hmmm....the last 24 hours have been way to long

long time no see! been so busy....nothing really happening here though. Boys are kinda the same. Except now im being a skank and it doesnt bug me! Oh ya....my kidneys are failing and I might have to have surgery! *eek* It’ll all work out well im sure. Gotta go though.....imma try really hard to write again later!
*muahz*
-alli-

i dont know whats wrong with me. i hate relationships...i hate guys...i hate myself. lately to forget that im lonely and stupid....ive been getting on every guy i can. i need to stop imma get pregnant or something. its terrible. i dont know. i give up......

*muahz*
-alli-

today i actually cried. it was so sad. we had this assembly at school called "Common Ground" It was about like making smart choices on the road and not driving drunk and stuff. And these parents came in and like talked to us along with the police officer running it. i knew one of the parents. their kids died last year in one of the 3 crashes in our area. we had to lay 14 people down last year in our little school area. it was so amazingly sad cuz i knew one of them kinda. and just to hear about it...and see them all broken up about losing their lives. i really saw how much those people cared and they were all like if we can touch you in some way and keep you alive for your parents that would be the greatest gift to us of all. and then we watched this scary movie about accidents and it was kinda graphic. but i was like crying through it. i cant believe it hit me like that. im just so much more aware and stuff. im just so touched by it all. they really got the point across. i noticed myself being just a little more cautious and all. just in case. i cant imagine what its like to open the door to an officer being like sorry your son/brother/sister/friend is never coming home. you’ll NEVER see them again. i cant even begin to understand that feeling. i had that happen to me last year cuz one of my best friends passed away. but i got to go in and say goodbye and all. but still. whats that like???? unimaginable. never seeing someone again. imma just be a little more cautious and try and like .... care. turning the other cheek is giving your approval becuz your not showing your disapproval. so everyone.....please.....be careful
*muahz*
-alli-

Have you ever been really upset about something? I was last night and then I was sitting on my roof (dont ask!) and i looked up to this amazing starry sky. They were all over, there were just so many. And I realized something. There is this IMMENSE world out there and Im such a small part of it.

And my problems are big to be right now, but in the grand scheme of things, they really arent anything. They arent going to like follow me around for the rest of my life. The reality is that they really arent a big deal.

I actually cried last night when I was on the phone with *him* Just the moment and everything that was going on. And then looking up at this amazing sky. I dont know what to call it. Like a.....moment. I saw that big world and I wanted to make a difference in it. That moment just rekindled my need to strive to be what I wanna be. I wanna make something for myself, to affect someone in a big way. To affect a lot of people in a big way. Ive always wanted to do that by acting. And now Im going to strive for that. It means a lot.
Im done rambling......

*muahz*
-alli-

I need KARMA!!!!!



TOUCH ME TOUCH ME TOUCH ME TOUCH ME
PLEEEAAAAAAAASSSSSSSEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

They say that love is the most powerful force on earth. Love will prevail over all.



Its true. If 2 people are in love and are meant to be together, then NOTHING can keep them apart forever.



Are people really meant to be together? Is there really someone out there that is your "soul mate"?

I think there is. Sometimes when your with someone it just feels right. And everytime you tell yourself that your going to give up hopes on them they come back in to your life. And when you talk to them, you feel beautiful. It isnt the right feeling but its a feeling. I want this boy. I want him to look me in the eyes and tell me he loves me. Its so so right but oh so wrong all at once. I dont know what it is that is keeping us apart. Maybe we arent right. But everytime Im like ok Alli give up you’ll never have him and decide to like stop talking to him. He comes back into my life. As if he knew that we were gonna be done. I dont want to be his friend, I want to be his lover. Its as if he is like inside my head and doesnt want us to part ways. But someone knows that there is something more about this guy. And Im gonna stick around a little longer and find out.



His beauty is so much deeper than the eyes can see. He’s the closest thing to perfect, but the farthest thing from me.

i really wanted a chihuahua puppy for christmas and sadly i didnt get it......but i did get a bunch of money so i could buy a chuhuahua.....eventually ill have a pic of my new baby on here! and you’ll all be like awww what a cute doggy!

Im in 2 plays right now! SUCH A BIG ACCOMPLISHMENT! But no! One play is sooooo much fun, rehearsals arent work....its like all fun and games but we’re working. which is what they should be. but noOoOoO the other play has to be HELL! the director is such a bastard and he is going down! i do not like him.....he is on a power trip. oh well......it’ll work out for the best. we’re having a "cast trip" up to ice skate in the mountains and we’re taking 2 big trucks with walkie talkies between them. hopefully we’ll all bond well cuz one of the guys in the play is hot! but it’ll be fun!
*muahz*
-alli-

Uh Oh! Finals are almost here.
It means my Rebel Yell: YAY ONLY 9 MORE DAYS TO WINTER BREAK!
but my Rebel Hell: Wait till parents see the grade report

That wont be good. A nice 3 weeks or so to worry about how i did on all my tests and to await the bad news! AAAAAH!
Write more later!

*muahz*
-alli0-


*Is there anyone out there? cuz its getting harder and harder to breathe*

well i had an interview for a new modeling contract. i went in and guess what! I GOT IT! I knew right when I walked in that this was gonna be a good outcome! I went in and started talking to the agent and she was like Im really liking your personality and your look is really unique (its really odd actually cuz i wear a lot of vintage stuff but anyways) and she was whipped out a contract and was like lets get this legal stuff outta the way! and we started negotiating the terms of my contract and i got exactly what i wanted out of it! The agency gave me a $250 signing bonus. Then everytime I do work for them ill make $15 an hour from them (could go up depending on the client) plus my client bonus. Which is the hourly payment that whoever im working for is giving me. Then I said I wanna be able to do free-lance work. After some arguing she gave in and i am allowed to do freelance work without having to pay them a penny of what i make! and the last bit of my contract that i love is that when i do work for them they are only taking out 8% of what the client pays me. Which is really low! So everyone wish me luck on my new career! i wanna go far with this!

*muahz*
-alli-

You represent... playfulness. Playfulness can often be mistaken for sluttiness or
flirtiness... Flirting is something you enjoy
doing, but you’re mostly just about having fun.
You’re into partying, and it’s seems that
people enjoy your company as much as you enjoy
their’s.

What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla

Last night was soooooooooooo much fun! I just cant get over it! I went to the school play and a guy that I really like was the lead! He is SO funny! He was the only reason I even stayed becuz he played his part that well!


Then I went to a PARTAY!! I definetly got a little tipsy and did some CRAZY things! I was like I have an idea......so I went and smashed my BOOBS up against the window as someone was walking into the house! And they were like ALLI WHAT ARE YOU DOING! and some guy like came up behind and grabbed me but his hands were on my boobs! i was like OMG GET OFF OF ME! and i pulled my shirt back over my boobs and slapped that bastard! He shouldnt have grabbed me there!

but then later as everyone left we got like 4 people and mashed our asses against the window as a good bye! that was awesome!


Sadie Hawkins is coming up.....am i asking anyone....NOPE! no one to really ask! its cool though, i can just like party instead i guess!


*muah*
-alli-

i was just thinking....not being with the person you really love is really hard. now im not one of those girls who is like ooooh orlando bloom i love you....even though ive never talked to you ever in my life! i really have a guy i love and we are really close friends and i think he knows i love him and he loves me back i think. but we cant hook up for reasons beyond my control i guess. and it kind of sucks. i dont like how life throws you those little curveballs! Most people wish to fall in love and I know I used to. But then I did....only hitch is that I cant be with him. Funny eh? No...no it isnt. And its hard finding someone else to be with becuz EVERYTHING you do, reminds you of him. Everytime you kiss anyone who isnt him, you think of him. And that just isnt right. So I figure....why hurt them when you could just deal with your own pain in your own ways? So thats my plan, but that brings me right back to square one. So as you can see this really is like an endless cycle of pain and heartbreak.....and to end it you have to throw hooking up with that guy in the mix. But thats cool, becuz one day it WILL happen becuz it feels like fate. Fate brings him to me, and fate will make sure we get together and stay together.

Its that way because...
.::Love is unpredictable and uncontrollable. If your in love, things WILL work out no matter what you fear!::.