I don't know why I was sitting on the couch watching tv and I was like hey maybe I should go on melo and then I was like hey you know what I think my meloversary is sometime soon and I check and it was today. Weird. A lot has changed in 6 years. I met my first love on here.....god damn. Life has thrown me some punches and I've done nothing but throw them and fight till I can't fight anymore.

Life is getting better. I'm turning 21 in a little over a month. I remember writting about my 15th birthday on here. I'm growing up. Slowly but surely.

Thank you melo for the good times, bad times and a little uncomfortable times.

I hate Arizona. It's too quiet. Everything is closed by 10. The people aren't friendly. Every place drug tests.

I need to get leave here as soon as possible.

I miss los angeles. I miss not having stars in the sky. I miss feeling like I'd never grow old. I miss walking the streets at 2 am. I miss people watching. I miss tourists saying my home smelled like an asshole.

I always hear people say that la/Hollywood made you jaded. I'm becoming jaded here.

I'm addicted to the city.

two months until i move to hollywood.
almost everything is set.
i'm finally doing it.

baked and single

im such a catch

I remember laying in your bed and I remember the exact conversation.

Its always weird trying to correct people when they call you my girlfriend.
We should change that.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Does that mean we are together?
Yes
[and you kissed me and the world spun. But not because it was love or anything but because the amount of whiskey flowing through my veins was toxic]
You're stuck with me.
[and we laughed]

We constantly argue. You're a lush. You treat me like shit. You're just a cheater. You'll never change. The arguments are endless.

What are we fighting for?

Are either of us going to change?

I remember us talking about how we felt how we had changed. How we were better people.

I think we both lied.

I wake up sweating and shaking,
have i really fucked myself up this much that my body is going through withdrawls?

4 day party starting today.

after the party I am sobering up.

This is to whoever told me to take a risk.

FUCK YOU.

I'm spinning out of control and she's the one thats holding my hand while I put the gun in my mouth.

fuck

fuck

fuck

I can't keep doing this shit to myself.

sometimes i forget im human.

Yesterday I went to the movies with nichole. We drank some beers and nichole took a shot and she turns to me and says 'jasmine could this be a sign of alcoholism?' and there's a pause and she says 'you probably aren't the person I should be asking'

I was also called a lush at some point last night.

nichole and I were talking about how the past 2 months have flown by and then it came to my attention that I was under the influence of something most of the time. Ha.

When I was in the 3rd grade my mom sat me down to talk on thanksgiving day. I was really happy and jumped on my bed and she looked at me and said mina this isn't a happy thing and I looked at her and she told me her and ralph were getting divorced...I left for las vegas the next day and came back and he was gone.

A year later. I'm sitting in my room on thanksgiving day watching another man pack his things and move out of my house...

3 years later. My family is leaving the house and I spill soda on the floor. My moms ex boyfriends daughter offers to clean it up so I can say bye to my family. I say bye to them and come back to my moms ex boyfriend yelling at me about how I'm such a lazy ass. He grabs me and hits me and pushes me into the railing on my staircases, I'm left with bruises all along my back and ribs....

A year later. I'm laying on the floor of my room with an empty bottle of rum besides me and blood all over the floor....

Thanksgiving really isn't my thing.

dating is really weird.

it can be really fun and cute. but i also find that it's really weird. hahaha

I've been seeing sarah. And by seeing I mean dating in a way. I didn't tell berto but today he snooped through my sidekick and found out.

well now...you shouldn't snoop around kids.

so...who else saw their paychecks today and wanted to jump off a bridge?

ha.

I have no money. But it doesn't matter I'm leaving to chico in a month with or without money.

No joke kids.

Last night nichole called and she was like hey what are you doing and I was like not too much I just got out of class and she was like alright cool, we're going out, i'll call you to tell you where were going. I meet her and her friend at the edwards. Nichole tells us to wait near the back so we wait and she opends up the door and we snuck in. She told the guy she left her phone inside the theatre haha. We went into the bathroom and drank beers and then we watched the comebacks. We went to in and out after. Then we went to nicholes house and wanted to play with a bb gun so we drank more beers so we had something to shoot at. I suck at shooting, then again it may be because it was dark and I had a few beers going through my system. They were dropping me off at my car and I ended up falling asleep on nichole. hahaha. Then I drove home because drunk driving is real safe kids. But I wasn't drunk, but I know its not smart.