in fact. This is one of the many sites that I have a journal on, and I hope I’ll be able to view what I wrote and then see how long it’s been since I’ve been back. So..what’s up, melo world? P.s. I get to cook today! Cookies...

Man I was just listening to Ashanti’s ’Baby’ song and I was like "Jesus...this song is so annoying! I vow never to play this at my future wedding!" :-) Anyways...so now I’m listening to ::looks behind her at T.V.:: Sixpence None the Richer’s ’Kiss Me’. What a great song! NOT! I don’t like this song that much. It makes me think of that dumbass scene in She’s All That where she’s all pretty comin down the stairs and then her stupidass self trips and falls the rest of the way down. Man oh man.
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I am such a wannabe! I saw my friend (if she doesn’t mind me calling her that) [apresent4you]’s melo and I was amazed at how much talent she puts into the design of her page and I was like "Man..I wish I was her for just ONE second of my life so I could have her skills at making up my page." Whatever, right? Well for those of y’all that don’t know...hardly anyone knows about my melo. For all of the goddamn time I spend on the internet talking to people [chat, aim, whatever] I never seem to mention my melo. Isn’t that a shame? NOTE TO SELF: start telling people about my melo...start telling people about your melo. Ok, I told myself that I wouldn’t stay on here for three thousand years like I usually do so I’m just gonna go crawl back under my rock. ::bows and everyone claps...’Brava, Alysia, brava!’ Whatever.

Hey. Sorry it’s been so long since I updated. My aol controls wouldn’t let me go to melodramatic, and today I found out why. But I’m not gonna go into that because I don’t feel up to it. Um, so yeah. My best friend stayed the night last night, and I thought that I was going to be able to sleep in tonight. She’s bored right now so I better get off the internet. Live life. And feel full. Ok, enough of the ’melodramatic’ philophisations <----- even a word? K bye

Hey everyone. How are you all doing on this lovely day? I’m quite sick, thank you. Been turning into a sneezing, sniffling fool ever since Monday rolled around. Haven’t gone to school since then, either. I’m feeling a bit shitty right now, if you’ll excuse the language. I really wanted to go to school today but my cell phone alarm clock thingie didn’t go off...or I didn’t hear it... or something and I didn’t wake up in time to go to school. Monday and Tuesday I just decided not to go to school because I really didn’t feel too good. And guess what? To go along with feeling like crap, I LOOK like crap, also. A bunch of acne popped up out of nowhere between the times I was sleeping and the times I was just laying around doing nothing. That sucked. And since I’m a book freak and can’t go to the library because no one wants to take me, I’ve kinda been going nuts. My books are due back on the 9th of this month and it’s already the 5th so yeah, if I don’t get my books back soon, I’m going to tear my hair out. And now, for some reason, I want a ham-cheese-w/-Miracle-Whip-sandwich with sour cream and onion potato chips. I’m quite eccentric, no? Oh, and since I’m going to leave now, I figured I’d leave a quiz behind...just to torture you. HA! One love