O wow. i havent been in here in about 12 yrs. i got so sick of this damn thing. it kept going SLOW.anyway....Hmm a lot has been up with me. i have a boyfriend now,named Mitch.He is adorable and makes me smile ALL THE TIME.He seriously is too good for me, i am so fucking lucky.Ummm....lets see..ill make a list of the people that make me happy,why?because I CAN!

- Mitch
- Lucia
- Amanda (my twin)
- Suzy
- Steven
- tori
- my good friend
- Janelle
- Ari
- Sienna
- Emily
- Vanessa
- Ricky
- all of tracy willow

F i dont know, i am happy right now. so ehh, everyone makes me happy!haha,there!

PEOPLE ARE LAME!
i hate my school
i hate the people in it!
i dont update this AT ALL
livejournal, fer sure
but its not like anyone even misses me
i mean i have no comments with
"where have you been"
so fuck you
heres some pictures<3




thats janelle.i love that playa to death!well people yeah..they piss me off.they do anything just to get me mad.its like whats the point?besides me hating you.
remember mitch?o yes...well.i dont really think he even considers me his friend.i dont even think ashley and janae do as well.i think im just one of those people that bother them.i dont even think suzy even likes me.HONESTLY...if they did, i would be invited to places with them.And when ash goes to mitches i would be invited to go with her.i know for a fact she isnt my "wife" i really care about her.i think shes awesome.but i dont get that credit.i dont believe in anything these people tell me anymore.i see them and its like im used. meh, no one reads this...thats why im spilling my brains out!i have so much holdin in.i feel like shit.

Well wow i havent been in here for days now.I guess ive just become really lazy with melo.Mainly because it NEVER works and goes completely SLOW!i use my livejournal more than anything. so go ahead and add me if you like [[xforuiddiex]]. well a lot is new!First off i cut my hair.


[[before]]


[[after]]

my buddies Lucia and Jane cut it nukkas!damn straight!Enjoy the pictures!

[[Me and Lucia]]


[[Me and Jane]]


3 sum bitch!

Eh...its Tuesday and i feels like another sunday. I had Md’s for my breakfast with 2 cokes. Man...im getting pimples but yet im not doing anything about it.
I was so happy a moment ago i found the site i was looking for, for FOREVER! ahh it made my day.
Well...im being emo all over again. i Miss my best friend.i miss kyle. He IS one of my best friends and it sucks because i was such a bitch yesterday. but it just really pissed me off on how...or should i say how I THINK, he assumes im always gunna be there so he trys NOTHING to stay to talk to me.
im just being stupid again. no worries.
im still working on my book. YAY! maybe i can actually finish this damn thing.
my hands are so fucking cold, and my tummy is beginning to hurt again but i think its just because i am SO full!
My other best friend jane didnt have such a great day yesterday. I went over but i didnt seem to help. Her bf is just like kyle. They both know we will always be there for them but will they always be there for us?
Damn i feel like a question lady today...questions are flowing through my brain and they are left [unsaid].

Do you love me or not?
Do you hate me?
Do you care?
MEH!

I HATE that i cry for the most STUPIDEST reasons ever.And everything seems to end up FINE. so why the fuck do i cry? it doesnt make sense.im LAME!

I HATE that i forgive and forget...easier said, than DONE! assholes..im probably being used!

I HATE that even if i try to make things BETTER...they end up getting FUCKED!

I HATE that i always have to be the ONE to make MYSELF feel better.NO ONE ever can cheer me up fully.its just SO HARD!

I HATE that im so lonely.

I HATE that i can never count on someone.

I HATE that im a horrible student.

I HATE that i cant do anything i want to do correctly.((guitar...psh i SUCK))

I HATE that about 2398474x people are WAY better than me, i at least wanna be in the top 10.

I HATE that when people look at me....they judge me RIGHT AWAY..callin me a poser, callin me stupid, callin me stuck up. STUCK UP?.well FUCK YOU!


I HATE IT! I HATE IT! I HATE IT!

I can never win in this fucking world.i will always LOSE!


grrr...

i miss my grandma...
how odd? i was such an asshole when she left to one of those places where they take care of old people.
She lived in our other house in the backyard and the day she left i was asking my dad if i could live in there....effme. Instead of telling her that i’d miss her i was begging my dad to let me live there. im such an asshole.

i miss her A LOT!

I remember EVERYDAY after school i would go over there and watch tv in her bedroom while she cut me an apple and sliced me an orange. Then she would make me something else. She would ALWAYS buy me my favorite cookies and i would watch her soup operas with her while i ate them. Then afterwards i would sleep on her couch while she read her book.

:(

i hate myself sooo much!i would talk to her about everything. and she would give me the BEST advice.I saw her like 2 weeks ago and omg..it was soo cute. me and her were the quietest ones while my aunt, my dad, my mom, and my uncle were talking.they started talking about some movie.and me and her at the SAME TIME lifted our heads up and said "i wanna see that!" no one noticed we said it tho....only me..

MAn...she would listen to Patsy Cline ALL the time! now i own that cd..and listen to it all the time...

**crazy...crazy for feeling so lonely**

If you could go anywhere, where would you go?
-off a bridge

Well tonight was ultra fun.First it was me ashley and janae and they picked me up and we went to Dennys.That was fun, i hardly ate the food i bought..which sucks cause now im starving.We made a band name haha. Then later it was me,ashley,janae,suzy,AJ,suzy’s man,kass,nick,and this other girl but i forgot her name.Well we went to the movies and well we had no idea what to see so we bought tickets to see 50 first dates.haha.We went into the passion and got kicked out then went into 50 first dates then left haha.Ashley went to the cash registor lady and was like "okay..so in the show the whole thing was packed and the only seats that were left was on the bottom and i couldnt see" so we got a refund and we pretended it was ashley’s b-day!haha.So we all got our molah back.Then we walked around went into 2 coffee shops.Ashley and suzy were dancing like woah!haha.Everytime a car went by bustin the music loud,ashley would start dancing.haha.We came to this one corner when this drunk dude happend to come along.And he had this radio with him and he was like dancing and shit.So ashley started to.The dude freaked me out.haha.So then we watched him run back and forth from each corner to the next corner across the street.It was funny.They would yell "yeah..RUN!" haha.and he did it.So drunk,so gay!So then OH!i went into Starbucks for the very first time sigh.It was cool.I had 3 tries of something new.Of course i didnt like it haha.Im so picky!So yeah...then we went back to the movie theater to get nick and kass.And then they all left,We called ash’s bro.He came to pick us up like a half hour later.Then on the freeway this chick was just like staring at ashley’s bro.So then ashley was like *rasin the arms* "what bitch what" and the girl shook her head and was like "i dont know" haha all scared and shit.So yeah....ashley mooned them!hahaha!it was good times! okay now im tired.peace out.

Meeeeehhhh...lately hasnt been so good for my friends. And i feel extremely horrible for it. My friend..not mentioning names...shes been having a rough time. Im not one she really comes and talks to...actually she doesnt tell me a whole lot...but anyway...shes a big drinker,a big smoker...but she really is a great person.

Because of her i got into the music i did, because of her i dont really give a damn about some things,because of her i became comfortable with myself,because of her i didnt become this big ol trendy freak.She let the creative in me come out.And thats one of the things i love about her the most, shes completely creative.
I remember when i was young, it was always me her and her sister jillian.Hanging out,playing with barbies,listening to the good ol

Haha im finally updating. Yeah thats right. i [h e a r t] the kinison’s! eff you.if you dont.Then i wrote this about my friend.

You turn yourself on once again. Your only care in the world goes towards you. Step away from the mirror just this once and listen to what i have to say.Your desirable attention of yourself has turned you more into the flawless bitch that you

Wow..i heart my friends. The day of the In ashes we lie show..everyone went but of course..not me!they called me on the celly so i could hear everything..awww! then emily p bought me a pin!yay! well that was the other saturday.Tomorrow effing no alliance is playing at the showcase battle of the bandsbut i cant go :( so sad.But emily and jessica had to get their tickets from travis ((the vocalist)) so i met him and the bassist today at del taco!hell yeah!aww so beautiful.So tomorrow im probably gunna do something with Emily V. probably go to the mall or chill at her house. i dont know, i just dont want to be home! well my sickness is slowly fading.but right now im like coughing up the ASS! it sucks major.Well im lovin 401 right now thanks to suzy love ya kid!she went and burned me that sucka.o fer sure.My eye for some reason tho,keeps on twitching!esp today.its like woAh.Umm..yesterday after school me and lucia went to get some food and as we were walking home some guy honked at us and like kept yelling hey and stopped the car...so scary!ahh!Umm..i think thats just about it on whats new.peace out homie G.

So sunday we went to six flags.it was fuunn!Effing janelle MADE me get on an upside down roller coaster...sooo scary!!But hey i did it..Janelle is gunna cut my hair.WOO HOO! i cant wait for that i gotta let me bangs grow out longer first then *chop chop* uhh...i was bored so i wrote down some random things that
i wish could happen with a boy of course
1.Kiss in the rain
2.Danced for
3.Sang to
4.Wearin the tight pants for a day
5.Taking pix kissing..aw
6.Having a snow ball fight
7.Go snowboarding ((i guess with friends))
8.In two places at once
9.See a shooting star
10.Go on my roof ((haha))
11.lettin me rub my hands through your hot hair *wink*
12.Fallin asleep in your arms
Sang to..kissing in the rain...are the ones i really want more than anything haha..im so weird.It probably will never happen till im like old haha Okay im done.peace.

I AM BACK!! :)

Me and Lucia

Looking at the stars and how the moon shines so bright
It always makes me think about you
Have you ever wished on a shooting star?
Have you ever hoped for something and got it?
I know i have, and that is y o u.
You with your tender words and your love you bring
You with your honesty and how being the nicest guy i’ve ever met
Everything about you is just so wonderful it takes my breath away
For me even to hear you say "i love you" is just another reason
to believe im still dreaming
but im not
I used to think love was just another way to be torn apart
That i would never find that one special guy
That is until you came along.
I thank god for you, i thank god i’ve finally found the one i love

you’re the brightest star in a pocketful of skies
. my only dream come true . all i have left are pictures, stars and dreams to hold on to And what we got is something special, and what we are is a perfect match
three-thousand miles can never come between us No matter what we do it’s always you and me
I

Every time I cry, I think of you
im not gunna be here forever ya know? Im not gunna keep on waiting. Times have changed now. Its obvious im the one whos stuck feeling like hell. Waiting for you is just another rip to my heart. I try to hide it but the tears prove the pain
I hate it so much sometimes I just wish it were a dream. I hate the feeling of making you guilty, but I also hate the feeling of me dying inside. I need you so bad that sometimes im scared of my own self. I never get this caught up in a guy. But I guess I need to slow down just a little, it seems as though you aren