we all have our point and theres no way of disputing that. winners rulers and masters of our own worlds while to others eusurpers of all things pure and good in this world. Peoples collide and struggles ensue but on the scale of things I’m only a speck. There is much to learn and much to fail at but I live to live another day. and maybe one day I’ll get things right but for now I just look grievingly at a life I’ll never fully know one where have lost all control.

I wonder what it would be like to have some large quest. I’ve been day dreaming and watching a lot of lord of the rings I just wonder what part would I have played if I was in those trying times of middle earth and the war of the ring of power would I be a warrior fighting with valor to protect the way of life of my people and the lands we live on or would I cower under the might of the dark lord sauron as the easterlings and other armies did or would I choose to not concern myself with such things as a tree might or a hobbit from the shire I suppose there are parts in me that want the noble quest that want to fight and be there for that cause of saving all thats good fighting for something that really matters true freedom not like this iraq war or say world war 1 I’m talking like world war 2 where it was a war of freedom it was fight or be taken over by these evil forces that threaten our way of life. I know on the other hand the horror of war and the pain the mental anguish and that makes me think that I would rather keep myself out of the fighting and let the true warriors fight it out and endure that but what would I gain at home as a person. I think I would want to fight in a war like that too no guns no bombs no grenades just thick armour and well crafted swords arrows and bows shields and spears Its honorable its brave and full of prestiege in order to vanquish your enemy you would have to come into contact with them you would take time with every opponent. yet the people in those stories have something different than any normal real war they have an evil that isn’t human its a much easier task to fight something that isn’t like you that is differnet you can’t see the shame in fighting someone so much like you you can’t see that maybe you could have been pals had the circumstances been different had you been born where he was he could have been your comrade but in these books their enemy is in the form of inhuman beasts who seek to wipe out the good of middle earth but its not in these battlefields where this all lies where the fate of the entire world lies is with two hobbits true in heart and loyal to one another its sad to see what becomes of frodo and what happens to him when all is done its sad because he’s realized it and knows theres no way around it the ring has changed him in such a way that he will never be the same these situations make heros out of the most unlikely sort out of hobbits no larger than children yet they do great things. What quest do I have and who is my evil force to take on there just seems to be no struggle I feel is really worth backing and not like this not with a machiene gun or a rocket or a tank but fighting with true valor and courage. I know I sound so lame and that I know almost nothing of battle and I know nothing at all about the true attrocities of war but I guess I just wish I was in that mythology of middle-earth because at least they had something worth dying for

I feel that no introduction befits me as is why I find this part of the story a quite stale one. I’m more partial to a moving story the characters and settings change but its all comparatively the same the actions different the reactions change yet it begins to take a shape all its own. But now I become a phantasm and the story moves on with me and I with you seemingly. Its a pitty that such great ideas should come to waste in such a useless body, to see the creativity fall before your eyes. Ideas without means are useless. I guess thats my story (although I’m sure my friends would disagree its just their job you know) well we move on don’t we. we grow up we find our use, mine at the time tended to be less endearing than what I had believed I was entitled to. But what type of life is that, always to question your place based on the opinion that your blessed with one gift yet no means to use that gift. I should refrain from calling it a gift though. Rather I should just call it something I do with my spare time. The prediciment is the pity really, it’s useless in these matters. I’ve always found it rather odd that one would put so much emotion into something without proper meaning to back this display. Do they in some way have the kind of empathy required to say anything of worth or is it just a pat on the back ( in my experiences these are the most pitiful of all) which just makes the problem even worse. Who bothers anymore thought to really care. No one, really its all a joke to anyone anymore. So accustomed to others crys for help or their sufferings. Pretty soon people begin to numb and its just "well you’ll get through buck up its going to be ok." Obviously in some cases this may be true but in others you find yourself denying someone who need true care the breath of air they need. These ignorant people seem to always make my blood boil. Bunch of hipocrites is what they are how do I know? We smell our own kind, but I don’t really think I have it as bad others ( they find this joy in trying to fix other peoples pain with false sympathy) do. I at least try with earnest heart in the matter. Just I can’t seem to make it work out my words just seem to turn on one another. I suppose I have caught you at an quite strange time but really it’s useless to rationalize though especially in these times of squalor. I suppose I will write you again though its all I have left to do for chrissake just sit around and rot about. Till next time dear friend.

signed
- Vincent W. Wakefield

haha oh zoolander never gets old that movie is amazing from the first time I saw it to the millions of times I’m watched it with ida, amanda, and matt. Anyways remember I went to that photo shoot well turns out their gonna use me at the cover guy for their pamphlet haha just me crazy ass shit I’m gonna get a copy I’ll scan it soon so everyone can see how much of a lame model I am hahaha this just gets weirder and wilder every time I turn around meh.

too much work is killing me I realized that I’m working now about 30 hours a week and also going full time to college what kind of life can I lead with that a busy pathetic one I suppose. I calculated it out and I’m working or at school for a amassed period of 51 hours a week thats almost three whole days worth of time spent. Its all taken over my life and I know what everyone says to that so don’t do it. I don’t know why I do I guess cause I’m a stubborn asshole I wish I could be that way about other things if I was I’m sure I wouldn’t be still in Irvine working at a shitty ass store. anyways I’m supposed to change my schedule soon hopefully I’ll get an oppourtunity if I don’t well then I’m fucked cause I need more time cause in that 51 hours thats not counting study time so far I’ve only really studied like 1 day. So I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place anyways I’m sorry for allowing myself to be a pity whore but I suppose thats not why I wrote this if for any reason I wrote this because I’m tired of thinking I just wanted to get it out onto something. and there is no reason it was done here other than it could be done with ease anyways I just want time for studying and those who are important to me and that isn’t possible with a 51 hour work week. damn them all to hell. I’m talking like getting to about like 31 hours amassed between work and schoo that would be pleasent.l

I’m just doing what I’m doing and I seem to get by hopefully more of my friends will visit me sometime I miss everyone. I miss a lot of things.

god I’m so fucking ahhhh I’m just like fuck I need to talk to someone and get things figured out and cooled down or I’m gonna flip out on myself bleh

So today I met with travis and he’s giving me some web space so I can post my art and stuff so that will be cool I’ll be getting my name out there for my work and thats always a plus. anyways I hung with andy today he taught me some ridicule songs tommorow I practice with the band so we’ll see how that goes and depending well we’ll just cross our fingers umm anyways It’s been nice not having work for 2 days tommorow I have work though so grrrr to that but oh well gotta make that money. Anyways I hope to see the people I love the most soon cause I miss them all and umm I have nothing else to say goodnight -lovedave

I went to work today, I was doing cashier and I hate cashier. Why, because I hate customers. They are fuckasses about everything and you gotta deal with money and I hate that. well some customer complained to my boss about me because I was talking to another worker at target while I was helping a guest. My boss took me aside about it and I explained that I had messed up a transaction and had asked for help from my co-worker. Well my boss was like "alright well I just thought you were chatting or something next time put on your light and I’ll come over and help you myself." Then I’m about to leave and the boss says hey go outside and get all the carts in. But its my time to go home, still I do it. It takes me an hour to get all the carts in by then its already 11 at night, I was supposed to be off at 10. I am on my way to my car and someone is all "oh no my tire is flat" and they were like "I can’t change a tire" , looking at me expecting me to do it. so I’m like fuck gggggrrrr. I sat in the parking lot changing this ladys tire for a half hour. I got home at like 11:40, well my mom gives me a lecture about being home on time and shit and if I’m not gonna be I need to call. So yeah that was my day ehhh. nice huh I’d be surprised if someone read all of my complaining well goodnight -lovedave

Oh formal night what a fun time especially when we almost got in a fight with some jarhead from boston fucking idiot. He got what was coming to him thats for sure mother fucker. anyways I’ve been busy a lot lately hanging out with rachel a bunch went to amoeba and bought a shit load of cds but that isn’t something new for me I always do that if you know me anyways I’m getting ready to go to work so catch ya on the flipside. Oh and if you wanna hang out or something call me you know the number usually best time to catch me is during the day time cause usually nights I have work but for a few days a week.

my dear pilgrim I offer no wings of safety, just wax and feathers the sun laughs at. I promise no tuck you in sweet dreams. but I’ll help you to find what this dreamscape really means. crawl throught the wretched streets in dusk of night, if only to find our regrets only hold us down, our regrets let us; let each other down. My dear traveler, learn your heart, learn your verse well. I should never never leave the words slipping from your mouth. shhhhh, we’ve set the safety off and we’re edgeing on that trigger. Where is our angel now our only chance to find the meaning of our vestial verse. Our hearts haven’t had enough,life goes on we keep on writing fabricated emotion don’t we all know that this is intoxicated with hemoglobin and adrenal glands proof the body speaks of symptoms when the beat begins breaking down. So here are my barrowed wings one day they might bring you home or maybe save you some time but life remembers that once I was yours and you we’re mine.

Hey everyone who chances upon reading this I’m in the caribbean on a cruise and I’ll be doing so for a while so thats why I haven’t been around if your wondering. This is just a quick post at this internet cafe in St. Thomas any ways if I can I’ll update more. But pretty much this is what I’ve done. Been on the cruise got some sun ( hahaha yea thats funny me sun actually haha) um and I’ve been hitting up the club scene with my brother and his friends its been pretty funny I’ve stayed out late like everynight but I’m not content but thats cause I miss my friends at home they are so good to me. To tell you the truth anything would beat the meatmarket that goes on in this cruise ship its sickening but I’m not gonna bitch most everyone is too drunk to remember ( not me of course I don’t drink or smoke as you know ) thus I just am not as well I guess I don’t know I just know thats not me or what I want to be doing anyways I’ll be home on the 15th so give me a call when I get home. Love Dave and his caribbean monkey friend BarraBoo

its been a while since I’ve posted but thats of no conciquence anyways. I’m going to be going out of town for a while so don’t expect to read anything here new for a while but like you really cared about what I have to say. Ehh like I would listen to myself babble on yea well keep on reading em and I’ll keep writting em.

its too bad you can’t see how I’m smiling right now. and I wish it would stay this way but I don’t know yet what to expect. Just that life will take me where it needs to go.

its over said and done. What have I got to show. A piece of paper signed by the school board, a thick wallet, pictures of grad night. and one of my slightly over weight friends belly dancing to shakira and a well stocked refrigerator in the corner of my room.