well, I'm hopeless.

I went to class, went to the u-haul and started setting up my move. Then I came home, promptly crawled into bed and fell asleep watching Deep Space NIne. at like, 4. I woke up at 7:30. I'm a genius.

Made some leaps and bounds on lisa last night. I should be able to get it to a wearable state tonight. I think I have just enough fabric for the skirt.Then tomorrow will be all homework. I still need to finish my flash website and my dynamic database website before I leave on Thursday.

I'm not hungry. I probably should be. Maybe I just had lunch late, since I got home late. Napping doesn't really take much out of me. haha.

Also, the deep space nine baseball episode was pretty funny.

Doctor Bashir: What are you eating?
Chief O'Brien: I'm not eating, I'm chewing.
Doctor Bashir: Chewing what?
Chief O'Brien: Gum. It's traditional. I had the replicator create me some.
Doctor Bashir: They just chewed it?
Chief O'Brien: No, they infused the gum with flavor.
Doctor Bashir: What did you infuse it with?
Chief O'Brien: Scotch.

Oh chief.

I don't care what people and/or the internet says

I love River Song. so I should probably begin this point with her very words....

SPOILERS!

I think "Name of the doctor" was them writing her out (for at least a while). Which isn't shocking- we haven't seen her since amy and rory. So I probably shouldn't expect to see her in the anniversary.

I want an updated river timeline. So, River from "name of the doctor" is just a projection from the library, presumably the last the doctor will ever see because of the goodbye. If she's a projection that can be tangible (at least for the doctor), Who knows which other rivers might not have been real. Though, she was wearing her library clothing. Did they change clothing in that episode, the ones saved to the computer? I need to go back and re-watch. Are we going to see projections of river here and there as we go? Or has the doctor been seeing them for the last 5 episodes and we just couldn't? Where in River's timeline did "angels take manhattan" go?

I'm okay with Clara and this impossible girl throughout time thing. For a minute I thought she was literally going to die in the timestream and be a short run companion. It was neat to see all of the old doctors. I like it when they use the old doctors. I can't seem to sit through the old episodes but I know enough about each one to be amused. At first I thought they were implying not only that Clara had been to see each doctor but that she had been his companion before. However, I think I was misunderstanding. She's always called Clara/Oswin or something like that, she always looks the same, so the doctor would have recognized her had he companioned her before. and she went on to say that they usually didn't see her, until eleven (twelve?) The vintage outfits were fun though.

Also, did anyone else catch what looked like Oswin Oswald standing somewhere that looked an awful lot like Gallifrey with Ten ( now eleven? ) off to the side? I wonder if that's foreshadowing for the anniversary.

SO if she's born in each place/time frame and grows up.... and she's on Gallifrey talking to the first doctor when he steals the TARDIS... Does that mean there is a Time Lady version of her in existence, within the timelock?! AND NOW I WANT TO DRESS UP LIKE TIME LADY CLARA. someone on tumblr went one step further and said if there is a time lady clara on gallifrey... Could she even be the doctor's mother?! That might be a little too far fetched for me.

alot of people are speculating about the library somehow linking clara and river, that maybe river only knows the doctor's name because clara knows it. I'm not fond of that theory.

I am, however, fond of this, from tumblr:

remember in the time of angels river was talking about learning how to fly the tardis and the doctor got all smug until she said it was too bad he was busy that day?

and then clara was learning how to fly in 7x10 and

what if river learned how to fly the tardis from clara

So when does River learn his name? or is it that she knows he's out of order, masquerading as the eleventh doctor? She knows something. She knows the secret. Are we going to see her learn it or is this really done for river? Are they writing her out to surprise us with her later? Does she learn it directly from the mysterious John Hurt doctor? Are they implyng that he is the doctor who dealt with the time war and put Gallifrey into the time lock?!

It really is clever, what they've done here. They've taken something we thought that we knew, took so for granted that I never even considered it- and used the loophole.The eleventh doctor isn't the eleventh doctor. He's the twelfth. We never saw 8 regenerate into 9. That must be where the new doctor comes in. 9 is 10. 10 is 11. 11 is 12. John hurt is 9.

What in the world are they doing to do for the anniversary?

I want me some dax

Mm mm!

Did you know terry Farrell is 6'0"?!

Totally gonna draw trill spots all over myself <3

I literally gasped and said "oh shit, oh shit" at the end of that one.

Kind of excited for next one, which is good cause I was about to be done with it.

Also, Gambit don't care what no hat said, he ain't in slytherin.

(... You're a thief. Yes you are.)

It makes me a little sad that I don't have some crazy, well developed backstory for at least one of my characters. They've been with me for a long time. We've been on many journeys together. We've killed lots of stuff. but before Skettios woke up in that graveyard free of the scourge, who knows. Before Starbuck found herself standing on the church steps with an urge to wield the light, who knows. Before Psykhe gave into her addiction for magic and revenge and decided to learn the schools of magic, who the eff knows.

Where did my sense of creativity go?

The closest I can think of is that on our private server, I had a horde flagged gnome. Now that, I could have written a backstory about.

Surprisingly, I feel minimally bothered by it. I don't have to shop for anyone, I don't have to worry about impressing anyone. I just have to go to school, do some homework, reinstall my software. Just chill.

My knee twinged a little when I walking clear across campus today but I think I'll definitely be safe to work out again by monday. I may give it a shot tomorrow and take it easy. I really want to go back to working out, simply for the confidence I feel in my body when I'm working out regularly.

I'm looking at hackintoshing my box, which was my original intention. It would certainly be a learning experience, as I've never partitioned a drive or run multiple OS's on a box. Steve recommended unibeast, which requires a set up back at least snow leopard, which I have a legitimate disc for. then I just have to buy the upgrade to whatever big cat they're on and follow the process. I'll still need win 7 for my windows class but it would be nice to have a UI that I'm comfortable with again.

I finally cracked 2k karma. The way karma works now is still pretty mystifying to me, being from the generation where you just got a point for anything you did. 10 points short of a reward? make ten blank private entries. teehee.

I was in the shower just now and my train of thought led me to two places- Underwear and video games.

Let's start with the shorter of the two- underwear.

I think that I'm going to take this opportunity to re-vamp my selection of undergarments. A lot of them are left over from when I was skinnier and don't fit right. They make me feel self conscious, even thought no one can see them. But i always felt like I couldn't get rid of them because Kyle liked them.

I don't need fancy underwear to be sexy. I am sexy. I am the key part in this equation, not my underwear. I will be sexy in whatever kind of underwear I choose to place on my body.

not to mention I'm fucking sick of having to handwash all of these lacy girly things. I am not that kind of girl.

-------------------------

Let's talk about the term "Gamer". I say it and it just rubs me the wrong way, especially with all the "controversy" over female/fake gamers and geeks.

I remember the first time someone called me a gamer. It was a label I did not consider applicable to myself. I had friends who were gamers. I was not a gamer. I was talking to my friend Shane, in Florida. He called me a gamer. I said I was not a gamer. He looked at me strangely. then a 30-40 minute argument ensued, in which he laid out my current gaming habits and then asked questions about my childhood gaming habits. Once it was all right there in front of me, I couldn't really deny it. He stamped the label on me. There it was. I was a gamer. He was just so matter of fact about it.

At least two of my recent boyfriends have sought to revoke that "title" from me. Now, I know it's not something that can be revoked. I don't have to justify anything to anyone. But it seems like anyone who doesn't understand the way I like to play games is very keen to accuse me of faking. and jeezus, it's not a title I wanted to begin with.

I can quest and rep farm in WoW until I'm blue in the face and haven't slept for two days. but that was never good enough for Kyle. If I wasn't raiding end game, I wasn't playing the game in his mind. Because end game is all there is for him, he can't possibly imagine what I'm doing all that time. Uh, reading quest text and murdering things? Taking advantage of the RPG part of MMORPG?

Steve couldn't stand that I was horrible at modern consoles. We didn't have a single retro console in the house and I didn't want to play anything on the ps3 or 360. I could play wii until the sun came up. I would buy old games off the market, play old 64 and snes games. but because it wasn't new or shiny, it seemed like it didn't count. And it felt like he scrutinized me. He would sit there and watch me play and watch me die over and over. I die a lot. he would criticize me or laugh at me. eventually it made me feel like I was wasting his time by playing games in his presence. So when he was around, I let him play the games. I felt like he was better and therefore deserved to play games and I should take a backseat.

I feel like I'm barely starting to undo the damage of feeling unworthy with games. Everyone else has always been better at them than I am. I know that, I accept that. I would get better if I played more. but It never came easy. and it never will. Baby steps. I actually went and bought Beyond Good and Evil from gamestop yesterday, since the digital copy i was playing is now gone with Kyle's ps3. I actually want to play it. and I feel like I can happily play it without being scrutinized, being by myself.

also, rhythm games are games too, fuckers. The next time someone accuses me of being fake or criticizes my play habits, I will drag the fucking metal pad out from under my bed and there was will be a showdown.

so last night while I was writing up my last entry, Kyle had a brilliant idea.

Dishonored cocktails, in little steampunk test tubes.

So we made it happen. We mixed, tasted, threw out, remixed drinks over and over. Then we taped, painted, mixed, poured, photographed and edited into the night.

The last thing left to do is to write up the description and submit it to drunken moogle and see what they say.

The drinks are made with (legal) moonshine. Is there a liqour more steampunk than moonshine, cooked up with steam in a giant copper still? I think not.

So, I've decided to undertake this as a fun project. I figured there must be a how to tutorial out there somewhere. The damn song was so popular when it came out, people had to have been dancing it in skits.

Nope. There's lots of skits but none with the actual dance in them, just vaguely similar enough to excite a con audience. Dammit.

I watched it on full speed a couple of times. Tried to go along with it. Nope.

I honest to god tried to buy the video, but apparently the only place that sells it is iTunes. Which doesn't have a speed control, as far as I know. So I ripped it from youtube, popped it into VLC and put it in slow mo. Better. Much better. but the clips are still far and few from a whole dance. I found a fan video where someone had useless inserted their own audio to it and " added in more of the hot chicks in the background". Meaning, they did the hard work for me. They gathered up all of the dancing scenes and cut them together. For all the wrong reasons but I'll take it. I ripped that one too.

Time to start counting beats and giving motions funny names in my head. I am by no means a dancer and I'm barely coordinated. I get the feeling this is going to be an uphill battle.

I am officially in love with BBC America. I mean really, what is there not to love?

So, Supernatural Saturday. It's the only thing I watch on Saturdays now. I've never watched hex or Bedlam but I'm seriously considering both. Any opinions on them?

and then, of course, I said Battlestar Galactica (which is also part of supernatural saturdays, btw). In an effort to stay off the internet before school, I watched about twenty minutes of TV this morning. the Battlestar Galactica miniseries was on. It was right at the point on Ragnar station where the bombs fall and blow up. That scene always makes me happy. I love looking at that case of futuristic bombs and wondering which one is mine, which one of those is the one that now resides on my bedroom shelf.

So I was naturally listening to Bear McCreary and BSG soundtrack on my way into school this morning. It brought to mind that really awesome fan made compilation video that I used to have ripped onto my ipod. Let's see if I can get it to embed, for your viewing pleasure....

If that didn't work, here's the straight up link: What The Frak? A Battlestar Galactica Tribute

I love love love this video. It runs the whole gamut of the show, hits all the high points, overlays poignant moments with fitting lyrics. It ties in the song-related moments from the show and Kara playing on the piano. I could watch it everyday.

Also, my emotions are calmer today. I settled into a quiet dissapointment sometime before class last night. I feel a lot better this morning but hormones are still doing crazy things. I almost cried when the scene came on where Boomer and Chief kiss and hug in the pway. Yeah, definitely still the hormones.

Also, I'm sure I've said this a million times, but the whole "Starbuck is an angel" thing still isn't sitting well with me. Three years later, and it's still not sitting well with me. It just feels like such a cop out. There were so many awesome and radical theories floating around that they could have plucked from the fans and they gave up and went with well, I guess she's an angel.

I choose to believe that the number 7 model cylon, the Daniel, is actually Drelide Thrace, Kara's father. Mama Cylon said that the Daniel was creative and sensitive, an artist. I think a pianist could be an artist. Kara is an artist. All of the 7 copies were contaminated, but what happened to the original? Anders says he died but Anders isn't all there. Or maybe Daniel wanted them to think he was dead so that he could escape to earth and blend in with the humans. Then he left his family before they could realize that he wasn't growing old.

Kara is the original half cylon and that's why she's the messenger, the envoy, whatever you want to call it. That's why she's plugged into everything like Athena. I do think that a god would have to be involved in her resurrection, since there's no copies of her laying around for resurrection. So I guess I can go with the angel thing to a point- but she deserved a better finish, a deeper back story than what they gave her. I'm only willing to accept that she was a drinking, smoking unorthodox angel who disappears in the end if they do her back story some justice.

Okay, I'll step down off the soap box. I'll go wander the internet in search of theory craft instead. Exam today, wish me luck.

EDIT:

hah. apparently RDM addressed this in podcast. He calls it "The Cult of Daniel" and debunked all of the Daniel and Starbuck theories before the final episodes even aired.

Guess what? I still don't give a frak. Tell me that that wouldn't have been a better back story for Kara.

Look, I won't lie. I love lore. I'm one of those obsessive fact freaks. I love to theorycraft. This applies to WoW, Battlestar Galactica, Doctor Who, all the way back to Sailor Moon. In order to theory craft, you have to have a good basic knowledge of the background, the facts, the history.

A girl tried to feed me half baked theories about Rory being the Master. Now, that's an interesting theory I haven't heard before. I'd like to theory craft the shit out of that.

but then all of her evidence was... well, it wasn't really evidence at all. Sad face.

I think there's more to know about Rory. and Amy's house.

AND Madame Kovarian. Let's talk about Madame Kovarian. Pleeeeassse someone talk with me about Madame Kovarian.

a couple of years ago, i attended a women in the industry panel at comicon. They talked about a lot of things but one thing stuck with me. They were talking about how people view women's sexuality, and how women's sexuality can and should be portrayed more tastefully because it exists and it deserves to be respected instead of treated like a man's toy or fascination. They went on then to talk about how confused girls become with what's sexy, what's appropriate, and what's appropriately sexy based on what's fed to them by the media. eventually leading to male ideas of what's sexy being absorbed by women and then claimed as their own.

The example given was pole dancing/stripping. Stripping starts out as a way to entertain and please men, becomes (if it didn't start as) degrading towards women all for sake of man's pleasure, it's portrayed through the media as sexy, women watch this and take in the message that its supposed to sexy and their men will like it, so they want to engage in it. however, they don't want to be degraded at a strip club by real men so they "claim" the idea by start up stripping exercise classes, make stripper dance tapes for working out to. So that they can feel sexy while they are working out. the end logic turning out that we as women are nothing more than objects to please men, and that we should always always always be sexy, even when we're working out. The logical thought that you shouldn't have to feel sexy while working out, you should be busting your ass working out, never appears. This ideas get so deeply embedded that we don't even see the process behind them, we just accept them and think that they are our own genius ideas.

I was reading more feminist articles this morning. I guess a destructoid writer got drunk and publicly insulted Felicia Day on twitter this weekend, effectively shooting himself in the foot and got fired for it. I am loving that he got fired. It's a small step for gamer-woman kind that destructoid cared enough to do something about it instead of just writing it off like Penny Arcade does. It doesn't do anything on the lowest level, for the girl being accosted by men for daring to play a shooter, but hopefully we'll get the effects of higher ups caring, trickling all the way down. I love Will Wheaton's response to the tweets-

"To be clear: Felicia is my friend, so this is personal for me. But it's also about men being shitty to successful women, especially gamers."

You know you love it!

If you like HP, check this out. Lots of beautiful photography and typography. Just skip the boring stuff.

http://pinterest.com/jmcgee/the-boy-who-lived/