no one is ever going to read this or respond to this....everyone has moved onto myspace.....so sad so so so so sad. i miss the old melo days...but then again i miss other things that i should be saying "fuck that" to.....

Prom was at The Grove in Anaheim. It was sooo amazing...here are pictures...

brian looked absolutely amazing by the way......so gorgeous





img src="http://img.melodramatic.com/img/punkrawkracer/prom3">

This is a picture of Katie and I. We both had a semi-heart to heart today at lunch. We found some common ground and kind of helped eachother out a bit with sorting out our emotions.

I haven’t been able to use melo in a while because it wouldn’t allow me to get on! Oiy!

Well today was a S H I T T Y day! A shitty day for sure, if there ever was one. Dance practice was pure hell, it was miserable and I don’t particularly want to talk about it. =)

Tomorrow is friday which is awesome because I get to spend some time with Brian. The only down point to tomorrow being Friday is that the following day is Saturday....my point being that....Saturday means COMPETITION DAY! Which means, stress, frustrations, errors, and most likely tears if it is anything like last week was for me. Even though I was flying solo on the whole "crying" thing.....I was upset like all hell. Today was too different from it either...I have found myself crying a lot this week. Why you may ask? Gawd only knows....I don’t even know to be completely honest with you. I guess things just....suck....I dunno. Things will get better I hope.....you think they will? I dunno...sometimes I wonder....

I miss my boyfriend, I feel like shit, my eyes are bloodshot from crying, I have tear stains mixed with mascera on my face from crying, i have a bruise on my arm from where ms lindenberg pinched me....go to my LJ to read bout why today realllly sucked...i dont feel like writing it again (www.livejournal.com/users/isallhopelost) yah..........and...I dont know if I mentioned yet that I really miss Brian.....a lot.......

alright...I am off to work on my senior research paper for J-Rod’s class and then to listen to my "girl" music, think bout brian, hopefully talk to brian.....prepare myself for another day at the hell hole we like to call Diamond Bar High School. Whoot. Peace Out

As Marcus would say *One Love*

vanessa carlton rocks.....seriously


today is the 3rd....so that means....in 10 days I will be on a plane....with my boyfriend...on my way to sacramento! OMFG! I am so excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am seriously extatic about going.

Last night was soooooo amazing...if only you all knew....you would understand....aw.......it was PERFECT! =)


competition is in....18 days ...... i am scared shitless.....yes...i am scared shitless..........

you know what song randomly poped into my head today....and i know it’s immature...but who cares..*skunk in the barn yard...pee yu....somebody ate it...* haha remember t hat song?!?! hahaha! hehehe....sorry.....forgive my stupidity

10 things that make brian awesome

1. he is sooooo intelligent....he knows a lot about so many different things...i admire him so much for all that he knows
2. he is so passionate about so many things....i wish i had a bunch of things i truley loved.....i really wish i did...
3. he is soooo musically talented...and that is a BIG BIG BIG plus! haha
4. he wants to be a freaking firemen!!!!!!!!!! a firemen!!! remember me, the white girl....who is ubsessive over firemen...shit!
5. he’s soooo understanding....sooooo soooo soo understanding...he will listen to anything i complain about...dance, home, myself, friends...anything...and he won’t make me feel dumb for complaining about it..
6. he is soo freakin patient...i have no patience....i have gotten better though thanks to him...he has taught me to control my temper......ahh..
7. he is very optimistic....he always looks for the good in everything. i am pessimistic a lot of the time...haha....aahh.. but he has also helped me to recognize more of the good things in my life rather than alwyas looks at the bad
8. he is close with his family...and i admire that. i have always wanted to be close with my family.....and he has so much that i want....i admire that....and i want that
9. he has a big big big heart, he is honest...and he is just a kind hearted person in general. when i listen to the things he wants to do when he gets out of high school/college.....they all have to do with helping people.....he is always about putting other people first......he is the furthest thing from selfish that has ever existed
10...he’s fucking gorgeous.......trust me........he is......


i love you brian

sacramento here we come

hahahaha.....today was with out a doubt, the best english class EVER. My teacher J-Rod AKA "Mr. Rodriguez" somehow encorporated "Same in the End" into our talk about the 4 letter "F" word.....FATE. haha.....it was so cool..he read it aloud...or....sang it aloud hahaha......he is the coolest teacher ever. seriously i love that man hehe...here ya go


down in mississippi where the sun
beats down from the sky
they give it up, and they give ti up, and
they give it up
but they never ask why
daddy was a rollin, rollin’ stone
oh, he rolled away one day and he
never came home
it aint hard to understand
this aint hitlers master plan
what it takes to be a man
oo, in my mind, and in my brain
i roll it over like a steamin freight train
it aint hard to ascertain

you only see what you want to believe
when you light up in theb ack with those
tricks up your sleeve
that dont mean i cant hang
but the day that i die will be the day that i
shut my mouth and put down my guitar
sunday morning hold church down at the bar
get down on your knees and start to
pray
oooh, pray my itchy rash will go away
back up y’all
it aint me

kentucky fried chicken is all t hat isee
its a hellified way to start your day

if i make you cry all night
me and daddy gonna have a fist fight
it ain’t personal, it ain’t me

i only am what you told me to be
im a backward ass hillbilly
im dick butkiss
you know i lie
i get mean
im a thief in the dark
im a ragin’ machine
im a triple rectified ass son of a bitch
rec-tite on my ass and it makes me itch
i can see for miles and miles and miles
oh...my broken heart makes me smile

in my mind, in my brain
i go back and go completely insane
it aint personal, it aint me
if i make you cry, i might
be your daddy at the end of the night
take a load from my big gun

you only see what you want to believe
when you creep from the back i got
tricks up my sleeve
24/7 is the devils best friend
makes no difference its all the same in
the end



ahhh.......awesome song! hehe.......


practice this morning was hell.....we had to be there...to dance...by 630....!!!!! dancing for.....3 hours......not my idea of a good wake up call! shit.......but....i got a good workout. blah! dance team captain.....with ige (kristin) is a lot of work this year....but....it will be worth it....i hope. i am so exhausted though....sheez..........blah!!!!!!!!!! oh and now....even roqriguez calls me johnson (its my last name...) so now i have dance teamthat calls me that....Mr. CUccia.....J-Rod........whom else?!?!?!? sheez ! lol so many random people .....weird...i dont really respond to kristen any more....sad stuff.....

peace

My Uncle Mike, 55, died today of a heart attack. He has no history of heart problems. He was in the Marines and is a Vietnam War Veteran, he worked for the government. Last weekend I was supposed to go to his Retirement dinner with my family and brian. My uncle ended up cancelling the whole thing due to the fact that he had a cold and wasn’t feeling well. Today...not any more than 3 minutes after walking in the door....my dad calls and asks for my mom...and then my mom tells me my uncle had a heart attack. i ask if he is okay, she says no, i ask if he will be, she says no, i ask if he passed away...she says yes. tell me how it is right...tell me......i would like to know........there is no answer....i know..."things just happen right" tell me why it didn’t happen to some dumb ass drug dealer...or some murderer.....or hell....iono.....usama bin laden...saddam hussain...or however the hell you spell that fuckers name..................tell me.....why not them

last night.......AMAZING! I got to spend so much time with Brian last night. This week has been hell because we haven’t been able to see eachother due to the fact that we’re back at school, he has ROP and had a lot of homework, and I had a lot of practices this week! ah! it was torture! But we made up for it all yesterday! yay! hehe

aaaaahhhhhhhh..................he makes me soooo happy.....its incredible

i cannot wait to get back onto pointe....how beautiful is that picture? wow............................i cannot wait! I miss it so much!